anger and sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 85
anger and sobriety
Hi all,
I haven't posted lately because I fell off the wagon for a bit... but I'm back on now and realized something interesting. Now that I've been sober for a little while, I feel angry like I never have before! Not just irritable, but I have this general "F--- You" attitude all the time. Got in an argument with my bf today - usually I would just cry and feel sorry for myself and beg him not to leave me. But today I just told him (with a lot of attitude) that he better not do what he's thinking about doing or I'm done with him. It's very uncharacteristic of me to be that harsh with anyone, and it's been going on for days. I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing - it's bad because I'm being such a b----, but it's good because I feel like I'm standing up for myself for once. I really hope that this is not sober me though! I think some of it is a defense mechanism too though... now that I'm actually having feelings again, I'm so afraid of people hurting me (especially my bf) that I guess I'm putting up a wall. Anyone else go through something similar?
I haven't posted lately because I fell off the wagon for a bit... but I'm back on now and realized something interesting. Now that I've been sober for a little while, I feel angry like I never have before! Not just irritable, but I have this general "F--- You" attitude all the time. Got in an argument with my bf today - usually I would just cry and feel sorry for myself and beg him not to leave me. But today I just told him (with a lot of attitude) that he better not do what he's thinking about doing or I'm done with him. It's very uncharacteristic of me to be that harsh with anyone, and it's been going on for days. I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing - it's bad because I'm being such a b----, but it's good because I feel like I'm standing up for myself for once. I really hope that this is not sober me though! I think some of it is a defense mechanism too though... now that I'm actually having feelings again, I'm so afraid of people hurting me (especially my bf) that I guess I'm putting up a wall. Anyone else go through something similar?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I don't know how long you have sober...But the first month my mood swings were all over the place...But I kept myself really busy in a recovery program...Tried to fill my time with something positive...
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Oh yes. I'm early in this game too and my emotions are so all over the place that I feel totally whacked out sometimes. Anxious one minute, sad the next, mad the next, and then indescribably happy. Someone get me a straightjacket ...
It helps to get out of your head for awhile by doing something else, especially something that makes you feel good. Exercise, even mild exercise helps because it gets those happy endorphins going and they will smooth out your mood considerably (they'll also help you sleep better at night). Journaling is a great way to get out those icky feelings too. I've written pages and pages of crap that nobody else would care about but it made me feel better to let loose with my feelings some place where it wouldn't hurt anyone else. If you have any hobbies or crafty-type things you like to do (creative stuff), that's a good outlet. I decided to learn how to quilt after many years of wanting to do it but being too lazy to try. It's relaxing, or at least it will be, after I stop stabbing myself with the needle and making myself bleed.
You'll be okay, just be kind to yourself and as kind as you can be toward those around you. The more we vent at other people, the worse we end up feeling. We can get those feelings out ... we NEED to get them out ... we just need to learn how to do it in positive, more constructive ways.
It helps to get out of your head for awhile by doing something else, especially something that makes you feel good. Exercise, even mild exercise helps because it gets those happy endorphins going and they will smooth out your mood considerably (they'll also help you sleep better at night). Journaling is a great way to get out those icky feelings too. I've written pages and pages of crap that nobody else would care about but it made me feel better to let loose with my feelings some place where it wouldn't hurt anyone else. If you have any hobbies or crafty-type things you like to do (creative stuff), that's a good outlet. I decided to learn how to quilt after many years of wanting to do it but being too lazy to try. It's relaxing, or at least it will be, after I stop stabbing myself with the needle and making myself bleed.
You'll be okay, just be kind to yourself and as kind as you can be toward those around you. The more we vent at other people, the worse we end up feeling. We can get those feelings out ... we NEED to get them out ... we just need to learn how to do it in positive, more constructive ways.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by SnowDaisy 
Anyone else go through something similar?
Hang in there.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Snowdaisy,
Yes I can relate to what you are saying. Early in sobriety my family would trigger me so much. They would invite me out for dinner and I would leave before we had even ordered. I would walk the 4 kms home in a rage?????
I used to let people walk all over me and was a people pleaser, don't make waves kind of person. It was the drinking, it made me very fearful. I see that now.
I can't speak for your situation but let me suggest you try and observe these emotions as they come up as dipassionately as you can.
I am 9 months sober and started a raw food diet 10 days ago because I was eating loads of sugary stuff.
One thing I have noticed is my anger has reduced dramatically. I didn't expect this outcome. I think the sugar may be a trigger in my case.
if anyone out there can enlighten me further, most grateful.
Just don't drink over it
CaiHong
Yes I can relate to what you are saying. Early in sobriety my family would trigger me so much. They would invite me out for dinner and I would leave before we had even ordered. I would walk the 4 kms home in a rage?????
I used to let people walk all over me and was a people pleaser, don't make waves kind of person. It was the drinking, it made me very fearful. I see that now.
I can't speak for your situation but let me suggest you try and observe these emotions as they come up as dipassionately as you can.
I am 9 months sober and started a raw food diet 10 days ago because I was eating loads of sugary stuff.
One thing I have noticed is my anger has reduced dramatically. I didn't expect this outcome. I think the sugar may be a trigger in my case.
if anyone out there can enlighten me further, most grateful.
Just don't drink over it
CaiHong
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
Hi SnowDaisy, and welcome back.
I went through the same thing my first few weeks, and my emotions were raw and all over the place. I could barely participate in a conversation without wanting to rip out the other person's throat just out of sheer impatience.
When the dust settled, I found that I still harboured a lot of resentment towards family, friends and co-workers. Like CaiHong, I've always been a people-pleaser, and was terrified of confrontation. While drinking I passively accepted my relationships with others, and once I was sober I realized how much resentment and happiness was laying underneath. I'm actually working on this right now with my addiction counsellor.
I went through the same thing my first few weeks, and my emotions were raw and all over the place. I could barely participate in a conversation without wanting to rip out the other person's throat just out of sheer impatience.
When the dust settled, I found that I still harboured a lot of resentment towards family, friends and co-workers. Like CaiHong, I've always been a people-pleaser, and was terrified of confrontation. While drinking I passively accepted my relationships with others, and once I was sober I realized how much resentment and happiness was laying underneath. I'm actually working on this right now with my addiction counsellor.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Yes, I found the same thing. I had always behaved the way I thought I should and in doing so, had ignored my feelings for most of my life. The good news is that you will swing back to a balanced position where you will be able to say 'No' and feel good about it. The anger will no longer be necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 205
X2 on the first month being a roller coaster. Great spirits one day and in the gutter the next. It DOES level out, I am on day 52 and starting to feel normal again. Those first few weeks though, OMG...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
I know how you feel. The first 2.5 months were brutal for me and my family. I had more bad days than good ones. I'm finally starting to feel good again.
For awhile I was just mad, restless, and tired all the time. Journaling, hot showers, exercise, eating better, 12 step work, and AA meetings have helped me tremendously. My therapist also did some adjusting on my medications. Feeling much better now.
Hang in there.
God bless.
For awhile I was just mad, restless, and tired all the time. Journaling, hot showers, exercise, eating better, 12 step work, and AA meetings have helped me tremendously. My therapist also did some adjusting on my medications. Feeling much better now.
Hang in there.
God bless.
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