6palms

I have had a couple of day one's this week, but have been diligently reading over the posts on SR and gaining the knowledge and inspriration I need to make a true decision to stop drinking forever. I know that it sounds like the beast bargaining, but I am an intellectual being and I have been reading everything I can about AVRT and RR. I have reserved the book at my local library to pick up tomorrow and have purchased it on Amazon...I am ready to begin, or rather stop, the drinking chapter of my life tomorrow.

With that being said, I have become rather reflective over the past two days with much honest reflection about how my drinking has been driving my actions for a LONG time now. The following are things that I look forward to being different in my life...

1. When my son/daugher/wife asks "can I go with you" to run an errand, I can say yes...instead of making an excuse why not so I can buy and drink a beer on the journey.
2. When I'm planning my day I don't have to consider making sure I am alone and on the road between 6:30 - 7:30 so I can "jump start" my night
3. Getting up at the same time as my wife and kids to get ready for work/school instead of "sleeping in" because I have a "late appt" to start my day
4. Going to the park with my son to shoot baskets instead of making excuses because it would cut into my drinking time
5. going to bed with my wife instead of staying up to "do some work" and drinking until after midnight (she has stopped asking me to come to bed and instead just disappears to bed because she knows my answer...how bad is that?)
6. Planning family activities out without taking into consideration how early we will be home so I can start drinking (I don't drink out with my family...weird, huh?)
7. Hiding the empty beer cans in the garbage so it won't be so obvious how many I finished.

I was watching a movie with my son tonight (while drinking) and he asked, "have you ever been drunk?" WOW...the movie was portraying a person who was drinking alot and couldn't remember things, was stumbling, etc. I said "no" but talk about a knife to the heart.

I said in an earlier post that the easiest day to stop drinking is tomorrow, and I know that I'm saying that I am going to stop tomorrow... but I do mean it...now it's up to me to make it happen.

Thank you to all who have given advice and encouragement on this site...you rock!

6palms

I have broken so many promises to her before (I really am going to cut back, I'm really only going to drink on weekends, etc. ) that part of me wants my actions to speak for me...the other part of me wants to tell her that I am truly committed this time and for her to help hold me accountable...

The same question can apply for my children...ages 10 and 15...what are your thoughts about this?

Sapling

Those sound like real good reasons to me...

Dee74

I dunno what your family's like 6palms but I reached the stage where my word was worth nothing...

just being the change I wanted to be was, for me, a far more powerful a statement.

I don't think it's anyones job to help you be accountable either - supports important, but you need to assume that responsibility yourself

D

Sapling

Yeah..I agree with Dee...You have to do this for yourself...And everybody wins...Let your actions speak for you for awhile.

BillyPilgrim

I have been there, the one thing I would say is you won't be able to cut back, I tried that and at first it works but eventually the "weekends" become longer. I hope you succeed being sober isn't perfect, my bones still creak, but it is so much better than the way you feel drinking.

6palms

I agree...I think it's time to put up or shut up....I have made so many "side-deals" with my children that they almost laugh when I have said that "I really mean it this time"....how pathetic.

I have my alarm set for 8:30 tomorrow morning and am starting with a 45 minute walk to set my mind right for the day, followed by breakfast with the family, church and the library to get the book for my reading on AVRT (will have to sneak that book out).

The day isn't my problem...the 6:00 pm hour is the beast beckoning hour and I must be ready for him!

sugarbear1

Have you asked your son if he ever thought you were drunk? A new perspective may be in store.

Have you read any of your old posts?

I hope tomorrow becomes today!

Stay stopped!

InsertNameHere

Good start, I am in the process of beating mine as well just announced my big plan tonight. Grab this thing by two horns and learn what you need to. If you want I can link a couple of threads that helped me work through to the point that I understood it because it took me a while but once it really clicked truly I felt awesome. Also I don't have family but if I did I think I would go with what a couple others have said as well, quit on your own for you and let them notice. Maybe even play it off as no big deal, in my imagination this plays out with your children respecting you more and not seeing alcohol as part of thier lives (can't say daddy was an alcoholic which will give them an excuse later in life) and I figure the day your wife says "have you quit drinking?" or something to that effect your pride in what you have accomplished will shoot through the roof. But like I said I don't have a family so don't really know what that is like. I would say good luck but that seems counterintuitive so Go Get Um!

6palms

:ghug3Sugarbear,

Your comment about "have you read your other posts" hurt a bit, but was deserved. I have come here with much enthusiasm, yet still haven't gotten anywhere...point taken.

You will see a day one success tomorrow though! Followed by continued success!! I am ready, and I will make you all proud (sounds very school-boyish)

desertsong

I can hear your enthusiasm and determination, 6palms. Just follow through tomorrow and let us know how you're doing. Kids are a terrific motivation for getting sober ... I know mine are.

6palms

INH...

Funny that you make that comment about my wife noticing...I've played that conversation in my head hundreds of times...like you said, playing it off like no big deal...."yeah, I decided that it was really a waste of time and money", while truly knowing that it took me a LONG time to make this "casual" decision.

Thanks...

too.tall

Do it man, stop today. Think of your future without alcohol and the benefits to your health and wallet. Do it and keep us posted. You can be an inspiration

6palms

Day one hour one. Woke up before my alarm to go for my planned "head clearing" walk. Trying to be ultra aware of my AV today who already tried to make me miss the walk ( him: u never get to sleep in, just sleep in and wake up for bfast In An hour.... Me: f-u. I know I feel like s**t but I made the commitment to take this walk). I'll keep u posted! Have a terrific day all!!!

sissy07

6palms,

I wish you the very best!

sugarbear1

Sorry about hurting you. Sometimes a dose of our own delusion is required to prompt a real change.

One hour at a time. You CAN stay stopped!!!

Praise7

Hurt reading your list because it was mine. I almost lost them all, my family I mean and it still could happen if I pick up again.

Tippingpoint

I think telling my wife was an important step in my recovery. As long as my problem was my secret it really didn't matter if I quit or not. Telling my partner upped my accountability by a rather significant margin. To go back to drinking after bringing her into the loop would be to admit failure and instead of enjoying a drink as I always had I would be seen in the harsh light of truth as feeding my addiction...a sad and sorry state.

I can still remember that day that I told her...she thought I was about to tell her that I was having an affair...I think she was almost relieved by the news of my drinking problem!

Terminally Unique

A couple things, 6palms. Firstly, if you are like most of us, your family is unlikely to believe anything you say regarding drinking until they see it. Even if you do quit, they may doubt you for quite a while, but your job is to understand that they are in their right minds by doubting you.

Secondly, as far as AVRT is concerned, your desire to be "held accountable" is pristine Addictive Voice, which you are failing to recognize. Remember, the definition of the AV is: "Any thinking, imagery, or feeling that supports, or even suggests, the possible future use of alcohol or drugs -- ever."

Wanting to be "held accountable" by your wife in order to abstain necessarily suggests that without being held accountable by her, you might not abstain. Your desire for accountability is nothing more, and nothing less, than a dignified plan to drink in the absence of accountability.

Meminy

6palms, I'm not familiar with your relationship with your wife, but I will say this...without coming clean about my problem and my inability to control it with my husband, I wouldn't be on my third week sober right now. I absolutely NEEDED the support and accountability he provided to stop, and I need what he still provides to continue in the battle. Your wife can become your greatest ally and champion if you let her. After all, it's in sickness and health, right? good luck!