freedom1955

There is one area in my addiction years
that I have problems forgiving myself.

And that was giving my son to my now ex
sister-n-law.I tried to contact him in my heavy
addiction but they completely closed the doors.
My ex didn't want to raise him only because she
had her own problems to.


But after I was clean, a couple of years. We made
peace and he forgave me and said he understood.

I want to see him sometime this summer but
the guilt that I have inside hurts. I have so
many thoughts and guilt for choosing to get
high over him even though I gave him to my
ex family, I was dead wrong.

I want to see him this summer but
I am afraid what he is going to say.

My wife and I wasn't faithful to each other so
he more likely not my blood son, but I watched
him born and took care of him the first six years
of his life.

I deeply love him and have cried tons of tears
because I gave him away.

sober4metoday

You gave your son to your ex sister in-law because you knew it was the best thing for him. THAT'S GOOD. Your ex sister in law did not allow you to hang around while you were using. THAT'S GOOD. You got clean. THAT'S GOOD. He offered his forgiveness. THAT'S GOOD. You have not forgiven yourself. THAT'S BAD.

Forgive yourself. Hell, if your son was able to it then you're able to do it. You can't go back in time and change anything. It's time to RELEASE YOUR PAST. Wallowing in guilt and grief and self-pitty offers nothing valuable to your son or to the relationship that you two could potentially have. Talk to your son like the strong, confident and solid father he wants and needs you to be. Tell him you would like to see him this summer. Give him time to digest your words, feel your sincerity. If he's not ready, that's ok. You stay strong. He'll come around.

Congratulations on your sobriety! I wish you peace and happiness, always.

ReadyAndAble

I second that.

Don't be afraid. Even if he pushes you away this time, it will be step toward eventual reconciliation. And I have no doubt he wants that; if he does push, it's probably because he's afraid he might lose you again. Time and persistence will show him that is never going to happen.

That pain is the product of your love. He's lucky to have someone who loves him that much. And sooner or later, he'll realize it. Try to put away the past, and keep your focus on the future.

CaiHong

Hi Freedom,

I can't add much more to the suggestions above. But I do understand that guilt that stops you from doing what is suggested. But just try and see what happens, you have nothing to lose. A child can't have enough people in his life that love him, you have a place in his life.

CaiHong

dawnrunner

I'm so very glad you get to see him for some time this summer!! The only thing to do is think forward: build good times together and be the best dad you can be from here on out. The past is not real you know. Only this present moment is ours to use wisely and with love.

Your post gave me some comfort because I was thinking guilty thoughts today, about neglecting my sons from drink. I have some daggers in my heart too, but Thank God they are forgiving young men and we are on a life road together.

I hope you will love yourself for your strengths, and let go of any self-reproach that might inhibit the future.

Best wishes for a wonderful summer to come!