i feel like the stress of AA makes me want to drink more
Sober is Better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
i feel like the stress of AA makes me want to drink more
Ok so here it goes.
Im going to the 90 meetings in 90 days program with my sponsor, and i just relapsed on saturday. Busted my face open blah blah blah, most of you know the story. I was laying in bed last night trying to think of why i drank a month into AA, then i looked around my house.
It's filthy, i have no time to clean because of my meetings. I know this sounds idiotic but its true. One of my biggest complaints about my ex g/f was that the house was always filthy while she worked 3 hours a day and i had two jobs. Now i only have 1 job (not due to drinking reasons btw, the other job paid terribly and wasnt worth my time). Now i get up at 6am, i work 8am-5pm everyday, have to leave right from work and go pick up other people to bring them to the meetings at 7pm afterwards my sponsor wants to talk for an hour and then i have to take everyone home. I dont get home until almost 10pm every night and i am a person who has always needed my 8-9 hours of sleep to function so that isnt going to change. I have no time to do anything around the house and it pi$$es me off to be honest. I dont have a desire to drink, i dont wanna go back out. I just want to drop my sponsor and get my house in order because i cant live like this otherwise i WILL relapse, because my dirty house reminds me of my ex.
Im just frustrated with this.
Ill still go to meetings (on my own accord) ill still be on here daily (which helps so much). I'm talking to my sponsor about it tonite so we will see how this goes.
Im going to the 90 meetings in 90 days program with my sponsor, and i just relapsed on saturday. Busted my face open blah blah blah, most of you know the story. I was laying in bed last night trying to think of why i drank a month into AA, then i looked around my house.
It's filthy, i have no time to clean because of my meetings. I know this sounds idiotic but its true. One of my biggest complaints about my ex g/f was that the house was always filthy while she worked 3 hours a day and i had two jobs. Now i only have 1 job (not due to drinking reasons btw, the other job paid terribly and wasnt worth my time). Now i get up at 6am, i work 8am-5pm everyday, have to leave right from work and go pick up other people to bring them to the meetings at 7pm afterwards my sponsor wants to talk for an hour and then i have to take everyone home. I dont get home until almost 10pm every night and i am a person who has always needed my 8-9 hours of sleep to function so that isnt going to change. I have no time to do anything around the house and it pi$$es me off to be honest. I dont have a desire to drink, i dont wanna go back out. I just want to drop my sponsor and get my house in order because i cant live like this otherwise i WILL relapse, because my dirty house reminds me of my ex.
Im just frustrated with this.Ill still go to meetings (on my own accord) ill still be on here daily (which helps so much). I'm talking to my sponsor about it tonite so we will see how this goes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
You seem resentful and that's not good...
Is your sponsor going to drop you if you don't do 90 in 90? A lot of sponsors would, a lot wouldn't. I refused to pick the former.
Do you have to pick up other people 5-7 nights a week? Seems to me that 1-3 nights a week is excellent service. And I'm not an expert but, most sponsors I know wouldn't expect me to stick around every single night to talk. They have lives and jobs, too. In fact, my last sponsor and I only attended one meeting a week together. I was happily on my own for the rest.
I believe balance is important. And I've been where you are right now. It's frustrating! You feel like if you don't do what you're doing, you'll fail because everyone tells you that you will. But you feel like if you do what you're doing, you'll fail because who can keep that up at that pace?
What do you think would happen if you went to meetings 6 days a week? 5 days a week? If you'll drink, keep going to meetings everyday. But if you'll feel better about AA and not resentful, perhaps you can examine your options?
Any chance you could hire a cleaning service?
Is your sponsor going to drop you if you don't do 90 in 90? A lot of sponsors would, a lot wouldn't. I refused to pick the former.
Do you have to pick up other people 5-7 nights a week? Seems to me that 1-3 nights a week is excellent service. And I'm not an expert but, most sponsors I know wouldn't expect me to stick around every single night to talk. They have lives and jobs, too. In fact, my last sponsor and I only attended one meeting a week together. I was happily on my own for the rest.
I believe balance is important. And I've been where you are right now. It's frustrating! You feel like if you don't do what you're doing, you'll fail because everyone tells you that you will. But you feel like if you do what you're doing, you'll fail because who can keep that up at that pace?
What do you think would happen if you went to meetings 6 days a week? 5 days a week? If you'll drink, keep going to meetings everyday. But if you'll feel better about AA and not resentful, perhaps you can examine your options?
Any chance you could hire a cleaning service?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi WSS
I dunno about you but I once fell through a coffee table - that was my bottom, I declared. I cut my nose to pieces I was black and blue with bruises - I could scarcely move or sleep for the pain.
I was going to do whatever it took to stay sober - and for for two weeks I did...I meditated, I saw a counsellor, I exercised....
but I began to resent having to work on my recovery...maybe I was overreacting...look at how much my life had changed in a week....I can;t have been that bad
A week after that I was drinking again & didn't stop again for another 5 years.
I understand you have priorities - and I have no opinion on 90 meetings in 90 days - but don't skimp on proirity #1, WSS.
D
I dunno about you but I once fell through a coffee table - that was my bottom, I declared. I cut my nose to pieces I was black and blue with bruises - I could scarcely move or sleep for the pain.
I was going to do whatever it took to stay sober - and for for two weeks I did...I meditated, I saw a counsellor, I exercised....
but I began to resent having to work on my recovery...maybe I was overreacting...look at how much my life had changed in a week....I can;t have been that bad
A week after that I was drinking again & didn't stop again for another 5 years.
I understand you have priorities - and I have no opinion on 90 meetings in 90 days - but don't skimp on proirity #1, WSS.
D
Sober is Better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
thank you all
no i do not work on saturdays
yes i drive at least 2 people to a meeting 5 nights a week, people who live too far away, have a DUI, have no car, or are hurt and cant drive.
on the weekends my sponsor wants me to attend at least 2 meetings a day
dee: i get what you are saying and im not going back to the bottle
Update: I spoke with my mom, with 14 years sober in AA, on my drive home and told her how i fell (not safe i know, but i have bluetooth in my car, so no occupied hands with a phone lol)
she told me that she is going to come up to my apartment saturday and help me finish setting up my place, so that is awesome. She also told me to tell my sponsor how i feel and that i need to focus on step #1 right now and thats all i can handle at this time. I dont want to get resentful or overloaded with this program. Thank you everyone for your responses and words or encouragement. My focus is to stay sober and that's it right now.
no i do not work on saturdays
yes i drive at least 2 people to a meeting 5 nights a week, people who live too far away, have a DUI, have no car, or are hurt and cant drive.
on the weekends my sponsor wants me to attend at least 2 meetings a day
dee: i get what you are saying and im not going back to the bottle
Update: I spoke with my mom, with 14 years sober in AA, on my drive home and told her how i fell (not safe i know, but i have bluetooth in my car, so no occupied hands with a phone lol)
she told me that she is going to come up to my apartment saturday and help me finish setting up my place, so that is awesome. She also told me to tell my sponsor how i feel and that i need to focus on step #1 right now and thats all i can handle at this time. I dont want to get resentful or overloaded with this program. Thank you everyone for your responses and words or encouragement. My focus is to stay sober and that's it right now.
Sober is Better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
question...trying to follow the LOGIC here, but if you are so busy with work and meetings that you don't have time to CLEAN, how on earth did you find the time to drink??? see i think we can ALWAYS make room for the things we truly WANT to do....and never find enough time for the things we don't.
Sober is Better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
Originally Posted by anvilhead
question...trying to follow the LOGIC here, but if you are so busy with work and meetings that you don't have time to CLEAN, how on earth did you find the time to drink??? see i think we can ALWAYS make room for the things we truly WANT to do....and never find enough time for the things we don't.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Definitely tell your sponsor how you feel. Two a day on the weekends- one a day would be making the 90/90.
Clean your place on Saturday and I hope they are giving you gas money and appreciate the rides!
Clean your place on Saturday and I hope they are giving you gas money and appreciate the rides!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by anvilhead
question...trying to follow the LOGIC here, but if you are so busy with work and meetings that you don't have time to CLEAN, how on earth did you find the time to drink??? see i think we can ALWAYS make room for the things we truly WANT to do....and never find enough time for the things we don't.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
WSS......
So you're saying your sobriety hinges on the cleanliness / neatness of your house? Nah....I don't believe it.
It helps me to reeeeealy be honest and separate needs from wants. I can be so self-centered though, that it seems like my wants ARE my needs. When first working on sobering up.....you NEED to do things that keep you sober and if that means you can't have everything you WANT..... heh.... welcome to the club.
I've had, on more than one occasion, to set aside things I really wanted to do, wanted to get, wanted to see.......because I needed to do something else - and that something else was often something I specifically didn't want to do. LOLOLOL. That's maturity for ya.... something I didn't have too much experience with even at 38 when I got sober.
I'm not necessarily a fan of "90 in 90" but if I read your post correctly......your sponsor is doing it WITH you. That sounds like above and beyond for a sponsor to me and someone willing to go to that length is probably someone I'd consider dropping VERY carefully.
After reading your last post.....sounds like you're getting the apartment deal straightened out anyway so maybe I didn't need to post. It reminds me though, of when I was new to AA. One of the things I NEEDED to do that I reeeeally hated doing was asking for help. I didn't like that I couldn't do everything on my own, for myself, without help. MY sponsor likened that to playing God and......yanno......he was kinda right. I wanted to believe I was the highest power and I could do anything...
Good job on posting and seeking some wisdom.
If you're looking for advice about AA though, I'd highly recommend you post in the 12-Step section. That's where most of the AA-ppl hang out. LOTS and lots and lots of years of experience in that part of the forum.
So you're saying your sobriety hinges on the cleanliness / neatness of your house? Nah....I don't believe it.
It helps me to reeeeealy be honest and separate needs from wants. I can be so self-centered though, that it seems like my wants ARE my needs. When first working on sobering up.....you NEED to do things that keep you sober and if that means you can't have everything you WANT..... heh.... welcome to the club.
I've had, on more than one occasion, to set aside things I really wanted to do, wanted to get, wanted to see.......because I needed to do something else - and that something else was often something I specifically didn't want to do. LOLOLOL. That's maturity for ya.... something I didn't have too much experience with even at 38 when I got sober.
I'm not necessarily a fan of "90 in 90" but if I read your post correctly......your sponsor is doing it WITH you. That sounds like above and beyond for a sponsor to me and someone willing to go to that length is probably someone I'd consider dropping VERY carefully.
After reading your last post.....sounds like you're getting the apartment deal straightened out anyway so maybe I didn't need to post. It reminds me though, of when I was new to AA. One of the things I NEEDED to do that I reeeeally hated doing was asking for help. I didn't like that I couldn't do everything on my own, for myself, without help. MY sponsor likened that to playing God and......yanno......he was kinda right. I wanted to believe I was the highest power and I could do anything...
Good job on posting and seeking some wisdom.
If you're looking for advice about AA though, I'd highly recommend you post in the 12-Step section. That's where most of the AA-ppl hang out. LOTS and lots and lots of years of experience in that part of the forum.
Sober is Better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 153
thank you guys, ya everyone is very appreciative of me helping them out and it makes me feel good too. Thankfully i only need to pick up one person tonite, so it gives me some extra time right now that im using to pick up a bit.
I'm sorry for ranting and thank you for the advice.
I'm sorry for ranting and thank you for the advice.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Sounds to me like your mom has some great advice.
I would say it's quite obvious you didn't drink BECAUSE you're house is messy but the fact is you're overloading yourself. I'm all for meetings everyday but if you're feeling run down and not tending to other things I don't think that's good. It's all about balance.
Talk with you sponsor. Be honest. It will work out just fine.
I would say it's quite obvious you didn't drink BECAUSE you're house is messy but the fact is you're overloading yourself. I'm all for meetings everyday but if you're feeling run down and not tending to other things I don't think that's good. It's all about balance.
Talk with you sponsor. Be honest. It will work out just fine.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I'm in AA and have a sponsor, and we get along fine. I couldn't make it with your sponsor, and if I had a sponsor like that I probably would have quit AA. It sounds like each AA meeting for you is about a 4 hour daily event. I feel there are other aspects of recovery that are important besides going to meetings (like maybe actually reading (and studying) the Big Book). Your current program sounds kinda like boot camp. I would hate to have you build up a big resentment about it, drink again and then quit AA.
This is an issue you should talk to your sponsor about. I know sponsors who give homework assignments and reading assignments, and that's fine if that works, but I think there needs to be communication about that. You need to find someone who is compatible with you.
When I got my sponsor we had the discussion of 90 in 90 and I told him that wasn't realistic for me since I commute to a job where I work about 60 hours a week, and have family responsibilities, etc. He was cool with that. His main goal was to help me work the steps and we developed a plan to do that. Now I work my program daily, but there is much more to it than going to meetings (I hit about 3 per week). I should mention that I'm not a newcomer to AA, I'm more in the maintenance phase of sobriety, so this seems to be a good level for me.
This is an issue you should talk to your sponsor about. I know sponsors who give homework assignments and reading assignments, and that's fine if that works, but I think there needs to be communication about that. You need to find someone who is compatible with you.
When I got my sponsor we had the discussion of 90 in 90 and I told him that wasn't realistic for me since I commute to a job where I work about 60 hours a week, and have family responsibilities, etc. He was cool with that. His main goal was to help me work the steps and we developed a plan to do that. Now I work my program daily, but there is much more to it than going to meetings (I hit about 3 per week). I should mention that I'm not a newcomer to AA, I'm more in the maintenance phase of sobriety, so this seems to be a good level for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
I chip in a little bit. It sounds to me that you are stressed out and this caused you to drink. Now if the stress is caused do to no time for yourself, I would decide if you need this time and arrange accordingly. Obviously a lot of time it is a good thing to keep busy so you cannot drink due to all the stuff you need to be doing (for me one reasonw as sometimes I felt bored with life and there was nothing else to do). However in your case I agree it seems you are on overload and I guess if it would be me I would cut down.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
For me, I knew that balance was important for my well-being, and I couldn't have done what you're doing. One of the reasons I started drinking was because I couldn't say No, and I had way too much going on. I needed to slow down balance my life. I do work on my recovery daily, but I make time for lots of other things too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Self awareness is a gift! Right Anna? 
Be aware of what you are capable of that allows you to continue with AA and your sobriety - you must have balance WSS. It's ok to say no to things that compromise your sobriety....cuz if you don't have your sobriety, nothing else matters.
Sounds like you're on your way with getting that by reaching out
Be aware of what you are capable of that allows you to continue with AA and your sobriety - you must have balance WSS. It's ok to say no to things that compromise your sobriety....cuz if you don't have your sobriety, nothing else matters.
Sounds like you're on your way with getting that by reaching out
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