michael2

Hi all, I have just emerged from another "down". I feel like I have just stepped out of the washing machine, extremely exhausted.
I never know where they come from as it is like being hit in the face with a shovel. Since I started going to ACA meetings, my reaction has been to panic and get rid of the feelings however possible. My escape of choice is smoking, does the trick but it is a bitch as I gave up for 10years.
Prior to ACA, I assumed they were normal, however as I have been getting older, the periods have been darker and more intense. Then they lift withiut warning until next time. Does anybody else have this and how do you deal with it???
Many thanks, Michael

DesertEyes

Hello Michael2

Sounds like something I have heard many times in meetings. Unfortunately, nobody can diagnose you over the internet. However, there are some simple steps you can follow to find out what it may be.

- Start with a regular doctor. Get some bloodwork done. It would be quite helpful if you can manage to get the blood work done during one of those "down" periods.

- Next go see an endocrinologist. There's a whole range of common diseases that show those symptoms, everything from diabetes to lyme disesase.

- While you are doing the above find a good therapist. Reason being that common diseases with those symptoms tend to mess with your emotions as well. In some cases (such as neurological diseases) your emotions can influence you body chemistry and set off a "flare up". This I know, it happens to me.

Once you get all that done you will know if you have a medical condition that can be treated. If not they you may have some "debris" left over from your childhood that is causing those "down" times, and that can also be treated. What is important is to get a correct diagnosis, otherwise you may actually make yourself worse.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Plath

Hi, michael2.

I agree with what Mike said, and I've also experienced feelings very similar to what you're describing.

I look at it as a sort of "backlash effect" from digging through all of those bad feelings, having some realizations, and then having to actually feel those feelings instead of trying to cover them up with more chaos to focus on.

I've also noticed that, with each bit of progress, there tends to be a certain heightened level of depression or hostility that I feel in general...I assume that's because I'm actually trying to process the feelings instead of cover them up. It does tend to have a sort of backlash effect, and I often feel that "emotional roller coaster" feeling.
Or maybe I'm just more aware of how I'm feeling now.

I'm still experiencing that roller coaster, as I try to sort through everything and process it...my guess is that it will take years for things to mellow out in my brain, now that I've started this process.

But I do agree with Mike, that seeing a therapist or doctor is a good idea if you haven't already done so.

But, barring any medical related issues, I would say that experiencing emotional reactions or feelings, sometimes seemingly out of the blue, is probably normal for people who have been through traumatic experiences, and that they might get worse when we try to dig through all of the rubble.

Personally, I have to take medication for my anxiety right now. I don't know how you feel about taking medications to help you through the tough times (it can be a touchy subject for people, so I apologize if that's an idea that doesn't sit well with you), but it has helped me.

And yes, I also use smoking as a coping mechanism. I quit for a couple of years, but started up again a number of months ago.

Personally, I've realized that I am the type of person who internalizes my anger; when I feel angry I do things to myself that are destructive.
So nowadays, that manifests itself with smoking, too much coffee, and not eating properly.

So anyway, I can relate a bit to what you've shared; all I really have to offer people in my early ACA recovery are my own experiences, as I'm still trying to find the solutions and be able to really use them in my life.

But, I hope that my share might be helpful to you in some way.
I hope you will keep us posted and let us know how you're doing.

gplmdyw

I identify strongly with both of you. In fact, I am going to post a thread now with somtehing like this in it.