dirk41

Won't bore anyone with alkie stories, but I've been trying to get sober this year. I've actually spent about half the year sober, but after 15 days I cave. I am doing this on my own, and I've already separated myself from the bar scene, what more can I do to get past 15? AA is not for me.

eh1988

Welcome Dirks, tell us a little more about yourself, everyone here is willing to hear your story, we can help you out more if we know a little more about you.

dirk41

Um, for the purposes of here, about to get married, got a good job, but have slowly become addicted to alcohol over the last 10 years, and it's a problem now. Have a history in my family. My family, friends and fiancée have no idea of my problem.

eh1988

Well you definitely have a lot to live for. And it sounds like you took the right step by separating yourself from the bar scene. Have you thought about coming clean to your fiancé and close family/friends?

dirk41

I don't feel comfortable with that. Apart from the hard conversations, I think my friends and family, especially, would resent my fiancée as an enabler.

Dee74

Hi Dirk

Joining SR is certainly a step in the right direction. It's helped me stay sober.

I needed to make changes too tho - some changes in friends, in the things I did socially, the places I hung out and - sometimes - in my idea of fun.

It can be a big job - that's why supports important, IMO.

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players- including but by no means limited, to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

good to have you with us

D

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

There are several programs available like AVRT, SMART, LifeRing, SOS, I'm sure I've missed one.

Whatever you do, do it with as much enthusiasm as you did for drinking. Habits and ideas can change, they just take time. Read around this site, lots of information. Even in older posts, staying stopped hasn't changed much in many years!

Dazee

Hi Dirk,
Glad to see you here at SR. I have found it very helpful. I've also struggled with lapsing after 2-3 weeks. I usually get overconfident or somehow tell myself it will be different this time, or I'm better. Nonsense of course as I end up on a bender.

I have gone to AA a couple times. I prefer not to but will consider it if I can't make progress. I do find some books are helpful as well as SR. I also see an acupuncturist privately for cravings and fatigue.

Everyone has their own way. You mention on an earlier post that you learned something every time you slipped. It's working for me too, I tend to be stubborn so I learn the hard way.

InParticular

Hi Dirk, just keep trying and being thoughtful about it. Realizing you have a problem is half the battle won already. Eventually the reasons not to drink will outweigh the reasons to and it will stick and click. (Rhyme not intended).

Also I highly recommend that you keep posting and reading on here. I just passed four months after YEARS of trying to quit and owe a LOT to this site and the people on it. It's all about support.

How is your fiancee an enabler?