Stopdropburn

Hey everyone. Not sure what to put here really, I've read forums on addiction/withdrawl countless times, but never have I posted something of my own. I started taking lortab and codeine sometime occasionally in highschool, which I was given by my mother for back pains due to scoliosis. Once I had my wisdom teeth out and recieved my first script, I gradually started using a few more and a few more as each week progressed. Eventually, after graduating higschool and starting real work, I started making tabs my breakfast, snack, lunch, snack again, and dinner, and anything in between I was sad, mad, having anxiety......I worked in an office that opiate addiction was spreading through like a disease, so they were always easy to obtain. Starting at 5's, then 7's, then 10's, then oxycodone, by that point I was still convinced that anyone using heroin or oxycontin or morphine were the junkies and I was fine because I was using the noob drugs........despite going through all my paychecks, and my savings, and borrowing money to get enough to get by, desparately trying to recycle bottles and sell things just to get by.....*Who says when you crossed the Junkie-Line?*....probably when you show up to work because that's where your dealers are, not because you're concerned about work. Over the course of a year or two as prices started going up I had to start sneaking out to my dealers to keep my ex from finding out, which worked on and off, regardless, never hindering me from making up every excuse in the book to need to go out for a few minutes. When they started getting few and far between, I let my dealer talk me into trying OC's, or nothing.....so started the snorting experiments. Within months I had begun obtaining ANYTHING that could get my buzz....tabs, Oxcod, OC's, morphine sulphate, Roxy's, Subs.......everything, no intention of maintenancing or weening down, just continuing to use harder and harder chems, becoming more and more broke and desparate. It ruined nearly every aspect of my life trying to afford and locate opiates all the time.....I eventually even started stealing my mothers, and when those were gone, I even stole dozens and dozens of tramadol from her and her boyfriend just to keep the bugs out....terrible. Eventually I just couldn't afford all the different choices, so I settled into Suboxone (self-medicating through my dealer), because he had a regular contact....it started with the intent to use for two weeks, then detox for two weeks.....the detox never happened, just kept going back for more and more subs, ....and I continued to do so for the next few years, only switching from subs when they were unavailable, or going into complete desparate junkie mode waiting. So for years I kept hidden to the best of my abilities my addiction and continued to use subs, only using something else when I couldn't get them. I tried to stop a few weeks ago, by Day 3 I was a wreck, and then I managed to get a small handful of Methadone. I read and reread all kinds of posts about the horribly prolonged and unpleasant w/d from Meth, but I took them anyway, only at 5mg in the morning, for roughly 18 days. After that I got another couple subs and took roughly 1-2mg a day for about 8 days, trying to taper it down ever so slightyl each time. This is now Day 5 of no opiates at all, unless you're counting Loperimide, and who does? I'm still very disoriented in thinking and focusing, and in sight. Have hardly slept these 5 nights, which has taken it's toll. The worst part right now for me personally is the sleeping and the chills. The chills have come back with a vengeance today, and leaving me feeling more like Day 2 than I would like. But I'm so done with them. It's too much work chasing these drugs, wasting all my money, losing out on so many things I've become too lazy and lethargic to pursue. I've already lost too much time in my life. I haven't really started taking any vitamins or supplements yet, but I plan to grab some by this weekend. So, that's it I guess*.....never thought I would make it 5 days in, but here I am.....and it's mostly because of the threads on this site that I've continued telling myself "You can do this" "You're almost there" "Look at how much harder these other people's w/d was....", very truly an inspiration to those of us that don't have the family and friends to support the fight, some people have no choice but to do this on our own, and it's because of all of you that I believe I can do it. Thank you so much everyone.

Zencat

Congrats on day five 5 w/o the opioids. I know just how extremely hard that is to do. Just keep putting those clean days together and you will be over all those nasty withdraw symptoms.