haven't completely commited to being sober, but on day two
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
haven't completely commited to being sober, but on day two
I'm back. I think mostly because I received so much support before, and I could really use that in my life right now.
On Tuesday, I got wasted on two very strong cocktails. And I hadn't eaten anything. It was really embarassing because I was at this super classy bar, and I think I was kind of loud, and was drunk-texting someone, which ended up being extremely and horribly embarrassing after the couple hours it took to sober up.
I did eat at the bar, after I realized that the drinks really, really hit me. I felt a lot better, and but knew I was still a little tipsy. My friend offered to drive me home, but if I left my car where it was (2 hour parking), I would get a ticket. So yeah, I drove home. I'm SOOOO ashamed of that. It's hard for me to admit, even here, where you guys don't even know me. I feel like everyone is going to be pissed with me that I put my life and others lives' in jeapordy. However, the other part of me says that by the time I left, I wasn't wasted anymore. And I didn't have any problems staying in the lines, or swirving. But I did have to concentrate a little more than usual. I know it wasn't a good decision.
Anyway, I was all the way sober by the late evening, and was able to take my non-narcotic/non-benzo sleep med, and I slept perfectly. It had been at least a week or two since I slept well. Yesterday, I didn't drink at all, and it wasn't difficult at all to not drink. I even went to a brewery for happy hour food, and didn't drink. My reasoning in doing that was that I could get a full meal for super cheap.
I haven't drank today, but last week, I made plans to go to the brewery with a friend, to watch a movie they are showing tonight. I still want to go. I know I will be told here to not go. But I go back to my thinking that I don't really have a "problem". How can I have an alcohol problem if I only drink two or three drinks a night? And I'm not talking about the super fancy, strong drinks that I had on Tuesday. Normally, I'm a pretty cheap drinker.
I hope I'm not pissing you all off. Isn't this called the precontemplation stage in recovery terminology?
On Tuesday, I got wasted on two very strong cocktails. And I hadn't eaten anything. It was really embarassing because I was at this super classy bar, and I think I was kind of loud, and was drunk-texting someone, which ended up being extremely and horribly embarrassing after the couple hours it took to sober up.
I did eat at the bar, after I realized that the drinks really, really hit me. I felt a lot better, and but knew I was still a little tipsy. My friend offered to drive me home, but if I left my car where it was (2 hour parking), I would get a ticket. So yeah, I drove home. I'm SOOOO ashamed of that. It's hard for me to admit, even here, where you guys don't even know me. I feel like everyone is going to be pissed with me that I put my life and others lives' in jeapordy. However, the other part of me says that by the time I left, I wasn't wasted anymore. And I didn't have any problems staying in the lines, or swirving. But I did have to concentrate a little more than usual. I know it wasn't a good decision.
Anyway, I was all the way sober by the late evening, and was able to take my non-narcotic/non-benzo sleep med, and I slept perfectly. It had been at least a week or two since I slept well. Yesterday, I didn't drink at all, and it wasn't difficult at all to not drink. I even went to a brewery for happy hour food, and didn't drink. My reasoning in doing that was that I could get a full meal for super cheap.
I haven't drank today, but last week, I made plans to go to the brewery with a friend, to watch a movie they are showing tonight. I still want to go. I know I will be told here to not go. But I go back to my thinking that I don't really have a "problem". How can I have an alcohol problem if I only drink two or three drinks a night? And I'm not talking about the super fancy, strong drinks that I had on Tuesday. Normally, I'm a pretty cheap drinker.
I hope I'm not pissing you all off. Isn't this called the precontemplation stage in recovery terminology?
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
I'm not sure what you'd call it, but you don't have to worry about anyone judging you here I don't think. We all had to go through the motions of reconciling our drinking and deciding where we stood with alcohol. I know I've done lots of dumb things while drinking too, driving being one of them.
As far as your plans tonight I think you know that the decision lies with you. The only thing I'll say is that if you do decide to stay sober for good, or even just for now, depending on your drinking habits you may need to seriously change your life in terms of what you do for fun, the people you associate with, how you prioritize your day, etc.
Also, I don't really think being an alcoholic has too much to do with how much you drink, but more what alcohol does to you. My whole life revolved around drinking, and I became a slave to it. I happened to be a daily heavy drinker, but not everyone is. We come in all shapes and sizes, so to speak.
Best wishes
As far as your plans tonight I think you know that the decision lies with you. The only thing I'll say is that if you do decide to stay sober for good, or even just for now, depending on your drinking habits you may need to seriously change your life in terms of what you do for fun, the people you associate with, how you prioritize your day, etc.
Also, I don't really think being an alcoholic has too much to do with how much you drink, but more what alcohol does to you. My whole life revolved around drinking, and I became a slave to it. I happened to be a daily heavy drinker, but not everyone is. We come in all shapes and sizes, so to speak.
Best wishes
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Hi Skip,
TTM Transtheoretical Model of Change stages are listed below:
Precontemplation: Individuals in the Precontemplation stage are not thinking about or intending to change a problem behavior (or initiate a healthy behavior) in the near future (usually quantified as the next six months). Precontemplators are usually not armed with the facts about the risks associated with their behavior. Additionally, many individuals make unsuccessful change attempts, becoming discouraged and regressing back to the Precontemplation stage. The inclusion of the Precontemplation stage represents a significant contribution of the TTM, as individuals in this stage comprise a large proportion of individuals engaged in risky or unhealthy behaviors. In comparison to many traditional, action-oriented theories of behavior change, which view individuals in this stage as resistant and unmotivated, the TTM can be useful in guiding treatment and prevention programs by meeting the needs of these individuals, rather than ignoring them.
Contemplation: An individual enters the Contemplation stage when he or she becomes aware of a desire to change a particular behavior (typically defined as within the next six months). In this stage, individuals weigh the pros and cons of changing their behavior. Contemplators also represent a large proportion of individuals engaged in unhealthy behaviors, as ambivalence between the pros and cons of change keeps many people immobilized in this stage. Resolving this ambivalence is one way to help Contemplators progress toward taking action to change their behavior.
Preparation: By the time individuals enter the Preparation stage, the pros in favor of attempting to change a problem behavior outweigh the cons, and action is intended in the near future, typically measured as within the next thirty days. Many individuals in this stage have made an attempt to change their behavior in the past year, but have been unsuccessful in maintaining that change. Preparers often have a plan of action, but may not be entirely committed to their plan. Many traditional action-oriented behavior change programs are appropriate for individuals in this stage.
Action: The Action stage marks the beginning of actual change in the criterion behavior, typically within the past six months. By this point, where many theories of behavior change begin, an individual is half way through the process of behavior change according to the Transtheoretical Model. This is also the point where relapse, and subsequently regressing to an earlier stage, is most likely. If an individual has not sufficiently prepared for change, and committed to their chosen plan of action, relapse back to the problem behavior is likely.
Maintenance: Individuals are thought to be in the Maintenance stage when they have successfully attained and maintained behavior change for at least six months. While the risk for relapse is still present in this stage, it is less so, and as such individuals need to exert less effort in engaging in change processes.
from The HABITS Lab at UMBC: The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change
Maybe this helps
Dazee
TTM Transtheoretical Model of Change stages are listed below:
Precontemplation: Individuals in the Precontemplation stage are not thinking about or intending to change a problem behavior (or initiate a healthy behavior) in the near future (usually quantified as the next six months). Precontemplators are usually not armed with the facts about the risks associated with their behavior. Additionally, many individuals make unsuccessful change attempts, becoming discouraged and regressing back to the Precontemplation stage. The inclusion of the Precontemplation stage represents a significant contribution of the TTM, as individuals in this stage comprise a large proportion of individuals engaged in risky or unhealthy behaviors. In comparison to many traditional, action-oriented theories of behavior change, which view individuals in this stage as resistant and unmotivated, the TTM can be useful in guiding treatment and prevention programs by meeting the needs of these individuals, rather than ignoring them.
Contemplation: An individual enters the Contemplation stage when he or she becomes aware of a desire to change a particular behavior (typically defined as within the next six months). In this stage, individuals weigh the pros and cons of changing their behavior. Contemplators also represent a large proportion of individuals engaged in unhealthy behaviors, as ambivalence between the pros and cons of change keeps many people immobilized in this stage. Resolving this ambivalence is one way to help Contemplators progress toward taking action to change their behavior.
Preparation: By the time individuals enter the Preparation stage, the pros in favor of attempting to change a problem behavior outweigh the cons, and action is intended in the near future, typically measured as within the next thirty days. Many individuals in this stage have made an attempt to change their behavior in the past year, but have been unsuccessful in maintaining that change. Preparers often have a plan of action, but may not be entirely committed to their plan. Many traditional action-oriented behavior change programs are appropriate for individuals in this stage.
Action: The Action stage marks the beginning of actual change in the criterion behavior, typically within the past six months. By this point, where many theories of behavior change begin, an individual is half way through the process of behavior change according to the Transtheoretical Model. This is also the point where relapse, and subsequently regressing to an earlier stage, is most likely. If an individual has not sufficiently prepared for change, and committed to their chosen plan of action, relapse back to the problem behavior is likely.
Maintenance: Individuals are thought to be in the Maintenance stage when they have successfully attained and maintained behavior change for at least six months. While the risk for relapse is still present in this stage, it is less so, and as such individuals need to exert less effort in engaging in change processes.
from The HABITS Lab at UMBC: The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change
Maybe this helps
Dazee
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Good that you haven't drank since Tuesday. Looks like your decision to quit for a very long time is ending quickly.
I'd call this particular stage 'getting a good look at what actually happens after you've firmly and irrevocably decided not to drink with an ironclad decision and then after drinking again conning yourself it really means something other than what is obvious.'
The next stage is selling yourself the idea that you didn't really mean it when you said you were going to stop, so it's really not like something happened that you couldn't control. Looking back, you were just operating under a supersecret level of control that you weren't even aware of at the time.
Lots of stages before it sinks in that maybe it's true that you've a condition you wish you didn't have, one getting generally worse with more time drinking.
Next time take the ride and pay the ticket. Cops often stake out bars and pop drunks when they very carefully drive off, intending on just making it home and hurting no one at all.
I'd call this particular stage 'getting a good look at what actually happens after you've firmly and irrevocably decided not to drink with an ironclad decision and then after drinking again conning yourself it really means something other than what is obvious.'
The next stage is selling yourself the idea that you didn't really mean it when you said you were going to stop, so it's really not like something happened that you couldn't control. Looking back, you were just operating under a supersecret level of control that you weren't even aware of at the time.
Lots of stages before it sinks in that maybe it's true that you've a condition you wish you didn't have, one getting generally worse with more time drinking.
Next time take the ride and pay the ticket. Cops often stake out bars and pop drunks when they very carefully drive off, intending on just making it home and hurting no one at all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I've been in this place too, but know in my heart that the odd 1 or 2 doesn't end there with me.
I will drink til I can't any more especially if I haven't got work the next morning.
Nonetheless there is still that little nagging voice inside me that whispers that I haven't got a real problem cos I still have my career, my friends and family and I haven't ended up in real trouble......yet.
I am learning to ignore that voice and listen instead to the words of fellow alcoholics who have been through all this and are inspiring to me.
I no longer want the hangovers, shakes, guilt and wasted weekends.
I have made that commitment and am taking steps to change things. This is my second sober weekend and it feels good.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well. We will all be here for you whatever. No judgements.
If I've learned anything over the past few weeks, it's that this is the place to be however you're feeling.
Take care x
I will drink til I can't any more especially if I haven't got work the next morning.
Nonetheless there is still that little nagging voice inside me that whispers that I haven't got a real problem cos I still have my career, my friends and family and I haven't ended up in real trouble......yet.
I am learning to ignore that voice and listen instead to the words of fellow alcoholics who have been through all this and are inspiring to me.
I no longer want the hangovers, shakes, guilt and wasted weekends.
I have made that commitment and am taking steps to change things. This is my second sober weekend and it feels good.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well. We will all be here for you whatever. No judgements.
If I've learned anything over the past few weeks, it's that this is the place to be however you're feeling.
Take care x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
It's good that you're still trying though Skip, even if you don't feel completely committed. I wish I'd tried something, anything about a decade ago. I've lost so much time to that internal debate in my head. Are you still going to AA? x
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