Fixing The Hole
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Fixing The Hole
Copied from another message board:
This is abbey's analogy, and it is invaluable:
FIXING THE HOLE
The addict puts themselves, you and your family in a boat....and rows out into the middle of the ocean. This is your life.
Maybe everything was fine......
Until the addict took a hatchet and put a big ol' mofo hole in the bottom of the boat. This is the progression of their addiction to the point where you are now in danger.
So....you blow up the life raft and put your children in...and you get in....and start rowing to safety. This is you... moving out, kicking them out, getting a TRO....etc.
And then you see them waving saying "Wait...come back.....if you come back....I will fix the hole in the boat"
And of course...this is the point where they know that you won't even consider coming back.....unless they promise to fix the hole in the boat
It is my personal opinion that this is where it is vitally important that you not give them a pass. That you make them fix the hole in the boat....by themselves.
Some may opt to put a flimsy cork in the hole. The pressure builds....you get back into the boat too soon....and the cork goes flying sky high.
Until they sand down the rough edges......fill the hole with resin......and take that boat on a solo voyage...to make sure it's not going to spring a leak and put their
family in danger...... rehab...starting a program of sobriety and recovery with no expectations of what will or will not be waiting for them when they get out........
only then...might you consider climbing back in.....
This is abbey's analogy, and it is invaluable:
FIXING THE HOLE
The addict puts themselves, you and your family in a boat....and rows out into the middle of the ocean. This is your life.
Maybe everything was fine......
Until the addict took a hatchet and put a big ol' mofo hole in the bottom of the boat. This is the progression of their addiction to the point where you are now in danger.
So....you blow up the life raft and put your children in...and you get in....and start rowing to safety. This is you... moving out, kicking them out, getting a TRO....etc.
And then you see them waving saying "Wait...come back.....if you come back....I will fix the hole in the boat"
And of course...this is the point where they know that you won't even consider coming back.....unless they promise to fix the hole in the boat
It is my personal opinion that this is where it is vitally important that you not give them a pass. That you make them fix the hole in the boat....by themselves.
Some may opt to put a flimsy cork in the hole. The pressure builds....you get back into the boat too soon....and the cork goes flying sky high.
Until they sand down the rough edges......fill the hole with resin......and take that boat on a solo voyage...to make sure it's not going to spring a leak and put their
family in danger...... rehab...starting a program of sobriety and recovery with no expectations of what will or will not be waiting for them when they get out........
only then...might you consider climbing back in.....
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