Aaron0731

I'm 29 and have social phobia(S/A). I've had it since high school. I'm no genius at writing so hopefully you don't take me as a college educate. I've drank since I was 14 years old and honestly have loved most of it. I've had good friends and ****** a lot of drunk women. mostly because i was drunk. You see alchohol helps me be sociable. I love it for that. Frankly I would give anything just to feel "normal." Alchohol helps me infact MAKES me feel normal. I don't feel the social anxiety, I don't feel the tension, I don't feel the eyes watching, I don't feel anything but the beautiful girl with me that I would've NEVER had if it wasn't for the drink. This is my story and I'm sorry if it offends anyone. There is more to it if you're interested.

sugarbear1

I understand completely about that social phobia! You aren't alone.

What worked for me was working through all of the 12 steps of the AA program. I understood my part and that my shyness and social phobia was extreme self-centeredness. My sponsor is amazing and my life is now okay. I don't drink now, no anxiety, only rational fears (I don't stand in the middle of a road), I don't panic, it was wild what I learned about my patterns of behavior that stopped me from feeling okay in my own skin. I'm 50. I wish I knew this many moons ago!

Peace,

FreddyBear

Hi Aaron,

Thank you for posting this. You are absolutely not alone. I'm your age (30) and know what are you talking about. Booze makes me feel happy for a little while, everyone seem so friendly, girls are nice and they don't turn me away immediately.

On the other hand, when I'm sober, I know I'm a 30 years old male, fat, social phobic and therefore single for life, never had a gf, working at home, depressed.

No question about which option to go - my beer will help me. One thing that I can't stand with is horrible withdrawals when I'm absolutely crashed mentally. That's the main reason I've decided to change something and am here. So I'm also lost as you are at the moment. I'm also having troubles putting words together, but nobody seem to judge us
for that Share your story with us, it will be relieving for you and helpful for all of us here.

Sapling

Welcome Aaron...Let's see...You've had social phobia(S/A) since highschool...You started drinking when you were 14...You see any connection with that?...My guess is...If you took alcohol out of your life...You'd probably be a lot more outgoing and could still get some nice chicks....So...If you were going to get alcohol out of your life...What would you be willing to do...To acheive that?

Dee74

Welcome Aaron

I started drugging at later drinking at an early age too so it's no wonder I assumed that the real me was the rock n roll party guy. To me being drunk or high was normal- it was the only time I felt comfortable in my own skin.

One of the best gifts of stopping drinking for me was finding out who I really am, and finding out that drinking didn't do as much for me as I thought it did...anything good I achieved was my success not alcohol's.

I love that I've had the opportunity to grow comfortable with the sober me

Give yourself some credit too Aaron - noone would stay with you if they didn't see something real in you

D

newleaves2012

that alcohol is definitely gonna take down the s/a a few notches. thing is though, it is never gonna cross over into real life. you're never gonna be able in the long run to go out and function like that. you've eased the s/a but now you're drunk. trading one ailment for another.

Elphaba

Sugarbear1 can you expand on "I understood my part and that my shyness and social phobia was extreme self-centerednes". This is a perspective I don't think I've encountered, but I find intriguing.

Elphaba

Also Aaron0731, who told you you would never have the beautiful girl if it weren't for the drink? You need to dispel that myth.

sugarbear1

I've been told by others with many more days than I in sobriety, that I am being "absurd" and that this isn't true. My sponsor and the previous sponsor are extremely intelligent people, schooled way beyond what I have (which is college plus 30+ graduate credits, no specific master's degree---yeah, I'm an alcoholic! )

I learned these by working the 4th step with my guide or sponsor (spiritual adviser) who showed me how to write my resentments then to write why I had these. My initial response was, "I don't have resentments" to which it was explained that it is anything that was bothering me.

Okay, work. I did find people and situations to write about, then I followed the big book directions. In talking about these to my sponsor in my 5th step, the discussion led to how my behavior was, not just that someone had done something to me. I was a willing participant.

I wrote my fears, I talked. One thing that bothered me all of my life was not feeling worthy, feeling less than, generally low self-esteem. I explained how I was "so shy" and this is where I was told that shyness is being concerned with self. The big book of AA says (source for a fast bb word or phrase: AA Alcoholics Big Book Search ) on page 62 "Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt." Take a look at that whole entire page. Does it hit a nerve in you, too?

I was so consumed with feeling less than anyone I was with, including my family members, I wasn't able to be present...I can't recreate the conversation, but it was a moment of clarity. It was through learning that my sponsor also felt similarly, that others went through this, I didn't feel alone. I AM worthy. I learned I am a flawed human being, but seriously, who isn't? Aren't we all self conscious at some point (or at least many of us?)?

I am okay with being a flawed human being because we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I am not perfect, I am not a deity. I am me. take me or leave me, I'm okay within my own skin. Of course, at only 9 and three quarters of a year sober, I have not come even close to nirvana! There is progress from a year ago, sitting alone in my apartment after work, not doing anything but drinking and thinking...not living....and passing out!

Get a real dictionary and look up the word "shyness" and see what it means. Seriously, the world is NOT looking at me the way I thought. How self-centered is that????!!!!

Does this help?

Peace,

Elphaba

Hey thank you for your reply Sugarbear1. That makes total sense, it never occurred to me that shyness prevented me from being completely in the present with other people, and that in its self is self centered. For me, even the realization that I thought I was worthless was enlightening. In my rational mind I don't even think an insect that crawls on the ground is worthless so why I would think that about myself seemed absurd. Again, thanks.