Igglepiggle

Alcohol has ruined my life over the last couple of years. Reading these forums has brought me comfort and I realize I'm not alone in the fight. I'm 42 and only started drinking a few years ago. I was in a relationship - turbulentto say the least! Before I met T I was a successful golf teacher - I had the biggest kids acadamy in the county! Then in she walked - the most wonderful deep green eyes! <sigh>...The first month or so was magical. I then started to notice silly little things - irrational almost. I brushed them off. At one point she told me she had something called 'Fear of Abandoment' - at that point I didn't know what it was! Over the next 7 years I had every accusation under the sun - I was constantly defending myself - always on the back foot. She diagnosed me with bi-polar and insisted I went to get help...her argument was convincing and eventually I had convinced myself too. I was on a promise of mind altering, personality changing drugs for the rest of my life. The thought of it terrified me. Still the accusations came - dragging up the past - day after day. I'd be pushed to breaking point so many times I'd go upstairs and start packing my things - T would follow me, begging me to stay and promising she wouldn't do it again...sometime less that an hour passed and it would start again. I stayed because I loved her and was convinced she was the one - she would say 'I love you unconditionally and I want to spend my life with you'...everyone around me was saying 'Get Out!!' The last 12 months I decided to hang in there - I took both barrels every day. I saw I shrink re the Bi-polar and was told there was nothing wrong with me - mental exhaustion. I found comfort in alcohol. Not much at first but it gradually became every day - I'd take extra ***** at work just for a break...finally the inevitable happened. It ended. I felt like my world had ended and there was no tomorrow - That's when the trouble started. I drank - I reasoned it too - after all I had just broken up with the woman of my dreams - silly boy! A few months into complete abuse I decided enough was enough...alcohol had other ideas. I tried to stop...I realized I couldn't...what the****??? I tried again...nope - I was now drinking 3 days at a time with perhaps 2 days break! After about the 30th day one's I managed to go a month without drinking...I then got made redundant! Grrr!!! Time to think is time to drink! I started again, only for a few weeks before I pulled myself together. I started another job. 2 weeks into the job my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer (my mum was my hero - she'd beaten breast cancer and a brain tumour before) This time it was lung cancer and it had spread - all organs and to the brain...the final few days she was like a 2 yr old. She died November 15th 2010. I hit the bottle again- and hard! I'm here now - but for the grace of god - reaching for help. Stopping for me is essential - I didn't know what was happening - Im now in a state of massive WD syptoms - I've not gone 3 days without a drink. I'm now on day 3....again! Alcohol Is a poison to me. I am powerless over it. My enemy is not the first drink, it's the first sip. I have no coping mechanims. I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth.:rotfxko

Emjay40

Your story made me cry. I'm so sorry about your mum.
Today is my first day here. I'm determined to get better. I wish you all the best for your journey.

Dee74

Hi igglepiggle

Thank for sharing your story - I'm so sorry for your loss and your sadness.
I recognized in your story the way I turned more and more to alcohol to help me cope with stuff too - when I finally got sober I felt as if I had no coping skills at all either.

The good news is we can and do learn learn quickly how to function as a sober person again - I think the key is support - and you'll find a lot of that here - and a few ideas too.

It can look daunting, and it's not always easy but you've made the first step to recovery today by reaching out - welcome

sissy07

Welcome igglepiggle!

kiki5711

You'll make it! I know! Just reading about your personality, you have it in you! The girl of your life is waiting for you somewhere, don't destroy yourself.

LoftyIdeals

Igglepiggle...so glad you found SR. It's a lifesaver. I can tell you are at the end of your rope with drinking and ready to change. Hang on here, and you'll get all the support you'll need to get going. Its made all the difference for me.

Welcome, and Godspeed!

Saliena

igglepiggle -- I totally understand your story because it was my story to. Except that my marriage ended when my mother died because I withdrew and became very abusive in many many ways.

I wish you the best. Recovery is possible if you want it bad enough. Reach out here.. go to an AA meeting. Do what you need to do to not drink today. Don't work about tomm, next week, next year... worry only about today!!

Igglepiggle

Thankyou my friends. I can only say things are okay so many times. I'm not that strong. I hold on to you all for support. Thankyou all and thankyou SR xxx

kiki5711

Keep us posted! I'd like to hear that you're doing better.

jobei

Hey Igglepiggle welcome! The first week is so hard man because of those nasty withdrawals... I suggest making not drinking your priority! If you can take time off do it! If you can leave early from work do it! You really need to protect yourself and give your body a chance to heal up. You also mentioned you have no coping mechanisms which makes it really hard to not drink... you could try to get to an AA meeting... even if you just go and don't say a word? I bet you'll feel a bit better after even if you just listen in. We're all pulling for you take it easy today!

Igglepiggle

Thankyou folks...its the first time I've actually told all. Thankyou xxx

saphira

Welcome! I'm so sorry about your mother-- I can't imagine how hard that must be. The good news now, however, is that it sounds like you really want to quit drinking and you have just made hundreds of friends-- people who know exactly what you're going through-- just by comig here. keep reading and posting! Looking forward to hearing about your progress! You can do it!

Bonnie1

Igglepiggle. My first day after many false starts. Hang in there. We can get over these first few days. Positive thoughts being sent to you and to the other Day One's..

InsertNameHere

Welcome to SR Bro this place is helping me a lot I am sure it will you as well. And you are comming in with more of an open mind than I did thats for sure.

awuh1

You might want to consider a trip to your doctor to see if some medication might be in order. If you are “now in a state of massive WD symptoms” as you state, this would be a good idea. Even consider going to the emergency room.