Sharzy

I jsut wanted some thoughts from other members on what I am feeling at the moment.

I was on Day 17 of being sober and I had an awful day and got very upset and ended up drinking in the evening. After 17 days of hardly and sleep and little or no food I actually enjoyed drinking.

I ate like a pig, I slept all night and I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in 17 days. Sounds silly I know. Shouldn't I be full of remorse and regret???

I haven't drunk today and have no plans to. I have been to an AA Meeting tonight.

Just cannot understand why I should feel so bad but I actually don't. I sooooooo needed food and sleep and drinking that one night allowed me too.

I can't understand this.

Sapling

I wouldn't make a habit of it...How was the meeting?

eJoshua

I think it's Dee who often says that the scariest bouts of drinking are not the ones where something bad happens, but rather the ones where nothing bad happens. Those incidents serve to reinforce our misbelief that we have the ability to control our drinking and that we can't live life without drinking. ("I sooooooo needed food and sleep and drinking that one night allowed me too.") -- eventually you will need to face these issues without booze if you plan on getting sober for good.

Rexfiles

Ever hear of progression?

If you have not, you may eventually.

Whatever.....

Rex

Purplecatlover

Spot on Joshua!

artsoul

Well, drinking will temporarily lessen some of the symptoms of withdrawal and PAWS. Of course, it will also set you back.....

It's not good that you didn't eat much for 17 days - maybe talking to a doctor would be a good idea (?)... It just doesn't make sense to treat withdrawal with the same thing you're withdrawing from. Remind yourself why you got sober in the first place and know that it really does better....

Sharzy

Well said Josh, This sticking in my mind.
"Eventually you will need to face these issues without booze"

Artsoul. I did see the doctor on Wednesday and felt totally let down. I know that is just an excuse.

I did think last night that this was it. I had ruined everything. But today when I woke up I didn't feel that. It's like it never happened, If that makes sense.

I think maybe that if I tell myself I can never have another drink it terrifies me, but if I tell myself I can have a drink if I want to, then I can cope. I am sat in bed now, totally sober, not craving.

I think I need to start living 1 hour or even 1 minute at a time as it is far to scary to look too far ahead???

Terminally Unique

Having *NO* plan to drink is not the same as having *A* plan not to drink. What you are actually saying is that you have no interest in drinking at the moment, but plan to drink as soon as the mood strikes you.

Sharzy

Not as the mood strikes me no, That makes it sound so flippant.

Terminally Unique

As for why you aren't feeling 'bad', there is a part of you that LOVES to drink, and you fed it. I bet it's telling you that you got away with it, too, no? Perhaps making you wonder if you could get away with it again?

Terminally Unique

Since you bit...

What exactly IS your plan, then? Are you going to drink again, or are you not?

Sharzy

I need a plan

Sapling

What do you do in the AA meetings?...Stare at the clock?...Why not get a sponsor and work the program of recovery...It might work..

Terminally Unique

Well, yes, that's why I'm concerned.

How do you feel about never drinking again?

Sharzy

Sapling, I have been to only one AA meeting, so far and that was tonight, and no I did not sit there staring at the clock, I listened intentley to the speaker and I listened to the other members in the room.

TU - Scared sh**less

eh1988

I did this the first times I tried to get sober. I used to tell myself, I can have a beer if I need to.....that seemed to help A LOT with my anxiety. That is the main difference between those attempts, and the attempt at sobriety I'm currently in. I realized if I tell myself I can have a drink, I eventually will, whether it be in 2 days or in 2 weeks, I'd eventually hit the bottle again. This time around I decided I need to cut myself completely off, I cannot have a drink, nor do I think it is ok for me to. That has definitely increased my anxiety but I'll deal with it if it means I'll remain sober in the long run. Hope this helps you, good luck to you my friend, I wish you the best.

Terminally Unique

GOOD.

But you do want to stop drinking, don't you?

Sharzy

It does help eh1988. I have to find a way of controlling my anxiety

Dee74

Hi Sharzy

Many times I tried to get sober...it was hard, I felt uncomfortable, or something stressful happened...so I drank and 'felt good' again - no surprise really - I was addicted and I fed that addiction.

If nothing bad happened and I didn't get 'too drunk' then so much the better - like Josh said that would feed into my desire that maybe I could be 'normal'

Of course a month or two months, 6 months, 2 years later...I worked out again what I already knew...I needed to stop drinking.

Early recovery can be rough but I've never regretted sticking with it

The common thread here regarding suggestions - maybe changing your approach and more support - sound good to me
D

Round234

Thats why you don't think of it as never drinking EVER again .......

One day at a time. MUCH easier that way.
One hour at a time if you have to