Real healthy LOVE!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Real healthy LOVE!
I copy this, I felt I need to share it, I was so unhealthy with my XAH.
What Love are You Feeling?
The problem is not the INTENSITY of love you felt, it’s the TYPE of love you felt..
You see, there are too distinct versions of ‘love’. These are:
• Healthy, real love, and
• Unhealthy, false love.
You may not wish to accept what I have to say, but if you start being honest with yourself you will see a distinct difference in these two versions of love.
Healthy, real love is: Warm, safe, peaceful, true, supportive and loyal. It creates togetherness, commitment, teamwork and support. It contains integrity, feelings of knowing and being at peace, and easy trust, and it adds solidness and security to your everyday life experience.
Unhealthy, false love is: unstable and dramatic with big highs and lows. It creates separations, misunderstandings, and lack of team-work and support. It contains misinformation, unknown quantities, and feelings of confusions, anxiety and distrust. It creates instability, confusion and pain within your everyday life experience.
What Love are You Feeling?
The problem is not the INTENSITY of love you felt, it’s the TYPE of love you felt..
You see, there are too distinct versions of ‘love’. These are:
• Healthy, real love, and
• Unhealthy, false love.
You may not wish to accept what I have to say, but if you start being honest with yourself you will see a distinct difference in these two versions of love.
Healthy, real love is: Warm, safe, peaceful, true, supportive and loyal. It creates togetherness, commitment, teamwork and support. It contains integrity, feelings of knowing and being at peace, and easy trust, and it adds solidness and security to your everyday life experience.
Unhealthy, false love is: unstable and dramatic with big highs and lows. It creates separations, misunderstandings, and lack of team-work and support. It contains misinformation, unknown quantities, and feelings of confusions, anxiety and distrust. It creates instability, confusion and pain within your everyday life experience.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Part II
Instant RelationshipsThe following is what instant relationships are all about.
They happen quickly, they happen powerfully, and they happen with very little mindfulness…
And the other person may not be anywhere near where you are in their own beliefs and expectations about this being THE Relationship…or they may…
Relationships that start healthily are not ‘pot luck’. Yes ‘love at first sight’ can and does happen for people. And the people it does happen to are usually young, have not had past relationship baggage, and have healthy belief systems, boundaries, and have received solid and empowering parental relationship programming, and are therefore naturally attracted to healthy partner prospects.
These lucky people simply do not have to go through the lessons of evolution and self-healing which people who struggle in relationships are destined to do.
If you do not have this ‘lucky criteria’, stay away from the belief that you are going to ‘hit pay-dirt’ in an instant attraction. You do in fact have more chance of winning first division in lotto.
The fact is, because you have unhealed love programs within yourself going on, you will only instantly attract (and be attracted to) the perfect person to bring you enough pain to make these unhealed parts conscious enough for you to heal… and the chances of him being your life partner are incredibly slim, because that is not his purpose if you chose his as an Instant Relationship.
If you are conscious and healed enough you would not have to go through the healing lesson (pain) of this relationship. And the reason is because you’d apply mindfulness and take your time, see the ‘cracks’ and not get involved regardless of the level of chemical/ physical attraction you feel.
It’s easy to understand (and humbly admit) if we weren’t at a level of healthiness within ourself yet, when we decided to go for and stay in this relationship.
If we are really honest with ourselves, we can admit there were things that weren’t right that showed up early. Early on in the ‘loved up stage’ together, he was arrogant to a waitress, or he stated how angry he was that ex-wife played up on him, or you saw him oogling a woman in the restaurant when you walked back from the toilet…
Yet you ignore the signs because the decision He Is The One was already made.
We wanted to believe that finally The One that we have been waiting for all of our life has come into our world, so we live the illusion, despite any warning signs, or lack of information about this person’s character, past , or values and choices in life, and we steam ahead at full throttle towards the inevitable disaster coming up in the future.
As time progressed things worsen. The relationship suffers problems. All of a sudden, the connection feels missing, he doesn’t seem as attentive, or in love, or he starts being harsh, critical or even abusive. The dream is now under stress, and is not shaping up the way you believed it was meant to be.
The fear of losing The One Who Has Finally Arrived To Make My Life Complete and The Dream of My Incredible Life I Am Destined To Have With Him is triggered powerfully. The shattering of the illusion is not an option when we believe there is no other option than, we have to make it work with ‘The One’.
We think , “I’ll probably never meet anyone I love so much again – look how long it took for this man to enter my life…”
Boy those pulls of pain, intense longing and the fear of loss are powerful…
And of course, when we don’t know better, they feel like ‘love’.
Whereas, in truth these are feelings of addiction, co-dependency, obsession, and incredibly unhealthy love that was never formed on a healthy platform or foundation to start with…
If you believe “love conquers all.” look around you at the real life evidence that exists everywhere (as well as your own painful experiences) and ask yourself How on earth can I believe that myth? And: Is me wanting desperately to believe that myth serving me?
Instant RelationshipsThe following is what instant relationships are all about.
They happen quickly, they happen powerfully, and they happen with very little mindfulness…
And the other person may not be anywhere near where you are in their own beliefs and expectations about this being THE Relationship…or they may…
Relationships that start healthily are not ‘pot luck’. Yes ‘love at first sight’ can and does happen for people. And the people it does happen to are usually young, have not had past relationship baggage, and have healthy belief systems, boundaries, and have received solid and empowering parental relationship programming, and are therefore naturally attracted to healthy partner prospects.
These lucky people simply do not have to go through the lessons of evolution and self-healing which people who struggle in relationships are destined to do.
If you do not have this ‘lucky criteria’, stay away from the belief that you are going to ‘hit pay-dirt’ in an instant attraction. You do in fact have more chance of winning first division in lotto.
The fact is, because you have unhealed love programs within yourself going on, you will only instantly attract (and be attracted to) the perfect person to bring you enough pain to make these unhealed parts conscious enough for you to heal… and the chances of him being your life partner are incredibly slim, because that is not his purpose if you chose his as an Instant Relationship.
If you are conscious and healed enough you would not have to go through the healing lesson (pain) of this relationship. And the reason is because you’d apply mindfulness and take your time, see the ‘cracks’ and not get involved regardless of the level of chemical/ physical attraction you feel.
It’s easy to understand (and humbly admit) if we weren’t at a level of healthiness within ourself yet, when we decided to go for and stay in this relationship.
If we are really honest with ourselves, we can admit there were things that weren’t right that showed up early. Early on in the ‘loved up stage’ together, he was arrogant to a waitress, or he stated how angry he was that ex-wife played up on him, or you saw him oogling a woman in the restaurant when you walked back from the toilet…
Yet you ignore the signs because the decision He Is The One was already made.
We wanted to believe that finally The One that we have been waiting for all of our life has come into our world, so we live the illusion, despite any warning signs, or lack of information about this person’s character, past , or values and choices in life, and we steam ahead at full throttle towards the inevitable disaster coming up in the future.
As time progressed things worsen. The relationship suffers problems. All of a sudden, the connection feels missing, he doesn’t seem as attentive, or in love, or he starts being harsh, critical or even abusive. The dream is now under stress, and is not shaping up the way you believed it was meant to be.
The fear of losing The One Who Has Finally Arrived To Make My Life Complete and The Dream of My Incredible Life I Am Destined To Have With Him is triggered powerfully. The shattering of the illusion is not an option when we believe there is no other option than, we have to make it work with ‘The One’.
We think , “I’ll probably never meet anyone I love so much again – look how long it took for this man to enter my life…”
Boy those pulls of pain, intense longing and the fear of loss are powerful…
And of course, when we don’t know better, they feel like ‘love’.
Whereas, in truth these are feelings of addiction, co-dependency, obsession, and incredibly unhealthy love that was never formed on a healthy platform or foundation to start with…
If you believe “love conquers all.” look around you at the real life evidence that exists everywhere (as well as your own painful experiences) and ask yourself How on earth can I believe that myth? And: Is me wanting desperately to believe that myth serving me?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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Originally Posted by ODAT63 
Boy those pulls of pain, intense longing and the fear of loss are powerful…
And of course, when we don’t know better, they feel like ‘love’.
And of course, when we don’t know better, they feel like ‘love’.
Thank you for sharing these, ODAT.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Reading this I realized I am trying to find excuses to control my BF, he is normie and his "normality" is driving me crazy, everytime he does something that I do not like (like NOT sending me an email 1st thing in the morning) I get so frustrated, i think he doesn't really loves me and that maybe I should just end it. If I call and he doesn't answer I get upset and think I should end it. If he is talking with his DD and has not talk to me yet..I think I should end it.
However; when he says..but honey you can also be the first to text me, call me or email me so why don't you? Why do I have to be the only one doing it first...I get a little mad and I THINK what!!!! he is the one that needs to put me as priority in his life after all he wants to marry me!!
He is the nicest, kind, thoughtful, mellow, cute guy I ever met, however I am always feeling like I do Not deserve him and I am trying to find something, any excuse to end the relationship b4 he does!!
Then I think that maybe I need to end it so I can call my XAH who I have no contact for over a year because I deserve someone like him even though I KNOW I can not be happy with a jerk, selfish self center SOB like him.
Boy...AM I SICK or WHAT!!!
However; when he says..but honey you can also be the first to text me, call me or email me so why don't you? Why do I have to be the only one doing it first...I get a little mad and I THINK what!!!! he is the one that needs to put me as priority in his life after all he wants to marry me!!
He is the nicest, kind, thoughtful, mellow, cute guy I ever met, however I am always feeling like I do Not deserve him and I am trying to find something, any excuse to end the relationship b4 he does!!
Then I think that maybe I need to end it so I can call my XAH who I have no contact for over a year because I deserve someone like him even though I KNOW I can not be happy with a jerk, selfish self center SOB like him.
Boy...AM I SICK or WHAT!!!
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