Drunk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 16
Drunk
But on so little, it makes me seriously question my liver function, although all tests are normal. I seem to have the constitution of a horse. I only post here, as I am not "new," (but I am b/c we are all new every time)to say that I went to work today, helped many, (my work is in disabilities services)in blizzard conditions, no less, and came home, drew the blinds, after letting dog out to pee(could have walked her) poured myself whiskey, gagged at the smell, and continued to drink it. I am on # 3. I don't even drink whiskey. Why??? My children are safe, (I don't have them on wknds) all should be right with the world, why do I force myself to drink a substance which makes me gag upon smelling it? Because it isn't the substance, dumbass, it's the effect. And apparently, I am really seeking the effect today. No reason to the rhyme, just wanting that ringing in the ears, blotting out all others, feeling. Some people call it "the train." Something is going on with me. I wish you all love and wellness & I know we are all on different routes of this bus. Or train. 
oxoxoxoxo
oxoxoxoxo
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Welcome back 
I can remember drinking stuff that made me gag too - just to escape from myself for a little while.
Maybe thats what you need to focus on - what are you trying to escape from?
I'm betting there's better ways to do whatever you're trying to do, better ways to relax, unwind and decompress chickadee - they may take a little more work to get right, but you don't have to sell yr soul to do it.
There's a lot of support here if you want it
D
I can remember drinking stuff that made me gag too - just to escape from myself for a little while.
Maybe thats what you need to focus on - what are you trying to escape from?
I'm betting there's better ways to do whatever you're trying to do, better ways to relax, unwind and decompress chickadee - they may take a little more work to get right, but you don't have to sell yr soul to do it.
There's a lot of support here if you want it
D
recovering using AVRT
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 294
Originally Posted by chickadee1 
that ringing in the ears
When you're ready to stop what your doing to yourself, SR will be here.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by chickadee1
Why??? My children are safe, (I don't have them on wknds) all should be right with the world, why do I force myself to drink a substance which makes me gag upon smelling it? Because it isn't the substance, dumbass, it's the effect.
Sobriety is the only viable option...a new way of living / an entire personality change to the point where drinking doesn't even come to mind. Many ppl here would be happy to help you along the way too.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 16
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." Yes I think we are all familiar but I thank you for paying attention to my tiny existence. I mean it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Just because your children are not in the same house, doesn't mean they aren't affected by your choices.
And your existence is no small thing. It must loom like the sun and moon combined to those kids.
I'm glad you're posting. Even if you're not ready to put down the bottle, I hope you stick around.
And your existence is no small thing. It must loom like the sun and moon combined to those kids.
I'm glad you're posting. Even if you're not ready to put down the bottle, I hope you stick around.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
