Skye10

Hi, I'm new here, although I'm not new to the world of addiction. My ex husband was an alcoholic. I know that I cannot help him and I'm keeping my distance and boundaries with him. I guess at this point I just need some support and to talk and listen to others that are going through the same thing.

I should have listened to my gut. He was addicted to meth over three years ago. Eventually quit, and continued to smoke weed. He now is doing out patient treatment due to a court order. He is monitored with random UA's and yet he still continues to use. Although recently I found out, he has talked to some other guys in treatment on how to control their "anxiety" without testing positive on a UA. Instead of smoking weed, he has started taking Tramadol, Suboxene, Somas, and benzos. I had no clue he was using pills until he started nodding out on my couch one night, and I couldn't wake him up. I am so scared for him I truly believe he will be sent back to prison or worse--possibly death.

I know I need to keep the focus on me, but its truly hard when someone you love is slowly killing themselves.

zoso77

Hi, Skye, and welcome to the board.

You are thinking the things you need to be thinking, which is good. I understand what you mean by it's hard to watch someone you love self destruct. Everyone on the board gets it, and you've come to the right place.

May I suggest a couple of things that may be of help to you.

I would read the "Stickys" at the top of the page, especially the "What Addicts Do" Sticky. That drives home, in blunt fashion, what it is you're up against. I would also find an Al Anon and/or Nar Anon meeting local to you and start attending. Coming to the board is a very strong first step, but it's also important that you have support local to you. That way, if need be, you could call someone when you're having a hard time.

Please don't beat yourself up over what you should have done differently. When we love someone, we may make decisions based on what our hearts tell us and what we want to believe. And sometimes that gets us in trouble. So, as you've said, it's time you take care of you.

Be Safe.

ZoSo

KuanYin

Skye: Your bf is still in active addiction. If not for the court order, would he be in treatment? Always pay attention to that gut feeling. That's your sub-conscious trying to get through to your conscious brain.

Skye10

Totally agree....I have broken up with him numerous times in the last few months because of his stupid choices and realizing he isn't the one for me. I see a therapist weekly, and we have talked about him and how he treats me. But I seem to keep giving him more chances. Why? I don't know...maybe because him and I share a lot of the same things regarding our abusive childhood and we can relate to each other. Maybe because I do see a man that wants to do better for himself and others but just can't quite get there because he is so damaged and broken.

I often ask myself why I still care...anvil--you are so right-Idk why he even bothers with treatment, all he is doing is going through the motions. In the past before I knew him, he would just not do what the courts told him to and would just go on the run because of his addictions. Now he is trying or so he says, to do things "right" yet he is slowly slipping. He said its too late to talk to his treatment provider about how he has been doing pills, because they will just send him back to prison. I think deep down inside he has made another huge mess of things again, and now he is cornered. I don't know a lot about pills and mixing them etc. although I assume he is taking the pills I have mentioned because they do not show up on UA's.

dollydo

Perhaps you may want to consider attending Naranon...for you...there is a link...your ex was an alcoholic and now you are with a drug addict. Might be just the right time to work on you, to not make the same mistake with another.... yet again.

As for him, he is not in recovery, his choices are his...and...yours are yours, it is not so much about your today as it is about your tomorrows.

Skye10

Thanks dollydo! I actually have been going to counseling for the last 6 months, and working on myself. In the end, I do not want this life, as well as him if he continues to use. I told him I am basically gone, the minute I found out about the pills. I don't think he will get sober or take his recovery seriously. I have got to keep myself busy and not worry about him anymore...easier said then done.

Ceejaysbag

I'm new here too and totally understand what you are going through, be strong and continue to think of yourself as number one, easier said then done I know.

A few months ago I discovered my boyfriend has a crack addiction, I have tried so hard to educate myself to deal with this but it has been hard and I started to lose myself it's only a few days now but I have realised I need to keep myself healthy first and foremost.

He and I have been through different processes over the last few months the most recent 3 days ago seems to be having the most positive effect. He has always refused to see it as a problem saying he is in control and not an addict even though he has always tried to hide his use from me and I have hid from him the effects that his use and deceit has had on me. After some raw honesty on both sides he has said he is giving it up, this isn't the first time but it is the first time he has described it as a problem and expressed a wish to make his life better.

He does not want to seek outside help and is convinced that he is capable of cold turkey which I guess is what led me here. I have to respect his choices but it is hard to believe it will be that simple.

I am learning that regardless of his choices I need to be strong and look after me. I also want our relationship to survive, he is not a bad person he just has a bad habit and I have been trying to educate myself to be more positive in my approach avoid laying blame and guilt trips etc.

I guess I'm here for inspiration and the support of knowing I am not alone but I hope to help others by sharing.

Best and positive wishes to all those out there using, recovering or supporting x

KelleyF

(((CeeJay)))

Glad your here; thanks for sharing.