Inca

I don't know what to say right now. I have tried to stay sober, I've tried so many times...been through treatment programs, gone to AA for years. I'm starting to think I'm one of those "incapable of being honest" people as I hear about in the big book. It's just not hitting home with me. I just don't know what it's going to take to make it click because it's been years in and out and not clicking. 30 days in and 30 days out, etc

Please help with any advice you have. I'm desperate to beat this crazy mind of mine!

eJoshua

Try something else; maybe AA isn't the best option for you.

Don't give up hope! I don't believe that any of us are beyond saving, regardless of what the BB says.

I don't know much about the other recovery options there are out there, but undoubtedly someone else who does will come along shortly.

BlueMoon

hang in there and don't give up hope! please keep on trying -
lots + lots of us had to struggle to get even a bit of time - i know I did -
you're not alone - you're not unique

i'm an AA fan but i agree with Josh - maybe another "method" either with or without AA might help?
IDK about the others tho - sorry can't help with any info - just something to think on

i KNOW this is hard - but i promise, it is SO worth it -
and so are you!

"One Day at a Time" has always helped me keep things in perspective . . .


all the best
Blue

Taking5

In AA did you have a sponsor and work the steps?

Also, Rational Recovery, SMART, Lifering - there are non AA options out there you may want to try.

Dee74

I tried for 15 years Inca - the important thing is I never gave up.

If you're interested in looking at other approaches There's many methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

The main thing tho for me was acceptance - I had to accept that drinking didn't work for me anymore, it never would again, and however hard it might be, I needed to leave that toxic relationship behind for good.

D

Terminally Unique

Inca,

I know how despairing it can be to get into the revolving doors of addiction treatment and to be told that you just don't get it. The good news is that there is one organization — Rational Recovery — that specializes in helping the 'constitutionally incapables' who cannot be helped by addiction treatment. They teach a method called AVRT, which is a very good antidote for the hopelessness that you now feel. I sent you some information on it, so check your Private Messages.

You will need to understand that your greatest enemy now is not only addiction, but also those who will attempt to destroy your hope and your confidence that you can indeed recover, in spite of previous unsuccessful treatment attempts. You will have to ignore all of the naysayers, Inca. On that note, please know that I have perfect confidence in your ability to beat this thing once and for all.

Hevyn

I tried for many years, too Inca - but I finally have over 4 yrs. sober. I had to give up the idea that I could ever drink socially, or that I could use willpower to control the amounts I drank. You can definitely do this - please don't give up.

fuzzy1

HOW?
Honest, openminded, and willing. That's all you need to begin with. I remember, I told my sponsor early on that I am as honest as I can stand to be. The level of honesty improved over time.

I don't know, I never heard it "click". It was more like putting in lots of footwork and getting results from actually DOING the program as outlined in the BB.

Pigtails

Don't give up Inca. Keep trying. You are an inspiration to me because you are determined to succeed... keep going.

sugarbear1

I stopped fighting.

I surrendered and then was I able to grasp on to the AA program with a sponsor who is knowledgeable and spiritual.

Maybe AVRT can help you? Put as much effort into staying stopped as you did with drinking....

You can stay stopped!

langkah

I sponsor an old guy who drank and attended AA for 13 years in different locales. His problem was he was an awful liar. He stopped lying, took our steps and hasn't drank for 14 years after coming in at age 65. Different man today.

How many people do you call and speak with before you drink? I ask because that's the minimal level of willingness in AA. If you don't do that then any talk of doing more to get more is moot.

In past posts you've mentioned what I'd call a lax attitude about your sobriety. Work's more important, you'd like to do the steps your way, rather do therapy, getting complacent...

You sound to me like a guy who doesn't understand what he's up against, and therefore doesn't believe it's going to take much to get over it. A half-measures guy not liking the usual results of that level of commitment and effort.

By all means check other paths that promise a quick fix with a bit of light reading.

Hope it works for you.

silly

I'll echo a lot of responses out there... keep trying! Life is hard and life with addiction is harder. I know what you mean about it "not clicking". I've never felt that. All I know is that giving up would mean letting alcohol kill me.
I've heard a lot of good things about AVRT. Maybe try that? It's definitely a different approach than AA and the 12 steps.
We all share something special here on SR. We have faith in each other. We have faith in you!

RobbyRobot

Hi Inca,

Yeah, quitting is a tough thing to do when we discover we can't stay quit for whatever reason. I tried many times too. For years I tried, on my own, to quit. I use to think I too was incapable of being honest -- I was wrong.

You are questioning the veracity of your sense of honesty and that takes a good measure of honesty to even go there -- so dont worry -- you're capable of being honest enough to quit alcohol.

I can say from my own experience with failing at quitting alcohol my failures always had a common agenda: i didnt change what was needed to change to stay quit. I fought against wholesale change and left myself with nothing to work with to help keep me quit.

Finally i surrendered to being defeated. I could not be the old me and not drink. I had to surrender and become a different guy going forward. When I finally agreed that a new me with a new life was the ticket outta my drinking I jumped onto that way out and it worked wonders and here I am.

Its not important which way or method you choose to be a someone who has forever quit alcohol. Many ways forward exist, as you know. They all work. What is important is you surrender to a total transition from the old drinking you into a non-drinking you.

You can do this, Inca. You can quit and be happy too.

macknacat

When i parked my bike on the side of the road and cried : "God help me i can't keep doing this" I was, in essence, doing the first 3 steps .

Langkah may be handing out some tough love [but only listening to what I WANTED to hear was just one more symptom of my insanity] but the essence is still this: - the admission that i am powerless and , as a consequence, my life is unmanageable, was the absolute crux for me. Coming to grips with my insanities - whether the overt craziness of riding hard with a belly and a head full of chemicals or the subtle weirdness of running a future conversation thru my head- I had to BELIEVE the reality of my insanity.[not just set down some rational list]

and then I had to believe there was a transpersonal power capable of relieving my self induced insanity....

and then the faith- even if it was "merely" seeing all those folk who had done what i had been unable to do.... it was still: "god help me"

i often say that the "big" surrender then ,meant that i need only do "small" surrenders now- which I 've been doing daily for 16 yrs so far...

Db1105

I have a friend who has been in and out for over 30 years. Don't quit quiting. All everyone has is today. Try one of the other programs, but whatever you do, don't give up.

2granddaughters

Inca, this is where like others above, I got down on my knees and "surrendered".

No more fighting, no more half-measures. I had to do, to the best of my ability, read and grasp "How It Works" with all my might.

Get a sponsor with long, good sobriety and "do what they did". Your life is unmanageable .... you need a new manager.

Remember that old movie "God is my co-pilot" ? If you find yourself in that position... you are in the wrong seat.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Anna

I hope that you don't give up and that you continue to work on recovery. Do whatever you need to do, but know that you can do this and live a sober life.

bochuck

I have learned from others that A.A is not for them. Try reading Allen Carrs book...The easy way to stop drinking. It is a Totally different approach. If you read it please tell us what u think

freshstart57

I don't feel that you are defeated, there is lots of fight left in you. Your post is evidence of that.

When my turn came, I stopped fighting the bottle and I just put it away. Gone. Done. I decided I no longer had to do this anymore, that I deserved so much more out of life, and that drinking was something I used to do.

Then, I did everything in my power to make sure that happened. I read like crazy, tried everything until I found something that worked, but I never took another drink. Another way of looking at this is that I was never going to take another drink, that was a fact, the only question was what could I do to make it as easy as possible for me to do that.

Lots of folks get sober a lot of different ways. I hope you can find one that is right for you.

FlyerFan

My mind has been driving me crazy as well. But I have learned that if you try really really hard and do your best to be willing to work the 12 steps, you will see some improvement. But you have to really really want it. It wont' just fall out of the sky like I used to think.