Finishing 26 Days: Cranky? Depressed?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Finishing 26 Days: Cranky? Depressed?
So I've done okay but I have some strong temptations sometimes. I could deal with that but I have even stronger arguments with myself. I wonder if I really need to sever all contact with alcohol, I wonder if I haven't made too big a deal of it.
I guess the problem is that I've always been really prone to depression. I have a therapist but have always resisted medication (ha!). Now that I'm through the gauntlet of alcohol effects I'm feeling my natural patterns and suddenly, rather than being a little frantic, tending toward being quite the party girl, I'm withdrawn, sullen, depressed.
But less anxious so that's good.
Where is the line? When is it just recreating myself and when is it actual depression? I know no one can give that kind of advice, but
How many of us became depressed nearing 30 days? Why?
I guess the problem is that I've always been really prone to depression. I have a therapist but have always resisted medication (ha!). Now that I'm through the gauntlet of alcohol effects I'm feeling my natural patterns and suddenly, rather than being a little frantic, tending toward being quite the party girl, I'm withdrawn, sullen, depressed.
But less anxious so that's good.
Where is the line? When is it just recreating myself and when is it actual depression? I know no one can give that kind of advice, but
How many of us became depressed nearing 30 days? Why?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
30 days is rough for a lot of people...for somepeople it's PAWs...but I think
a lot of us experience culture shock Missy - it looks like the same world, but it's not - all our reactions, all our relationships, even our thoughts are different.
It took me a while for that to sink in, because the first few weeks were all about *NOT DRINKING* (flashing neon)
When you get beyond that there's also the realisation that being sober won't magically make everything else right.....
All that can take the wind out of us for a while...it certainly did me.
Things get better
D
a lot of us experience culture shock Missy - it looks like the same world, but it's not - all our reactions, all our relationships, even our thoughts are different.
It took me a while for that to sink in, because the first few weeks were all about *NOT DRINKING* (flashing neon)
When you get beyond that there's also the realisation that being sober won't magically make everything else right.....
All that can take the wind out of us for a while...it certainly did me.
Things get better
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Thanks Dee. You're right about the flashing neon light--and I hate it. I hate that my free time is all focused on NOT drinking.
And the fact that everything won't always be lovely is crappy too.
So I'm hanging in--but I have to keep justifying this. I think that's part of it. It used to be obvious to me why I needed to stay away from alcohol. Now it's a little fuzzy.
And the fact that everything won't always be lovely is crappy too.
So I'm hanging in--but I have to keep justifying this. I think that's part of it. It used to be obvious to me why I needed to stay away from alcohol. Now it's a little fuzzy.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Missy
When I was drinking I knew my emotional responses were becoming coarser. Over the last few years I have been more prone to anger than at any time before in my life. Usually over "real" issues. At some level I accepted that I was on my way to becoming a shell of my former self.
With abstinence I experienced significant emotional changes for months, sometimes I would flip and become highly aroused when upset, at other times no energy no sleep, depressed.......... all sort of things. At times it was very strange, emptiness etc but occasional periods of intense calm. I came to think of it as the long tail of alcohol withdrawal. It resolved over six months (not to say that things were at a clinical level for all of that time), things moseyed over to my dawning realisation that there are some things I need to change. Whilst it may not be relevant for you I am starting to recognise that I get drawn in to seeing things in certain ways and reacting in ways that are not helpful. It is clear to me now that in addition to being addicted I used alcohol to settle me down and turn off from "issues" and I will have to learn other ways of coping.
I also think there is something about the 'mental obsession' that clears significantly at 90 days or so. Your experience may differ.
Things may not resolve quickly..........and I am OK with that. At 10 months I have come now to see where I am now as a consolidating phase of early recovery.
When I was drinking I knew my emotional responses were becoming coarser. Over the last few years I have been more prone to anger than at any time before in my life. Usually over "real" issues. At some level I accepted that I was on my way to becoming a shell of my former self.
With abstinence I experienced significant emotional changes for months, sometimes I would flip and become highly aroused when upset, at other times no energy no sleep, depressed.......... all sort of things. At times it was very strange, emptiness etc but occasional periods of intense calm. I came to think of it as the long tail of alcohol withdrawal. It resolved over six months (not to say that things were at a clinical level for all of that time), things moseyed over to my dawning realisation that there are some things I need to change. Whilst it may not be relevant for you I am starting to recognise that I get drawn in to seeing things in certain ways and reacting in ways that are not helpful. It is clear to me now that in addition to being addicted I used alcohol to settle me down and turn off from "issues" and I will have to learn other ways of coping.
I also think there is something about the 'mental obsession' that clears significantly at 90 days or so. Your experience may differ.
Things may not resolve quickly..........and I am OK with that. At 10 months I have come now to see where I am now as a consolidating phase of early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Yea, the first 30 were tough for me, it's par for the corse though i think.
I remember some days all i could do was not drink, nothing else and it was so hard i could not think about much else.
It gets better, keep your eye on the goal, looking back now at the first year, I can say it was really worth the struggle for me to stop drinking for good.
I remember some days all i could do was not drink, nothing else and it was so hard i could not think about much else.
It gets better, keep your eye on the goal, looking back now at the first year, I can say it was really worth the struggle for me to stop drinking for good.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Considering the amount you're doing to this point you're getting great results and far more days sober than most who try the one meeting a week plan.
If you're not pleased with your results, why not consider doing more to get more?
If you're not pleased with your results, why not consider doing more to get more?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Lots of support to you. My experience is that I was still not-drinking at 30 days. I spent a lot of time here reading and posting.
When I got fuzzy about why I was doing this, a detailed pro/con list of sober vs. drinking helped me. Also, "playing the tape all the the way to the end."
I also had a specific 3 month goal to run a half marathon. Having something big and important to look forward to kept me positively motivated.
Keep on keeping on!
When I got fuzzy about why I was doing this, a detailed pro/con list of sober vs. drinking helped me. Also, "playing the tape all the the way to the end."
I also had a specific 3 month goal to run a half marathon. Having something big and important to look forward to kept me positively motivated.
Keep on keeping on!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 205
The first 30 were pretty rough for me too, up and down like a yo-yo.
I am now nearing 60 and its MUCH better. I still cannot wait for 120 to get here to I can further distance myself from the "mess".
Hang in there, the worst is over.
I am now nearing 60 and its MUCH better. I still cannot wait for 120 to get here to I can further distance myself from the "mess".
Hang in there, the worst is over.
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