A Call
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Join Date: Jun 2002
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A Call
AS called. He was angry at me for not pawning the title to the rv and sending him $500. He said hurtful things. Went to dinner with hubby with phone off. Enjoyed.
AS just called again highly agiatated. Said someone was on way over to fight him over some false assumptions. AS said he can't fight (due to motorcycle accident) so he was sitting there with a weapon waiting. Said he called to tell me bye and he loves me. I told him I was calling police and he told me he would blown his ....brains out if I did. He started cursing and yelling at me for making what he calls making assuptions. (Seems like everything is always my fault)
Actually I'm fairly calm. I'm just telling you guys what is happening right now to let it out cause there's no one I can tell. I have backed way off with the help this month and have been strongly considering the no contact system. I know in my gut something bad is going to happen...if not tonight, soon. But I'm not freaking out. I will not.
Could be more manipulation. He'll probably call back later wanting money thinking I will be so relieved that I will give it to him. I will not. I'm preparing for whatever happens, whenever. You know, I'm okay. I'm kinda proud of me right now. And my ringer will go off again when I go to bed.
AS just called again highly agiatated. Said someone was on way over to fight him over some false assumptions. AS said he can't fight (due to motorcycle accident) so he was sitting there with a weapon waiting. Said he called to tell me bye and he loves me. I told him I was calling police and he told me he would blown his ....brains out if I did. He started cursing and yelling at me for making what he calls making assuptions. (Seems like everything is always my fault)
Actually I'm fairly calm. I'm just telling you guys what is happening right now to let it out cause there's no one I can tell. I have backed way off with the help this month and have been strongly considering the no contact system. I know in my gut something bad is going to happen...if not tonight, soon. But I'm not freaking out. I will not.
Could be more manipulation. He'll probably call back later wanting money thinking I will be so relieved that I will give it to him. I will not. I'm preparing for whatever happens, whenever. You know, I'm okay. I'm kinda proud of me right now. And my ringer will go off again when I go to bed.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by washbe2 
AS called. He was angry at me for not pawning the title to the rv and sending him $500. He said hurtful things. Went to dinner with hubby with phone off. Enjoyed.
AS just called again highly agiatated. Said someone was on way over to fight him over some false assumptions. AS said he can't fight (due to motorcycle accident) so he was sitting there with a weapon waiting. Said he called to tell me bye and he loves me. I told him I was calling police and he told me he would blown his ....brains out if I did. He started cursing and yelling at me for making what he calls making assuptions. (Seems like everything is always my fault)
Actually I'm fairly calm. I'm just telling you guys what is happening right now to let it out cause there's no one I can tell. I have backed way off with the help this month and have been strongly considering the no contact system. I know in my gut something bad is going to happen...if not tonight, soon. But I'm not freaking out. I will not.
Could be more manipulation. He'll probably call back later wanting money thinking I will be so relieved that I will give it to him. I will not. I'm preparing for whatever happens, whenever. You know, I'm okay. I'm kinda proud of me right now. And my ringer will go off again when I go to bed.
AS just called again highly agiatated. Said someone was on way over to fight him over some false assumptions. AS said he can't fight (due to motorcycle accident) so he was sitting there with a weapon waiting. Said he called to tell me bye and he loves me. I told him I was calling police and he told me he would blown his ....brains out if I did. He started cursing and yelling at me for making what he calls making assuptions. (Seems like everything is always my fault)
Actually I'm fairly calm. I'm just telling you guys what is happening right now to let it out cause there's no one I can tell. I have backed way off with the help this month and have been strongly considering the no contact system. I know in my gut something bad is going to happen...if not tonight, soon. But I'm not freaking out. I will not.
Could be more manipulation. He'll probably call back later wanting money thinking I will be so relieved that I will give it to him. I will not. I'm preparing for whatever happens, whenever. You know, I'm okay. I'm kinda proud of me right now. And my ringer will go off again when I go to bed.
The question you have to ask yourself every day is do you want to engage in a situation where the deck is going to be stacked against your every time.
I wish you peace this evening and a good night's rest.
ZoSo
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You no longer dance the dance, Washbe, and soon he will catch on that pushing your fear buttons doesn't work anymore.
He says this to scare you. That doesn't mean he won't find himself in harms way, addiction puts him there, not you. It just means that you are powerless over his life. That's our step 1.
Hugs to you, I know how this can drain you. You're doing just fine here.
He says this to scare you. That doesn't mean he won't find himself in harms way, addiction puts him there, not you. It just means that you are powerless over his life. That's our step 1.
Hugs to you, I know how this can drain you. You're doing just fine here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the South
Posts: 228
washbe2: Reaching out right now, giving you a hug. Your AS sounds so much like my AS. It seems like for so many years now, mine has been hell-bent on self-destruction and I was bent on saving him from himself. In retrospect it was like a sick game.
I'm glad you're doing ok, glad you're giving yourself permission to enjoy dinner out with your husband, and starting to live your life again. I guess it's a process. It has been for me anyway, learning how to be 'normal' again. I, too, have let my mind go there - not in worry but in acceptance - that my AS may either die of an overdose or from some other dangerous situation he may place himself in, but I also know I have done everything in my power to help him, and he basically spit it all back in my face. I also know that "good kids", non-addicts also die untimely deaths, and no one has control of that either, so thus several times a day and night I give him to God.
Thank you for posting, as a reminder to so many of us that we are not alone. Sending prayers your way.
I'm glad you're doing ok, glad you're giving yourself permission to enjoy dinner out with your husband, and starting to live your life again. I guess it's a process. It has been for me anyway, learning how to be 'normal' again. I, too, have let my mind go there - not in worry but in acceptance - that my AS may either die of an overdose or from some other dangerous situation he may place himself in, but I also know I have done everything in my power to help him, and he basically spit it all back in my face. I also know that "good kids", non-addicts also die untimely deaths, and no one has control of that either, so thus several times a day and night I give him to God.
Thank you for posting, as a reminder to so many of us that we are not alone. Sending prayers your way.
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Join Date: Jun 2002
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Posts: 452
((((Thanks)))) for the supportive responses.
At least part of my expectations were realized. AS did call back saying the guy after him was riding past my AS's place shooting a gun. AS was again saying someone would die. Then came the expected. He wanted $150 to get a ride and go to a hotel for the night to prevent something drastic from happening. Was furious when I would not send it. More threats of a disaster.
Went to bed with phone off and church this morning. Just received a new message that he needs $150. He's going fishing and needs a room. Says guy is still riding past with a gun. But I'm standing firm. Want to be accountable.
Tip, I have changed my number in the past, and he somehow managed to get it - so many contacts. I also know him well enough to know that if he wants me and I can't be reached, he will stop at no means to do that. ...calling my work or whatever. I'm just thankful he doesn't live near here any longer. He has shown up at my work place before which isn't good,
He is now talking the possibility of going back to the old girlfriend who is all the way across the country. Course, there's a warrant for him there, so that may not go well.
Finding peace in the midst of the battle.......
At least part of my expectations were realized. AS did call back saying the guy after him was riding past my AS's place shooting a gun. AS was again saying someone would die. Then came the expected. He wanted $150 to get a ride and go to a hotel for the night to prevent something drastic from happening. Was furious when I would not send it. More threats of a disaster.
Went to bed with phone off and church this morning. Just received a new message that he needs $150. He's going fishing and needs a room. Says guy is still riding past with a gun. But I'm standing firm. Want to be accountable.
Tip, I have changed my number in the past, and he somehow managed to get it - so many contacts. I also know him well enough to know that if he wants me and I can't be reached, he will stop at no means to do that. ...calling my work or whatever. I'm just thankful he doesn't live near here any longer. He has shown up at my work place before which isn't good,
He is now talking the possibility of going back to the old girlfriend who is all the way across the country. Course, there's a warrant for him there, so that may not go well.
Finding peace in the midst of the battle.......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 317
Washabe,
KuanYin and I , call this “the crazy call” You might want to read our threads. I think they are under: the crazy call, my turn for the crazy call, and the crazy call update.
We went through the same thing, as so many people here have. I understand the dread feeling in your gut about something bad happening- because when drugs are involved, it predictably does.
I know what you mean about having no one to talk to about what happened, and I am glad you have us to talk with and let your feelings out.
What I did was turned off my answering machine (prevent nasty massages) and I use caller ID to return important calls. I know that doesn’t work for everyone. You may want to change your cell number if you can. I am doing that. My home phone, I can’t change, because it is my BF’s and he has had the same number for around 10 years. oh--turn the ringer down a notch too- this decreases the startled reaction to a loud dreaded ring.
It has been around 3 weeks since I have enforced “no contact” and my home and life are amazingly more peaceful.
I could not prevent him from taking drugs, dying, being arrested, getting a job, and crashing his car ect….when I was in contact with him any more then I can prevent these issues with no contact. The difference is: I am not caught up in the drama anymore, and for that matter, he is not caught up in mine.
Hugs
KuanYin and I , call this “the crazy call” You might want to read our threads. I think they are under: the crazy call, my turn for the crazy call, and the crazy call update.
We went through the same thing, as so many people here have. I understand the dread feeling in your gut about something bad happening- because when drugs are involved, it predictably does.
I know what you mean about having no one to talk to about what happened, and I am glad you have us to talk with and let your feelings out.
What I did was turned off my answering machine (prevent nasty massages) and I use caller ID to return important calls. I know that doesn’t work for everyone. You may want to change your cell number if you can. I am doing that. My home phone, I can’t change, because it is my BF’s and he has had the same number for around 10 years. oh--turn the ringer down a notch too- this decreases the startled reaction to a loud dreaded ring.
It has been around 3 weeks since I have enforced “no contact” and my home and life are amazingly more peaceful.
I could not prevent him from taking drugs, dying, being arrested, getting a job, and crashing his car ect….when I was in contact with him any more then I can prevent these issues with no contact. The difference is: I am not caught up in the drama anymore, and for that matter, he is not caught up in mine.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 317
I wanted to let you know also, that after a while of no contact- not answering calls, calling cops if they wont leave the front door , and not taking the call at work, they stop trying. It will increase at first, but once they know you mean business, and they can't get what they need, they move on. In rare cases a restraining order may be necessary.
You CAN put an end to this
take care
You CAN put an end to this
take care
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Wash))) - You're recovery is shining brighter than the sunshine outside! I'm sorry he's still trying to manipulate you, but so very proud that you aren't falling for it.
Yes, when we are using we're pretty darned manipulative. I actually cut myself off from my family, so no phone calls or anything, but let me get locked up? Oh yeah, I was going to kill myself if they didn't bail me out, they didn't care or love me, yada yada yada. Was released on OR the next day....straight back to the crack.
It was when I relapsed, found myself a deeper hole and had just enough clean time to really mess with my high, and I actually answered a call from my dad that he said the magic words for me (because I was already at the point where I didn't think I could live that life any more) "If you don't come home, today, I am calling your probation officer.
I knew that meant prison, I knew I was tired of living like I had the past 8 days, and I was done. I knew HE had had enough, and fortunately, so had I.
I've had more than a few A's try to manipulate me (especially my stepmom) and I just laugh...remind them "um, you ARE talking to an addict, remember? I just happen to be in recovery" and walk away. They get angry, find someone else to manipulate, whatever.
It's not my addiction recovery that got me to this point, it's my codie recovery and all the great people here. It warms my heart to see you posting this. Though I hate that he's still pulling out everything he can think of, YOU are okay, and that is awesome
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Yes, when we are using we're pretty darned manipulative. I actually cut myself off from my family, so no phone calls or anything, but let me get locked up? Oh yeah, I was going to kill myself if they didn't bail me out, they didn't care or love me, yada yada yada. Was released on OR the next day....straight back to the crack.
It was when I relapsed, found myself a deeper hole and had just enough clean time to really mess with my high, and I actually answered a call from my dad that he said the magic words for me (because I was already at the point where I didn't think I could live that life any more) "If you don't come home, today, I am calling your probation officer.
I knew that meant prison, I knew I was tired of living like I had the past 8 days, and I was done. I knew HE had had enough, and fortunately, so had I.
I've had more than a few A's try to manipulate me (especially my stepmom) and I just laugh...remind them "um, you ARE talking to an addict, remember? I just happen to be in recovery" and walk away. They get angry, find someone else to manipulate, whatever.
It's not my addiction recovery that got me to this point, it's my codie recovery and all the great people here. It warms my heart to see you posting this. Though I hate that he's still pulling out everything he can think of, YOU are okay, and that is awesome
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
[QUOTE=Impurrfect;
I've had more than a few A's try to manipulate me (especially my stepmom) and I just laugh...remind them "um, you ARE talking to an addict, remember? I just happen to be in recovery" and walk away. They get angry, find someone else to manipulate, whatever.
Amy[/QUOTE]
Loving this !!!
I've had more than a few A's try to manipulate me (especially my stepmom) and I just laugh...remind them "um, you ARE talking to an addict, remember? I just happen to be in recovery" and walk away. They get angry, find someone else to manipulate, whatever.
Amy[/QUOTE]
Loving this !!!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the South
Posts: 228
Hey washbe2: Are you old enough to remember the Original Saturday Nite Live, with Steve Martin? Remember "Land Shark"? Your AS's calls (I've had the same ones from mine), ring-ring, need $150 to pay drug dealer, ring-ring need $150 for fishing trip/motel room, ring-ring need $150 for ??? hmmm what might work? So when your phone rings, and it's AS, just think of Land Shark!!!
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LOL.... That's a good one KuanYin!!
"Plumber"
"Telegram"
"Candygram, Ma'am"
"I'm only a dolphin, Ma'am"
Plumber, M'aam - Chevy Chase Landshark skit • VideoSift: Online Video *Quality Control
"Plumber"
"Telegram"
"Candygram, Ma'am"
"I'm only a dolphin, Ma'am"
Plumber, M'aam - Chevy Chase Landshark skit • VideoSift: Online Video *Quality Control
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
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Posts: 452
Well, so far the big drastic hasn't happened....and I DID NOT GIVE IN TO HIM! He hasn't been calling since Saturday, so that is nice. My plans are to retire in another year, so we both have to buckle down and learn to live on less income.
You guys are funny! I remember Sat. Night Live, but never watched it much. Be assured that I will think of a landshark with the next call though!
You guys are funny! I remember Sat. Night Live, but never watched it much. Be assured that I will think of a landshark with the next call though!
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