Help, I am suicidal over my ex.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
Help, I am suicidal over my ex.
We took a break 6 weeks ago from a 6 year relationship...I THOUHT he would get better and want me to come back to him and give him another chance to make it right. I loved him with all my heart and soul and wanted nothing more then to be with him, but not if he was gonna drink. We lived together and had a dog...I WAS HAPPY, SO HAPPy with him. But only didnt like when he drank a few times cuz he went to rehab and got sober but slipped up. We went on a break cuz I found out he did coke on new years after 4 years of being sober.
I sent him and email the other day saying how much i missed him and hoped he was good and I still loved him. Then, I got a text last night that not only crushed my soul but made me suicidal...I get this VERY VERY long email from him saying that he will always love me and charished our memores but found somoene else. Someone that dosent judge him or keep records of wrongs and that he loves with all his heart. He told me that! He also told me that he never felt this way about anyone in his whole life and that God put her in his life for a reason and blah blah blah. I wanted to cry, scream, go to his house and knock his teeth out all at the same time. WHY WOULD SOMEONE TEXT someone that?! I was pouring my heart out to him and he had to tell me that...
In that LONG text he not only said he loved her, but how they fell in love and how much they love each others bodies and he dosnt feel like a piece of **** around her. He also said he is marring her and cant wait to spend his life with her and her 4 children. I called his friend to confirm this and he said it was true. I cant stop crying all day and last night.....he even told me that she has problems with her ex and her family but he is willing to face those for true love. WHAT AN AS**OLE! When we were dating he didnt want to do that, he wanted me to aplogize and work on my family for him.
I have never felt more betryed, hurt, suicidal, shocked and EVERY BAD FEELING YOU CAN FEEL in my whole life..
PLEASE HELP ME.
I sent him and email the other day saying how much i missed him and hoped he was good and I still loved him. Then, I got a text last night that not only crushed my soul but made me suicidal...I get this VERY VERY long email from him saying that he will always love me and charished our memores but found somoene else. Someone that dosent judge him or keep records of wrongs and that he loves with all his heart. He told me that! He also told me that he never felt this way about anyone in his whole life and that God put her in his life for a reason and blah blah blah. I wanted to cry, scream, go to his house and knock his teeth out all at the same time. WHY WOULD SOMEONE TEXT someone that?! I was pouring my heart out to him and he had to tell me that...
In that LONG text he not only said he loved her, but how they fell in love and how much they love each others bodies and he dosnt feel like a piece of **** around her. He also said he is marring her and cant wait to spend his life with her and her 4 children. I called his friend to confirm this and he said it was true. I cant stop crying all day and last night.....he even told me that she has problems with her ex and her family but he is willing to face those for true love. WHAT AN AS**OLE! When we were dating he didnt want to do that, he wanted me to aplogize and work on my family for him.
I have never felt more betryed, hurt, suicidal, shocked and EVERY BAD FEELING YOU CAN FEEL in my whole life..
PLEASE HELP ME.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Since we are not really equipped to help with someone who is suicidal try one of these national phone numbers, for your own well being:
1-800-273-8255
or
1-800-784-2433
Either or both numbers can give you local contacts for your area.
Love and hugs,
1-800-273-8255
or
1-800-784-2433
Either or both numbers can give you local contacts for your area.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 8
Hi...please know there is a lot of support for you out there.....I know it is hard to see clearly at this point, but if your love has a drinking/drug problem...it's about him...not you....you love him and care for him - he is just in a (bad) place where he can't open himself to it. An addict wants to be with other addicts or other people who do not care enough to see the coming train wreck. Youi sound like a kind, loving person - don't blame yourself - the world needs people like you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
As hard as it is to hear or believe (I didn't and couldn't for a long time), he was never engaged in the r/s like you. It doesn't mean he didn't love you strongly but he is an addict so his top priority is him and feeding the addict thinking/enabling/behaving. He hasn't found a new love-- he has found someone who he can fool/deceive and who will enable him.
Please call one of the numbers listed above or a friend or keep posting here...
I have felt the depths of depression over what I wanted with my stbxAH and what I lost... But I realized that what really upset me was that I lost the HOPE of what I wanted us to be, not what we were. Somehow that made it a bit easier.
Sending love.
Please call one of the numbers listed above or a friend or keep posting here...
I have felt the depths of depression over what I wanted with my stbxAH and what I lost... But I realized that what really upset me was that I lost the HOPE of what I wanted us to be, not what we were. Somehow that made it a bit easier.
Sending love.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Hugs, justrae. Sounds like a real painful mess you are sitting in. But honey, it is not the end of your world, not worth ending your life over. And 6 weeks? He met someone else and is getting married? Something doesn't make sense.
This too shall pass - I know it hurts like heck and doesn't feel like it - but someday you will look back and realize it was just another chapter in your life that needed to end so a new one can begin. Who knows what next adventure is on your horizon! Go find out!
This too shall pass - I know it hurts like heck and doesn't feel like it - but someday you will look back and realize it was just another chapter in your life that needed to end so a new one can begin. Who knows what next adventure is on your horizon! Go find out!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
I'm so sorry... I'm currently separating from my husband who I was also together with for years (married for less than a year). It is SO hard... I keep praying he will "snap out of it" and show some sort of remorse, but he doesn't seem to care that I'm leaving, emailing me about what furniture to take, etc... I understand the feeling of "what happened to the person who loved me?" ALL that i want is for him to fight for me... but there is no fight there 
I may not be helping much, other than to say I GET IT.. and it is NOT worth ending your life over (trust me, I have been telling myself the same thing). xoxo
I may not be helping much, other than to say I GET IT.. and it is NOT worth ending your life over (trust me, I have been telling myself the same thing). xoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
Thank you all. I am just soooooo exhausted from all the tears. I keep putting him and all our good memories on this high note and can't remember all the bad and how much I love him. He never abused me, talked bad to me, called me names... He was a ver very sweet man with alot of problems. The good outweighed the bad in our relationship but, there was always a part of me that even though I loved him, I didn't want the life of always not trusting he was using. So I thought by scaring him and leaving it would make him change. I never for a mila second thought he would do this!!! I am shocked, hurt, lonely, confussed and feel like my whole life ended cuz we were suppose to spend forever together.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Some folks' "forever" is other folks' "for as long as it works for me".
Take it one day at a time. Be gentle to yourself. Let the emotions come and go. Get lots of sleep and exercise. But don't let this defeat you...it is not worth it.
And know that karma has a way of taking care of things...not future tripping here but I have been around enough to see it in action.
Take good care!
Take it one day at a time. Be gentle to yourself. Let the emotions come and go. Get lots of sleep and exercise. But don't let this defeat you...it is not worth it.
And know that karma has a way of taking care of things...not future tripping here but I have been around enough to see it in action.
Take good care!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Justrae,
I hope you have eaten something good for you today and gotten some sleep. You are a victim of violent emotional assault, and are fragile, and you need to do all you can to take care of your health.
My feeling is that your ABF is a coke addict from way back, not just since New Year's eve. My feeling is that it is crack. Just a feeling.
Read up on crack addicts, Justrae. What they do to people. How they live. Look at the dirty reality of crack addiction and then ask yourself, would a crack addict write me an email meant to DESTROY me? The answer will be yes.
He wrote that email with the precision of a man manufacturing a bomb meant to explode in someone's face. Meant to destroy.
Maybe you were happy in the time you were with him. But today he is not who he was, or who you thought he was, back then.
He is violent and out of control. Emotionally violent and psychologically vicious.
The way to recover from this is to see him not as a normal, nice man who you lost, who found the woman of his dreams, who wants to be a wonderful father to four wonderful children and live happily ever after...
But to see him as someone who just took a hit off a pipe and wanted to hurt somebody (crack makes people violent) and because he hated that you had the strength and the integrity to stand up to him and set a boundary about NO DRUGS in your LIFE,
he decided to aim his gun at you and fire it. The email was the bullet. The bomb. He knew exactly what he was doing, after six years, he knew exactly what words would destroy you.
When you are able to see him for WHAT he is, that is when you will no longer feel suicidal, sick, or out of your mind.
No matter who he was in the past, he has gone to the dark side.
You stay over here in the light.
You will get better. You will find love that does not gut you but instead protects you. You will have a beautiful healthy love and life one day.
Drug addiction can be a dark and dirty place. Stay away from this man. He is violent and crazy.
I hope you have eaten something good for you today and gotten some sleep. You are a victim of violent emotional assault, and are fragile, and you need to do all you can to take care of your health.
My feeling is that your ABF is a coke addict from way back, not just since New Year's eve. My feeling is that it is crack. Just a feeling.
Read up on crack addicts, Justrae. What they do to people. How they live. Look at the dirty reality of crack addiction and then ask yourself, would a crack addict write me an email meant to DESTROY me? The answer will be yes.
He wrote that email with the precision of a man manufacturing a bomb meant to explode in someone's face. Meant to destroy.
Maybe you were happy in the time you were with him. But today he is not who he was, or who you thought he was, back then.
He is violent and out of control. Emotionally violent and psychologically vicious.
The way to recover from this is to see him not as a normal, nice man who you lost, who found the woman of his dreams, who wants to be a wonderful father to four wonderful children and live happily ever after...
But to see him as someone who just took a hit off a pipe and wanted to hurt somebody (crack makes people violent) and because he hated that you had the strength and the integrity to stand up to him and set a boundary about NO DRUGS in your LIFE,
he decided to aim his gun at you and fire it. The email was the bullet. The bomb. He knew exactly what he was doing, after six years, he knew exactly what words would destroy you.
When you are able to see him for WHAT he is, that is when you will no longer feel suicidal, sick, or out of your mind.
No matter who he was in the past, he has gone to the dark side.
You stay over here in the light.
You will get better. You will find love that does not gut you but instead protects you. You will have a beautiful healthy love and life one day.
Drug addiction can be a dark and dirty place. Stay away from this man. He is violent and crazy.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by justrae83 
He also said he is marring her and cant wait to spend his life with her and her 4 children.
Four children.
Probably from four different men.
And, they haven't even been dating for all that long.
Neither one of them is in their right minds, IMHO. Who knows, she could even be manipulating him. She's trying to raise four kids, still has drama with her ex, AND she wants to marry an alcoholic/crack addict?
I think she might be playing your ex and her ex against each other. More will be revealed. You be the better person.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I am so sorry you have to go through this. A lot of us here have been through similar situations, so you are NOT ALONE. I want you to know that we care and will be here for you.
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