Dominica2

Its a horrible feeling. My grandmother (she raised me) came to dinner last night. She is dying from small cell lung cancer, a very aggressive cancer with a very poor prognosis. She says to me that she is going to pay for my detox and an outpatient program because she wants me in my "right mind" while her health decreases and she eventually dies. I never thought this is what it would take for me to say I ginuinely cant wait for that appointment on Monday. I just dont want her to pay for it, especially since she is shelling out so much money to M.D. Anderson for "pallative" treatments to make her quality of life better. I know she wants me sober and I am definitely commited to doing this for her, while I still feel tremendous guilt for her paying, I just dont know what to do. I DO know that I absolutely need medical treatment for my DT's.
I drink way too much not to have the help. I guess what I am trying to get at, is do I take the money or not? I mean, she needs it much more than I do. But I have been trying to find a way into treatment for a very long time. Thank you for taking time to read this. Any input is welcomed graciously.

Dom.

augustwest

well if you want to go to detox and can afford it theres no reason not to pay for it yourself. if you can't afford it graciously accept her gift. i would be wary of getting sober for someone else. it certainly can be a major miotivating factor but my experience has been that we must get sober for ourselves.

DisplacedGRITS

Take the gift and treat it with all the respect it deserves. My longest period of sobriety was when my beloved father-in-law passed because i knew i couldn't mar his passing with my selfish disease. Use it as a springboard to recovery and good luck.

Anna

If your Grandmother needs the money much more than you do, then I would not accept it.

You can find a way to recover that doesn't involve a lot of expense for your grandmother. The Salvation Army offers free detox to anyone who wants it.

I'm sorry for your grandmother's illness.

2granddaughters

Take the gift, kiss your grandmother and MAKE THE MOST OF THE GIFT .

This opportunity to make a commitment may be a longtime coming again. Give yourself to a new life ...... that would be the best gift you could give your grandma. I know.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Dominica2

I just feel bad about taking the money. But I really cant afford it. She said it would be a gift to her as well as myself. Thanks everyone.

Fandy

I'm sorry but I do not think you should take the $$ from your Grandmother for detox. Especially if she needs it in her illness. I'm with Anna that there are other ways you can recover and stop drinking. You have stopped earlier and gone back? (unless i am confusing you with someone else).

You have a young child that you care for daily and if i remember correctly you work and go to school? what will happen if you leave?

what would happen if you went to detox, came out and resumed drinking? Are you wanting to quit for you or Grandma?

I'm very sorry for your Grandmother's illness, lung cancer is terrible. i hope you can stop drinking and feel better.

wellwisher

Well, to be honest with you, there are some problems that I can throw money at, and they may or may not go away. For instance, I had a legal issue over property, and I couldn't resolve it, so I threw my money at a lawyer and he solved it for me.

Then, there are problems that no matter how much money you throw at it, they won't resolve until you do the hard work.

I see the conversation here is about detox, but what about after?

I have a very dear friend, almost dead from alcohol, who goes into and out of detox like it is a spa; only to dry up and then start the cycle over again.

Clearly your grandmother wants to see you get your life back on track. She loves you and worries about you. She is willing to sacrifice all to make sure you are OK. That is a gift in and of itself.

I went to a detox and rehab where the roaches in the mashed potatoes were free. It would have been meaningless if I didn't have a plan for after the detox.

Something to consider, and I wish you the best....

Hugs to your Grandmother...she sounds like a wonderful woman. And hugs for you...

TheElf

Take the money, but only if you have an after-detox plan.

Good luck.

laurie6781

First, since your grandmother is 'terminal' why is she spending money for palliative care when there is Hospice, which is covered by Medicare.

If that is resollved, and IF yes that is a BIG 'IF' you would be doing the detox and Intensive Outpatient Care (IOP) for yourself then I would say graciously accept your grandmothers offer with a Big SMILE and then follow through with your commitment to sobriety.

But ONLY of you are DEAD SERIOUS about getting YOURSELF sober and clean FOR YOU and living a SOBER WAY of life. Yes, your child and your grandmother with the time she has left will benefit from your sobriety and recovery, but you will benefit more if you are serious and have reached the 'enough is enough' bottom.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Dominica2

My grandmother is spending money for pallative care to spend more time with our family. If she didnt, she would have been dead in 2 months. The pallative cares allows her up to 6 months, COMFORTABLY. I do not have doubts about the treatment she is getting, since it is the best cancer treatment center in the United States. Hospice will come in when she cant go on any longer, and we are prepared to take that step, when it comes. We will definitelty rush hospice. She is already terrified.

Look, of course I want to get better, and I have said it many times with the best of intentions. If I didnt want it I wouldnt even waste my time trying to convince myself that I am worth saving (trust me, I have been there about 10 times) and I know, people on this site are very sick of me saying the same old ****, all the time. I want to take the money and will be doing it for her as well as myself. My whole point here, however, is that I just feel uncomfortable taking the money. My grandmother has been crying to me for about two weeks straight about how she wants me well. That in itself gave me a wake up call. I have never lost anyone this crucial in my life before.

She feels that insurance has covered her enough and she has a very big life insurance policy, she sees it as no big deal, yet I still have reservations.

I want to be a mother for my daughter and a daughter to my mother (grandmother). I finally have an option for real treatment but under such horrible curcumstances and that is my dillemma. Thank you all for the replies.

Dom.

I am more committed than ever, yet I know that it will take medical help. I quit school to be with her, since there is such limited time. School can wait.

recoverywfaith

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Seems you are weighing all the pros and cons and checking all your options. I would suggest getting the treatment and OP for yourself and have strong game plan (recovery plan) for when you leave treatment. You can do this...you are worth every bit of it.

Take care in peace,
rwf

InsertNameHere

Hello Dom,

Sorry to hear about your grandma, and am glad that you are still trying. I don't have an opinion on whether or not to take the offer from your grandma I just wanted to say that i am sorry to hear. I was a teenager when mine died, of lung cancer as well I don't rememeber what kind. I regreat my actions somewhat from then as I was going through a little of a rebellious phase. All I would say is make sure that she knows you love her, and try to be there for her if she needs you. Its obviously very much cares about you and wants to make sure that when she is gone that you will be okay. It is up to you on whether or not this woud create undo hardship during her last days. But if you get sober either on your own or through detox I would imagine that she would greatly appreciate it. I agree that it has to be for you or once she is gone you will be in a position to drink again, but can it be for both of you? So that she knows you will be okay and so that you know she will be proud of you? I don't know if that makes any sense so I am going to stop now, I hope you find your answer whatever it may be.

StarrySkies

You don't need your grandmother's money to get sober if you are serious about getting sober. Instead of her giving you a gift for your addiction, why not give her a gift by putting the bottle down and let her see you sober before she passes.

sugarbear1

Are you ready to stay stopped? Are you ready to surrender and do what you need to stay stopped?

fuzzy1

I assume you'll inherent some money anyways. For how long will the money last when you keep drinking? If you're anything like me during my drinking years probably not for long. On the other hand you could put it to some use now and respect the will of your granny.

flutter

I personally would never accept it.. There are lots of ways to get and stay sober when we want it bad enough.

CaiHong

Hi Dom,

I have been following your posts and I remember the biggest problem was for you to stay stopped, you would get bored and restless.

I have never been to rehab but would have loved the luxury of going to one when I first became sober. I got sober without it and am now into 9 months and feeling the benefits of living a sober life.

I can understand you feeling bad about taking the money from your dying grandmother, money that she could use to make her last days more comfortable.
If you are doing this for your grandmother does that means when she sadly passes on you will return to drinking as that "reason " to stop is not here anymore?

Dom be honest with yourself and ask yourself do you really want to stop, this is the crux of the matter. The sad scene being played out with your grandmother is just a distraction to your drinking.
Rereading my post it may sound a bit harsh but seriously this is what I see going on.

I believe a person can get sober without rehab if they are willing and want it enough.

Caihong

laurie6781

You know, while you are deciding whether to accept your grandmother's offer or not, why not contact The Salvation Army. Do their 'intake' and see if they can get you into 'their program.' If your 'willingness' shows through on your intake you will have a good chance. They have an EXCELLENT program with a pretty good success rate and best of all ................................. it is free.

Now that is not to say that some of those that find recovery through their rehab, do not in later years, when back on their feet, contribute monies when and where they can, because many of them do.

However, their initial program is free. So, it won't hurt to 'check it out' and if you are accepted, that would solve your dilemma of accepting or not accepting your grandmother's offer.

J M H O

Love and hugs,