CanfixONLYme

Good evening everyone...

.... I'm feeling a bit lost and 'disposable' right now...

My AH (we are separated) is in recovery at a gov't run treatment housing and I blocked him and his mum and sister from facebook a few weeks ago because it was getting too much and I was majorly od'ing on my codie behaviours.

Well now he's been texting me via: textme.us and I can't block him (I have an iphone). --- he's saying he's "missing me so much that it hurts." "that after 3 months, I don't understand why we can't even hang out for church?"

I KNOW I should have ignored him... I know that... but I didn't.

I just got angry and said that his texts were not helping me or our situation at all, that in fact until the leaders of his recovery place say it's okay, then I'm NOT going to see him and that telling me all this stuff is NOT HELPING me... but he just keeps going and going and going...

so yeah, now I've been ignoring him... but he just tries to start me going again and wants to "chat" and "keep it casual" and that I'm "harsh" for not responding... yada yada yada

... I'm sitting here shaking... about to go mental here or jump off a bridge. I seriously feel like I'm losing my mind...

Here is someone who is going through 'recovery' but seems to not give a sheit about me... just about himself... HIS feelings... HIS troubles... HIS problems... and me responding means absolutely nothing... like I am nothing.

I know he nor anyone else in this world is worth me harming myself... I'm just in a rough mental spot right now... about to get my period and the pms is really bad (I'm turning 40 this year) so my hormones are all over the place...

Why won't he just leave me alone like I've asked (several times?!). It's ALWAYS when he is lonely and upset --- I should go running... and I end up being the b*tch because I'm not comforting him or just giving him something to hope for...

I won't ever win with him will I?... It will NEVER, EVER be enough. There will always be 'something' I'm lacking or not doing or nagging too much or .... (insert insult here).

I'm so fecking sick of it all...

yeah, I'm throwing a bit of a pity party for me now... --- sigh.

laurie6781

Actually, his ACTIONS show he is NOT in recovery. He is more interested in roping/manipulating/drawing you back in to be his enabler than he is in working on HIS RECOVERY.

First, as soon as one of those txt messages shows up DELETE, do not read. Second, look on his txt message as just another form OF HIS QUACKING. Picture that Big White AFLAC Duck going QUACK QUACK QUACK.

Give yourself a chuckle in the process.

Nope, not as long as he stays in the mode he is in, so IGNORE. QUACK QUACK QUACK

J M H O

Please continue to post and et us know how you are doing as we do care very much. Remember, we are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

anto

Hi am new to this but I hear you am trying to separate at the moment because of crap caused by my hubby over a period of 11 years have come to the realisation that I am his enabler and it can't go on I 'v now his family ringing me they only know his side of our story but not the true one and are asking me to give it 110% all about him again.so believe me I hear u.hope ul be ok am thinking of u.x

CanfixONLYme

Hi Laurie - thank you for your message this morning. I just had a good cry, debriefed with a good friend over the phone and feeling a little stronger seeing what you wrote.

He IS trying to manipulate me and "make" me do what HE wants but I'm not caving in like I used to and it's pissing him off even more. I ignored the rest of his messages and just spoke with my friend instead. It was good to have a healthy distraction.

Honestly, there's been really great and strong days for me and others like tonight I've just wanted to "end" the misery in my head. The LAST thing I want is to be with him and even having any type of communication is a setback. However, I'm happy to say its minor because I am feeling okay again... And I will be ok.

Thanks for reading and listening and caring. It means more than you know. Hugs!

CanfixONLYme

Thank you Anto... I wish you strength and resolve esp. When dealing with the inlaws. I can attest it being a nightmare from my end as they are addicts in some form or another and severe enablers. They seem to want him to stay sick so they don't have to look within at their own selves.

Not my problem (which pisses them off) but Im finally listening to what is healthy for me.

I hope you do too.

tjp613

Every time you hit that "delete" button, just think of it empowering you more and more... taking your own life back bit by bit. I know the PMS can make matters seem soooooo much worse. Glad you are feeling a little better today. Got any good plans for enjoying your day?

outtolunch

Change your phone #. Problem solved.

Impurrfect

(((Can))) - I'm glad you're feeling better. I agree with ((Laurie)) - when I began recovery, I was full of remorse, shame, guilt for what I'd put my family through. I focused more on what I needed to do to stay in recovery, and make amends, but mine were more of the "living" kind. I couldn't undo what I had done, if they were angry and didn't want to talk to me? Fine, I had that coming.

My situation is different, I'm way too old to be living at home, but thanks to my consequences, here I am. I had to go through feeling like a teenager again - "where are you going", "how long will you be gone", etc. for a while. Though I didn't LIKE it, I knew why they didn't trust me.

In time, thanks to my ACTIONS, I regained trust. My last XABF#3? I cut contact when it became really clear that he was never going to be who I wanted him to be, I was done.

BTW, I've often used the Aflac duck visual in my head, and it not only helps, it makes me laugh and that's always a good thing

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Vale

outtolunch pegged it...when I changed my phone #...(maximum empowerment tool)
everything changed.

Why provide your opponent with target coordinates?

KuanYin

OTL and Vale posted exactly what I was thinking, change your cell number. I'm already planning to call my carrier tomorrow and have mine changed so my AS cannot reach me.

FindingJoy

Now I have an iPhone Verizon is my carrier and yes you can block up to 5 numbers from calling and texting. On AT and T you have to pay to block but it's worth it if you have had your # awhile.

Being hard core honest... If you are anywhere near the Codie I am (was) I really wasn't ready to cut off ALL communication. So I kept the text messages open for 6 weeks after leaving him. Just like an addict...and why they don't quit CUZ THEY DONT WANT TO YET even though they know they need to.

So I quit=went cold turkey 2 weeks ago.. Why? Cuz I was ready.

When you are ready to give the gift of no contact to yourself you will.

In the meantime you can always find me here.