smileyblue

So after 25 days of sobriety, I went away with my girlfriend (who does not drink-she is asian and it is just not part of her culture) and two other couples for the weekend.

The first night we spend in an aquarium, which was an amazing, once in a lifetime experience. Sleeping in from of a huge glass window, with sharks, stingrays and fish swimming around.

The next day we went to the most amazing beach to camp for the night. There was a huge wooden deck onto the beach with live music and an amazing vibe. My friend offered me a drink, and without hesitation, and with a little excitement I took it. From there it was peach margaritas (which I never even drank before), beers aplenty and a couple of gin and tonics. It was a fun evening, but just so scary that after 25 days feeling strong and motivated in my sobriety, being on SR at least 2 hours a day, it was so easy to just accept a drink and take a turn for the worst.

Well I know there is no point beating myself up about it...the hangover was enough. But just back to say that although I have been going to AA meetings once or twice a week, I have not yet got a sponsor or started going the steps. I have definitely accepted that I am an alcoholic, and now realize I really need to find a sponsor and start working the steps.

Thanks for reading this long post, I appreciate that, and any responses you might have.

Smiley

eh1988

Everyone has their slip ups, 25 days is something to be proud of. Don't beat yourself up, get back on the wagon and keep going!

eh1988

BTW, sounds like a great weekend, and amazing hotel room!

sober4metoday

You made a bad choice and gave away your self control in the name of fun! And you're right, there's not sense beating yourself up over it. But do you really needed someone to help with that? Your sponsor isn't going to be there, on the beach with you. You could have said no but you chose to say yes. It wasn't addiction or withdrawals or cravings that made you take that first drink. It was you, consciously saying, "Ahhh to hell with it! I'm having a good time! I'm deserve this!". I subscribe to the AVRT recovery process where you and you alone are responsible for your CHOICES. You chose to drink, don't brush it off that it was because you haven't found a sponsor. "Oh well, I drank. Guess I need a sponsor!" kinda sounds like a cop-out. You weren't on a couch suffering from withdrawals, you weren't crawling out of your skin going through detox, you were on a beach having a hoop-la of a great time and you chose to drink. Don't beat yourself up but don't brush it off either.

Congrats on 25 days in any event! You can do it!

augustwest

For me any weekend that included drinking was not amazing in any way, shape, or form. but your positive attitude can serve you well. definitely no sense in beating yourself up but don't minimize it either. if you're like me, any drinking is a very dangerous proposition.

ReadyAndAble

I have to say I think sober4metoday is right. I agree no sense in beating yourself up about it... but you seem pretty lighthearted about the whole thing. I mean, if I spent the weekend at the Taj Mahal, but drank, I'd consider the weekend anything but amazing.

I'm glad you're talking about ratcheting things up, getting serious about AA. You've been a member here for a year and a half. Would hate to see another year or more slip by.

augustwest

i absolutely agree with sober4me's post. once the dt's are over and we put together some days and some knowledge about recovery anytime we drink it our decision alone. that does not make getting a sponsor a cop out though. i personally need a sponsor and personal accountability.

sober4metoday

Sure, absolutely! It was the theme of his comment that I wanted to address, not the actual merit of having (or needing) a sponsor.

augustwest

i understand, i was just sayin'

smileyblue

Thank you for all the honest responses and words of wisdom.
I appreciate you all taking the time to give me feedback.

I do agree that it may sound as if I took it a little lightheartedly that I drank. I am disappointed in myself, and by no means assume that getting a sponsor will sprinkle some magic sober fairy dust. The experience just showed me that I need to be more vigilant and serious about not getting sober, but STAYING sober when all is going well.

It just amazes me how just having one drink in my system puts me on autopilot, it is almost like an out of body experience, seeing myself turn into alco-robot. more more more. I didn't do anything stupid, crazy or dangerous, but felt guilty and upset with myself the next morning, which says it all. That was two nights ago and have not felt like a drink since, but need to keep focussed.

sober4metoday I will definitely have a look into the AVRT method. Thanks for the honest words and it is always good to hear from someone who has found a recovery technique that works for them.

I am so grateful that SR and you guys all exist

sober4metoday

Smileyblue. I get it!! I change as a person - everything! My looks, my personality -heck, even my accent if I want to! That's why I will never drink again.

Dee74

Welcome back smileyblue

It always started with one drink for me too - no matter how noble my intentions, once I had that first drink, all bets were off....

It's a hard lesson to learn - I took a good many years on it - but a vital one I think

D

ToxicTonic

Smiley I think a sponsor could have helped you. You could have called your sponsor at the beach, or better yet your sponsor could have given you some tips about avoiding the drink (like be on guard for the unguarded moment). Or told you not to go if you think you might drink.
I have 13 months sober and I love having a sponsor and being in AA. You don't have to do this alone!

Lily

for me a sponsor always helped cuz I was excited to tell her how I overcame the desire to drink. I also agree w/ the AVRT too. A combo of both is good!