khardy29

Hey there, my name is Kevin. I am having an extremely hard time to accept my fiance is done with me. I havent spoke to her or seen my son since Christmas dady. The thing that seems to be the hardest, is that she didn't say bye or anything. I know I have screwed up in the past, I screwed up alot. Now that I have found AA I realize everything I did to her and want her to know I am changing and truly sorry. But I can't even contact her because she calls the cops every time to say I am harrasing her. We have a 2 year old together and I really wanna make things work. I don't know what to do I feel so depressed lately.

sugarbear1

You've found AA, this is a positive step. Grab onto a sponsor and share yourself with him. start the steps. Get to some meetings to get to know people and hang out with them, do sober activities with them, share in a general way how your life is and how you are putting the steps into action in life. Get involved. It will get better, give time time. No one can predict the future....

I wish you well on your sober journey,

khardy29

I do have a sponsor and I am working on step 4. I just feel like I screwed up everything and I am one that wants to fix things and when I can't I feel terrible. Thanks for your response.

Lenetrk

Your post really hit home with me. While we're in the grip of our addictions we don't realize the affect it's having on the ones we love. We expect just because we finally accept we have a problem their supposed to be there with open arms. It doesn't work that way. You have to earn her trust again. Just saying it won't get it done. As a Mom who has gone through this, I know it's one of the most heartbreaking parts of the healing process. But the amazing thing is with time you can have an even better relationship. My prayer for you is that you are ready to become the father and husband you want to be and you all deserve. But only you can do that. God Bless and keep posting there's a wealth of support here.

khardy29

Thank you so much. That really made me feel a little better.

Pigtails

Hi Kevin. One of the biggest things I'm learning in AA is that certain things are outside my control. All I can do is control my own actions/reactions to external circumstances. I cannot change them and must accept them and live my life to the best of my ability despite what's going on around me. I know it's hard to do but you just have to focus on yourself instead of your fiance right now. That is the only way you will find lasting happiness and healing. Hopefully your fiance will see the change you made and give you another chance, but, that part of it is outside your control. You can hope for it but you also have to realize you can't do anything about it and must do this for yourself and your child. Speaking of your child, if you haven't already I recommend taking legal steps to make sure you remain in your child's life and that you can see your child. A lawyer will help you or you can do it pro se. Right now all you can worry about is that you are fixing your issues and you are doing all that you can to be a good father to your son. The rest will fall into place, and you are exactly where you should be right now. I know it's hard to believe but just try telling yourself "I'm exactly where I should be right now," and try to find peace within yourself rather from external situations. Good luck to you. Stay sober and stay strong.

headstrong

Heh, at least you can call her. My ex fiance has a restraining order against me. I saw my daughter for the first time since November last week. Things do seem to be getting better for me and I think they will for you too. Just give it time and prove to her that you will and can stay sober. I would also suggest using My Family Wizard for communication about your son if you can get her to agree to it.

Sapling

Welcome Kevin...Been there and done that...Too late to fix anything with the ex-wife for me...But I had a girlfriend I really loved before I got into AA...I butchered that relationship too...All alcohol...She wouldn't talk to me either...I managed to drop a letter off to her at work for my ninth step amends...I took all the blame and it felt good just to do it...Prayed on it too...I'm coming up on nine months in a few weeks...I ran into her at a store...Ended up talking and having lunch with her last week...It was nice...Will it ever be the same?...I doubt it...Who knows?....I do think the best thing you can do is to get some time sober and continue to work through those steps...That's what they are for...Clearing the wreckage of our past...Cleaning our side of the street...Pray on it....Have something to offer....Even if she doesn't want it...Maybe your kid will......You have a lot better chance moving on with life without alcohol...Trust me...Give it some time...But stay busy...Do the next right thing and don't drink for today...It'll get better...One day at a time...Don't beat yourself up...Change your life...

khardy29

Wow. I am getting alot of really good advice here. This is my first day on this site and I feel like people on here really care. I will deffinately stay on this site.

Sapling

It's good to have you...I guess you're not the first one to have blown a relationship because of drinking....You want to hear about a few more?

khardy29

I have blown more than just this one also.

Dee74

Welcome Kevin

Sounds to me like a lot of this situation is beyond your control right now, and I'm sorry - I know that must tough.

I hope you'll keep working on yourself tho - I found most peoples perceptions of me changed when they saw the changes I was making in recovery were genuine and long lasting - maybe it will happen that way for you too?

D

Lily

Thanks for sharing Kevin. I guess as far as she is concerned there is a very real possibility it could be over forever. However, when it comes to your child, you have a responsibility to that little live. If you have any kind of finanical means, help them out. Send a check or money order so you have some receipts, but your motives to help that kid have to be out responsibility, not in hopes to get her back. Keep doing the next right thing, go to AA, get a sponsor, and see how God moves in your life!

khardy29

Thanks lily. I would deffinately send money if I could but I am unemployed right now. But I have a job interview next Monday and testing to get into a school so hopefully things will change.

Ginger823

Work on yourself Kevin once you are right and on the straight and narrow whatever is meant to be will work out. Whether you are back with your fiance or meet someone else thats great. Just focus on you and getting your life on track and everything else will fall into place.