kitkat70

My boyfriend of 9 months (he was 5 months sober when we met) has recently relapsed, and now won't see me. We love each other deeply, and have been clear to each other that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. He has been intermittently drinking for a week now. He has been seeking help from AA friends, and I am struggling to have faith. He tells me that he does not want me to see him in the state he is in. He is having anger management issues, and says he is afraid I will hate him for something he might do or say to me. I realize there is no way for him to know how long this will take. I try to tell him not to hide this from me, that I can handle it. I knew who I was dating from the first. He told me right away he was a recovering alcoholic, so I took this on myself. He says he does not want me to see this part of him while he is struggling. Should I just step aside and hope for the best? I love and miss him TERRIBLY. Is there something I should definitely NOT do? The last thing I want to do is add stress to his situation... but I also want to alleviate some of my own. Thank you for listening

zxcirce

Sorry about your situation.

Yes there's something you should not do. Don't force it. Don't go see him. He is right when he says you won't want to see him like this. He's doing you a favor. A relapsed alcoholic is not a pretty sight. Step back and hope, pray if you pray, let him figure out his situation on his own.

Best to you

kitkat70

Thank you zxcirce. Funny that I know what I need to do... it's just so hard to do it without someone else actually telling me to do it We talk frequently, and he tells me he loves me and that we will get through it. I find it difficult to hold my questions and concerns in check, though. My plan is to be patient, and to try not to burden him with my own hurt. He knows what this is doing to me, and us... not to mention his own children. I will do my best to concentrate on myself while he works on his recovery.

zxcirce

kitkat

It sounds like you've got your head on straight, I'm glad. Of course doing the right thing is way harder than just knowing what the right thing to do is. He can't answer your questions right now, not honestly anyway, while he is active in the addiction. The man you love is, well...kind of gone right now. His brain isn't working right--it's caught in a chemical mess that's really hard to get out of or see clearly out of. He's been hijacked so to speak, chemically. This board is a great place to ask those questions and seek support through this situation, though.

Do be patient, and don't allow HIM to burden YOU with his hurt, either. Take care of you