feel bad for my husband
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston
Posts: 123
feel bad for my husband
Because I am really trying to turn the health part of my life around and he isn't ready to yet. For the past 5 years since we met we have basically partied.together
We drank together, hung out, smoked cigs and pot. I quit smoking 9 months ago and have no desire to smoke pot. I also started really eating right and exer ising daily. I am on day 7 of not drinking. My husband has definitely cut down on drinking, but is still drinking nearly daily. Tonight he fell asleep on the couch following a 6 pack of strong beer. It makes me sad that I feel like now his drinking buddy is gone. It makes me sad because I don't know how we will be in this relationship if I stay on this track and he stays the same.
We drank together, hung out, smoked cigs and pot. I quit smoking 9 months ago and have no desire to smoke pot. I also started really eating right and exer ising daily. I am on day 7 of not drinking. My husband has definitely cut down on drinking, but is still drinking nearly daily. Tonight he fell asleep on the couch following a 6 pack of strong beer. It makes me sad that I feel like now his drinking buddy is gone. It makes me sad because I don't know how we will be in this relationship if I stay on this track and he stays the same.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 88
SongTx - I am having the exact same concern right now! Hopefully someone who reads your post has had this experience and can share with us their experience!
For me, I'm not concerned that he's lost his drinking buddy as much as I am concerned that he may never feel the need to stop (or at least cut back) on his drinking and smoking.
Good luck to you!
For me, I'm not concerned that he's lost his drinking buddy as much as I am concerned that he may never feel the need to stop (or at least cut back) on his drinking and smoking.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
Hi Songtx,
My husband and I are addicts, met as addicts and have spent our 8 years together as addicts. I've been terrified recently about coming clean to him that I need to stop. Or at least change. I was (and still am) especially scared about the fact that some of the best and most intimate times we have together are when we're drunk or high, and I can't bare to say goodbye to that, or to just tell him I'm ending it (the booze I mean).
But when I finally told him about it on Friday he was amazing. Yes, we've built our relationship around drugs. But we are still at the centre of it, and we're going to figure out a different way to be together. It's kind of exciting actually, like meeting all over again.
What the hell am I trying to say????
Yes, he's lost his drinking buddy. Of course he has, and like you would be if it was the other way around, he's probably gutted.
But he's not some guy you're seeing, he's your husband. He's probably way more scared of losing you.
Go talk to him.
And then come back and talk to me. Day SEVEN?? That's amazing. it's day 1 for me today and I'm scared!
Still xxx
My husband and I are addicts, met as addicts and have spent our 8 years together as addicts. I've been terrified recently about coming clean to him that I need to stop. Or at least change. I was (and still am) especially scared about the fact that some of the best and most intimate times we have together are when we're drunk or high, and I can't bare to say goodbye to that, or to just tell him I'm ending it (the booze I mean).
But when I finally told him about it on Friday he was amazing. Yes, we've built our relationship around drugs. But we are still at the centre of it, and we're going to figure out a different way to be together. It's kind of exciting actually, like meeting all over again.
What the hell am I trying to say????
Yes, he's lost his drinking buddy. Of course he has, and like you would be if it was the other way around, he's probably gutted.
But he's not some guy you're seeing, he's your husband. He's probably way more scared of losing you.
Go talk to him.
And then come back and talk to me. Day SEVEN?? That's amazing. it's day 1 for me today and I'm scared!
Still xxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 205
SS, if you both stop (and stay stopped) your relationship should only improve by leaps and bounds. Affection, sex drive, care..everything will be natural and not drug or alcohol induced which is far from natural lol.
You two sound pretty tight, I bet its amazing after you quit. Go for it!
You two sound pretty tight, I bet its amazing after you quit. Go for it!
In Recovery
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 96
Yes I'm there as well. I quit drinking for the longest time in 20 years but my wife likes to smoke cigs, I do as well but not a major addiction there. We have amazing conversations around cigs, sometimes talk for several hours a night and it brought me back to having beers just to wash down that nasty taste. I still have a drinking buddy, and a smoking buddy, but yeah, I can only imagine what our days would be like going for walks instead of feeding the little demons.
recovering using AVRT
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 294
Song, I understand what you mean. You've changed, he hasn't so there is an element of guilt there. But, you've made positive changes and hopefully he'll feel your energy and see your strength as a beacon for himself. If he doesn't then you'll need to make a tough choice (or he will), which absolutely SUCKS, I know. But no matter what you'll have your clear mind (sobriety!) to make sound judgments and I'm sure everything will work out for the best. 
Congratulations on 8 months!
Congratulations on 8 months!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I am struggling with this as well. We drink together. Not crazy drunk times, but too much to be healthy and my heath has sufferred. I am trying os hard to be healthy, and can never seem to keep from indulging with my hubby on a Sat night or such. I once went almost 4 months sober, but then gradually slipped into the weekend thing. It always escalares to me having some sort of wine most nights. Since being active here in Feb., I have had the most success in several months. But i cannot seem to keep it going for more than 10 days once, then 4-5.
It is very hard to hang and watch a movie together while he has several beers, and not have a few glasses of wine. I try and then cave in after a few hours.
I do not feel bad for him, but for myself, because it is so much harder to stop drinking alone, when he drinks around me regularly.
It is very hard to hang and watch a movie together while he has several beers, and not have a few glasses of wine. I try and then cave in after a few hours.
I do not feel bad for him, but for myself, because it is so much harder to stop drinking alone, when he drinks around me regularly.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan / California
Posts: 113
It takes one person to put the process in motion, and keep it going for themselves, while saving a seat for the other.
It may happen soon, or may take a long time (years) until the other jumps on board.
Many will wait to see if the other has full intentions on staying sober before they take the leap. (Change is a big thing)
Never feel sorry for someone else, and use this as an excuse to drink or drug. Some call this a relapse, but I call it a choice to find an excuse to drink again
It may happen soon, or may take a long time (years) until the other jumps on board.
Many will wait to see if the other has full intentions on staying sober before they take the leap. (Change is a big thing)
Never feel sorry for someone else, and use this as an excuse to drink or drug. Some call this a relapse, but I call it a choice to find an excuse to drink again
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