WMaxwell

Hello everyone.

I had joined this site over a month ago because I was desperate for insight into what to expect being married to a RA. After seeing the constant struggle that everyone who loves an addict must face, I made the impossible decision to leave my husband. He was not upset about the decision until after I moved out. Without going into too much detail, I filed a restraining order against him, and the Judge saw fit to extend it for 90 days. Our divorce will be final in 30 days.

I want to thank all of you for the support you offered me through an extremely difficult time in my life. I may stop back by from time to time to see how all of you are doing and to remember the horror of loving an addict. Loving someone who does not love themselves is one of the most difficult experiences anyone will ever face.

The peace I have experienced these past few weeks without him is overwhelming. I forgot how it felt to live a life free of continuous drama!

Impurrfect

(((WMaxwell))) - Great!!! Even though I'm an RA, I've found that living in the same house with an A (my stepmom) and enabler (my dad) was driving me crazy.

Stepmom is out of town, and I totally understand what you say about how we forget what life is like without all the drama. I like it

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

becky1982

So proud of you. Please do stop in and keep us posted on your progress. And please do keep taking care of yourself. Create the life you want, need and deserve! And we'll be here to help you if you stumble along the way. Cheers.

itsanewday2011

Wishing you blessings and continued peace!

WMaxwell

Update:

It's been a few weeks since our seperation and so far I haven't missed him. However, I dream about him, which forces me to wake up thinking about him.

I feel like I sometimes miss worrying about him. How sick is that? What is this I'm feeling? Has anyone experienced this?

Loneywife

I can't completely relate to your situation regarding your divorce, but I do understand the feeling of missing worrying about him.

My AH was in the psych ward for about a week. I had the house to myself, and I did catch myself missing the worry, anxiety and other unhealthy behaviors much more than I missed the drama.

It was hard to turn the focus back on me, because I was so used to the constant
drama going on in his life. I did things for myself that made me relax and be happy to bring my mind back to a healthier place. I took baths, lit candles, went for a haircut, even cleaned a little.

I hope this helps.

outtolunch

You hit the nail on the head. I really do believe we codependents have much in common with addicts and are often as sick if not sicker than the addicts in our lives.

I don't think I had a codependent bone in my body until I learned my daughter was on a steadfast march to the dark side. I quickly made up for lost time and rescuing my daughter became more than a full time job, for me. When I finally quit that job ( the benefits were terrible ) I had no idea what to do with myself and like you, would miss the worrying. Just sitting with it and not acting on it saved me.