Hopefull78

Hello hello. I decided to admit I am a alcoholic and quit drinking Feb 1st. I am still doing well but just really feel a lot of iritability and a mixture of emotions today. My husband is leaving town this weekend and I had actually (before I tried to quit drinking) had been PLANNING what I would drink and how I would have my daughter go to my mothers for the night so I could be alone with alcohol. I couldn't wait to drink and not have to hide how much I was consuming from anyone. I would be alone and not put her in danger...just myself.
I was just going to drink and drink alone and eat and be a total slob-kabob. What the h*ll?! And I still would like to!!! but I know I will drink for God-knows how many days to follow. I'm just going to assume that this is still in the back of my mind and that is why I am feeling so anxious the past cupple of days.
I decided to have my daughter stay here with me. And to really punish myself I am letting her have a friend stay over tomorrow night! lol Two ten year olds who want me to give them sugar, polish their nails and braid their hair all night At least I know I will stay sober and busy with the girls here with me. ....Sigh I feel better, something was just bothering me all day, besides the usual strugle, and I couldn't put my finger on it.
Thanks for listening I am sure I will be connected to SR all weekend

tryingtoquitnow

I had those feelings of Irritability last time I tryed to quit, its completly normal and it will fade away with time! Mine almost dissapears after 2 1/2 weeks but everyone is different. Whatever you do once you feel nearly right in your mind and well being again is don't take it for granted and say "Im cured, I'll have a drink since im feeling great" This is what happened to me and as soon as I drank again the cycle started. 1 month is pretty amazing, congrats!

Dee74

Making different choices is where it all starts Hopeful
good for you!

D

Rexfiles

I had six years sobriety when I relapsed in Feb 2004. Fast forward almost two years later, and I entered into sobriety again.

I was not in total, full blown mode, but was just not happy, with a lot of anxiety.

At around three months, I drove down to my friends house in Eastern Tenn. At that time, I was planning to drink a little on the way down.

When I began the trip, 700 hundred miles, I figured I would have one or two at every stop for fuel or a bite to eat, figured there would be no harm, as no one would ever know (of course, except me).

Every time I stopped, I felt the anxiety swell, and then, subside, I knew deep inside the consequences.

I kept on doing this all day until I made it to my buddies late into the night.

While there for the week, and all the way home, I did not have another urge, and did not drink for another 15 months, until I decided I could go it alone again.

Point is, it is real, real, tough at times, but letting the thought pass, and not taking that first drink, is the best decision you could ever make.

Good work.

Rex

ReadyAndAble

Yeah, I had more than my share of grumpy days in the first several weeks. I actually began to worry that I was a natural-born grouch, and that alcohol had been masking it all those years!

But I eventually realized it was just part of the process, learning to get comfortable in my newly sober skin. Now I'm way more chill than I ever was when I was drinking. Probably more than I ever was, period. I guess once you've been through the hell of addiction, and climbed your way back out, it sort of helps put everything into perspective...

"Hopeful" is a great avatar. Because the truth is, you have every reason to be hopeful. Just give it time, and keep having faith in yourself.

ShaneW

Im also at the one month mark (33 days) and also having issues with mood swings and strange urges. I went into a gas station mart to buy a coffee & saw the beer fridge & was just weirded out...because I used to go straight for that fridge. It really-really helps me to either call my sponsor or another AA buddy, or jump right on SR when I get home. Knowing we are not alone and that others have been through the same thing, and come out on other side is comforting.

Everyone keeps telling me that the mood swings will even out, and genuine good sleep will come, in time (Ive had insomnia since sober). btw - If you havent tried a meeting, I would highly suggest it. It has helped me more than I couldve ever imagined. Sounds corny, but its true.

Thx for sharing. Have a good wknd!

Rexfiles

I go a little (re:understatement), extreme.

I won't even go into a 7-11 because they have a beer fridge.

Not necessarily a bad thing, because they are 700% higher than anyone else on staples and such.

The funnier/weirder thing? I never bought beer at 7-11's.

I know it's not the point of the thread, it's just something to share.

Rex

Zencat

Congrats on having 1 month sober. Also good planning to keep sober through times of temptation. 2 10 year old girls, yep you'll be busy

JJB

Need to write this all over my walls!!

HelloKitty8340

Hopeful, I am on day 35, had THREE 11 year old girls here last night asking me to paint their nails. Having kids around keeps me in check especially since I have embarassed my daughter in front of her friends so many times before with my drunk self. My husband usually works about 12 hours a day (at least) so being home alone is something that I have had to deal with in sobriety. Before when I was home alone, I would just drink. Now, I actually have to find stuff to do! Congrats on the month sober and good luck!

Mo S

Congratulations- you are protecting your sobriety! You are a success!

instant

My emotions took a long time to get on an even keel. The trend was one of improvement but I had some major dips, especially when stressed. When drinking I was prone to angry outbursts that were getting worse. When I stopped I had even more problems like that for a while. Then it got better. I came to the conclusion all my emotions had been hitched to the alcohol wagon for so long, theft had lost their ability to function.

Hopefull78

Thanks all for your response and advise...sleepover underway I have been banished from the basement until they want something I am sure I feel pretty good today a little anxious but pretty good. Thanks again!

Impurrfect

(((Hopefull))) - I don't know about you, but I'd abused one thing or another for a couple of decades before I chose recovery. As much as I wanted everything to be "all better NOW" I had to face the fact that I didn't become an addict in one day, one month, it was going to take a while to get used to living with myself.

It does get better, but there are always going to be bad days. We just get better at finding other things to do (like having two 10-year-olds in the basement )

Hugs and prayers,

Amy