soberred

Here I go again. Day 4 and the withdraws are horrible. Not as bad as the last time. It comes in waves. I feel as though I have vertigo. The last two nights I woke up at 2am screaming " Please Jesus don't let me die". Horrible night terrors. Room was spinning and heart was pounding. I had to go lay on the couch with the tv on because I couldn't handle the dark. Terrible to be afraid of the dark at my age. I think the terrors have a lot to do with guilt. I was doing so well. I never told you guys the truth on why I picked up after 6 months. It was New Years Eve. BF and I went out. He asked me if I thought I could handle having a couple of drinks. New Years is a once a year thing. Although I knew in my heart I couldn't, I wanted him to believe I had control. So we drank and had a great time. I was ok until we went out again 2 weeks later. Next thing I knew, I has hiding the vodka. He is so angry at me. He hasn't spoken to me in a week. I called off work 2 days in a row. I haven't called off in 7 months. That was when I told myself that I am about to lose my job again if I don't quit right now. I love my job. So I am back with an even stronger conviction. I believe the worst is over. I haven't forgotten how wonderful sober feels. I want that back. I am going to be ok.

Sapling

I agree...It's good to see you back...Time for something different...It all about change..

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA?

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Welcome Back! big hugs

You've been missed so much. Today, my day is so much brighter, Thank You!!

Love,

instant

Do you think he can handle you drinking?
Do you think he can handle you not drinking?

I hope you can find a way forward in this. it might help to reflect on that period of 6 months when you did not drink. It shows you can do it.

instant

double post

Dee74

I'm glad you're back soberred

Don't hesitate to see a Dr if things are tough, ok?

D

sissy07

Hi soberred,

I wondered where you were! I am glad you are back, I am not glad you are having such a hard time. I am sorry. I hope the withdrawals are almost over.

Please keep us updated. Positive energy is being sent your way! Take care.

Anna

Welcome back, Soberred!

I'm glad you're back on track.

least

It took me a while to 'get it' but I did, eventually, and now am coming up on 27 months sober. You can do it too.

jobei

I can relate to a lot of what you have written... I just past 96 hours and I'm still a mess. I detox'ed at home and it was definately the worst the first two nights but the headaches/blurred vision/shakes are still awfully intense. Even worse than that my mind is starting to run as it's not simply dealing with pain like it was the last few days. I would advise getting to a live meeting as soon as you possibly can... even if it's just to sit in the back with your mouth closed. I say this because that's what I did and it helped a lot even though it was very hard to do. I am going to a meeting tomorrow morning that I used to go to years ago and I'm really scared to do it... I feel like I let them all down by living dirty the last 3 years. I HAVE to do it though... for my survival... if people judge me well good luck to them -- but I will survive!!! I hope you feel better soon keep chugging that water!!!!

jocata

I've been where you are at. Wanted to "handle" a couple of drinks. For a short time maybe I could. In the end I couldn't. I quickly ran out of places to hide the bottles.

The notions that we can drink like normal drinkers has to be smashed.

God bless.

soberred

I hope you are feeling better. I slept 9 hours last night and still wanted to sleep more. The waves of vertigo have become less frequent. I drink a lot of water, take vitamins and have actually been eating. If you go to a meeting and they judge you, it's time for a new meeting. Hang in there. We will survive.