chiyo

I find myself wanting to drink more than I did at the very beginning. Once again insomnia has set in and the constant panic of how and when I'll be able to get a drink. Usually I can calm myself down with a few deep breaths, but in the last couple of days it seems like its harder to do. I hate that this is such a struggle.

Dee74

You've been going through a lot recently Chiyo.
Maybe seeing a Dr about your insomnia would help.

as for recovery, whats your support network like?

D

chiyo

Most of my "friends" don't come around unless its to drink. I have one really good friend that goes to AA meetings, and he's been trying to talk me into it but I'm just not sure (nothing against AA meetings or people that go).

As for seeing the doctor, I think it would be a good idea. I hate the idea of going but I may have to suck it up and go.

Sapling

I was going to ask the same thing Dee...You don't have to do this alone Chiyo...There are people that have stopped that are willing to help you do it...Real nice people...

Sapling

Why Chiyo?...Is it working for your friend? You have friends that come around to drink...And one that wants to help you stop...A good friend....Why would you not listen to that friend?

chiyo

I know the obvious thing to do is to listen and go. I'm just really scared. Now this is the first time that I'm actually admitting to being scared, I hate saying it because its sad that a grown woman would be afraid of silly things like sitting in a room with strangers. It scares the heck out of me though.

Sapling

It scared the heck out me too...And I didn't have a friend to take me....I prayed for strength and courage...Somehow I got it....And those strangers are my family right now...They saved my life.

ShaneW

Chiyo-

I recently passed day 30 myself (38days), and also currently deal with anxiety driven insomnia. I went to my Dr early on (after 50+ hrs no sleep) and was given a sleep aid...which didnt cure anything, but allowed me to get some sleep. My anxiety also had me scared to go to AA...until I realized that just quitting drinking wasnt gonna work by itself. I needed help. I needed help remaining sober. I needed help with the transition from how awful my life had gotten, drinking every day, to a semi-normal exhistence. I needed help learning to live sober.

I was posting here on SR at that time (day 10ish) and was given some sage advice by Jocata, "I have learned that growth comes from getting out of my comfort zone."

With that sentiment in mind & knowing that I needed help, I checked the online AA schedule for a local meeting for BEGINNERS, and just geared my day around going to that meeting. If I stopped to overthink it, my anxiety might crank up, so I just went into robot mode (good positive music helped!). Got directions, got in car & drove.

Im not gonna say it wasnt still nerve wracking actually walking into the meeting...BUT, everyone was super nice and by the end of it, I was without question glad that I went. They welcomed me with open arms & I met several folks that night that I became fast friends with, even found a sponsor. I now have a group of AA buddies that I run with, which is awesome to be with people who share my experience. I go to a meeting every night (by choice, not because of the law) & 2 on Sunday. Shoving down my fears, breaking out of my comfort zone & attending that 1st AA meeting was def one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.

There is no shame in needing help. And these people in AA WANT to help you...sorry for preaching or whatever, but just relaying my true experience from these last 38 days. I hope you find your path, and wish you the very best.