yez5

I am new here and rather nervous. I have been married for 8 years and together for 10 with my husband. We have three beautiful children, 6, 4 and 1. For the past three years my husband has been addicted to cocaine. It began slowly and started I think because of all the money problems we had. In this span of four years we lost a restaurant, a home and went bankrupt. Because of this we moved to NC for a new start. We got pregnant with my 1 year old there so I couldn't work right off. He started to disappear for days at a time, sold our things and took our money. Because I was not working at the time it made it all so much worse. After I had the baby he swore to me he would stop and everything would be okay. It didn't of course. I was so scared, I had never dealt with this before so I called my family and they took over. They came and got me and my kids and took us back to NY. For the 6 months I was away from him he called me constantly, begging me to return. Saying he would die without me. I loved him so much and was so scared that I went back against my families wishes. We moved to Florida for a fresh start. I got a job, the kids were settled in school and daycare and I was waiting for him to get a job as well. We have been here a year, no job and he started using again. He has stolen from me, sold his wedding ring, which I still can't forgive him for. The latest was he used up all of our tax return that we needed so badly. He came home a mess and the kids saw him like that! I told him that was the end and told him to leave. He pleaded and cried but I stayed firm. We have no money for him to go to a good rehab place and he says the state ones are terrible. So he left for NY to stay with his parents. I told him he is not allowed to see the kids unless he is clean and has had treatment. The calls started again, he wants to come back to do an outpatient program here, which means he would have to come back home. I am so scared of this. Part of me wants him back, but the other just wants this over. I keep telling him no but he keeps calling and texting and emailing me. He says that this is the only way it will really work, if he is here with his family. And his parents will pay for it. I haven't told all of my family yet, just two sisters and they want him out of my life of course. I just don't know what to do anymore. My 6 year old son is so angry and sad all the time. He wants his dad back. I told him he was sick and had to be away for a while. I am just so confused and tired. I have three babies to care for, work and bills that are taking over everything. I am sorry if I am rambling I just don't know what to do.
If anyone has some insight or anything please let me know.
Thank you

Sapling

Welcome yez5...First thing is relax...You're in a very friendly place now..With some great support...You sound like an incredible lady that has been through far too much....We also have a Friends and Family Forum for people going through the same type of things you are...It's great to have you with us...

Sapling

If you want to hang out here...Meet some people...You're more than welcome...If later you'd like to introduce yourself to the Friends and Family forum...Do some reading or posting there...It's right here. Like I said...You're in a good place.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

yez5

Thank you, I guess I don't know what I'm doing. Never done this before. But I am trying to relax thanks

Jitterbugg

Hi yez,
Your situation sounds very much like my sister's marriage. Her husband became hooked on cocaine shortly after she had twins. They lost their house and he even sold their car to some drug dealer. He disappeared for a week at a time often. He did two in-patient rehab stints before he conquered his addiction. He's been clean for 2 years now and is living back with my sister and their kids.

Sapling

You got to start somewhere...That's a good start.

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

I'm sorry for your situation and I hope you will check out our Friends & Families forums. Also, you might find that NarAnon in your area would be helpful.

artsoul

Welcome yez5 -

I really feel bad for you - that's an awful position to be put in. You're definitely not alone, though. I'm really impressed at how you've been handling it so far - you have to think about yourself and the children first. His thinking is caught in addiction.
Frankly, anyone around this forum will tell you that's not true. He can get clean anywhere, anytime, if he's open to getting help. I would think that both of you need to know not only that he's off the coke, but is going to stick to it for a period of time. Hopefully this outpatient program will begin to help....... I'll send some prayers for you and your family - this is a tough battle.....:ghug3