What do I mean it's an experience?
~sb
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
What do I mean it's an experience?
When I write:
The steps, as written, are what we've done, as a result of working the 12 steps , what do I mean?
This is my explanation of my experience. It was not my only experience with the steps and may not even be that spiritual awakening that is spoken of, or is it??
Here is a link to the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous (copy written), written in the 1930's.
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
If you look at the words, everything is written in the past tense. This is a summary of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is what we have done, but not exactly what we need to do.
If we work them with the guidance of a sponsor, we can have an experience. Some call it a Spiritual Awakening, others call it a Spiritual Experience. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes slowly. We are all different.
What I am saying is that once I had been guided through the 12 steps, I had an experience. For me, the first 3 steps were done through a discussion, I wrote some things according to my sponsor's guidance for steps 4 & 8. The rest was more discussion. There are prayers and a power greater than myself, which is personal. Even if I was only willing to believe that the steps will help, that is a power greater than me.
The steps, as written, are what I've done. The experience has stuck with me. Since I was taken through the steps fairly quickly on days 14 & 15 of my sobriety (I was in pain and ready to drink or hurt someone), I have not had one craving to drink, I have lost my anxiety, my social phobias left, and I am not shy anymore.
I had a truly amazing experience. I was guided through the steps 2 more times, more slowly than that first time, both with more understanding of myself.
Today, I have a design for living which incorporates these steps into my daily life, where ever I am and with every situation I am in. It is a life long learning experience for me.
I hope this helps to explain what my experience was. Today, I have 9+ months of sobriety.
Peace,
The steps, as written, are what we've done, as a result of working the 12 steps , what do I mean?
This is my explanation of my experience. It was not my only experience with the steps and may not even be that spiritual awakening that is spoken of, or is it??
Here is a link to the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous (copy written), written in the 1930's.
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
If you look at the words, everything is written in the past tense. This is a summary of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is what we have done, but not exactly what we need to do.
If we work them with the guidance of a sponsor, we can have an experience. Some call it a Spiritual Awakening, others call it a Spiritual Experience. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes slowly. We are all different.
What I am saying is that once I had been guided through the 12 steps, I had an experience. For me, the first 3 steps were done through a discussion, I wrote some things according to my sponsor's guidance for steps 4 & 8. The rest was more discussion. There are prayers and a power greater than myself, which is personal. Even if I was only willing to believe that the steps will help, that is a power greater than me.
The steps, as written, are what I've done. The experience has stuck with me. Since I was taken through the steps fairly quickly on days 14 & 15 of my sobriety (I was in pain and ready to drink or hurt someone), I have not had one craving to drink, I have lost my anxiety, my social phobias left, and I am not shy anymore.
I had a truly amazing experience. I was guided through the steps 2 more times, more slowly than that first time, both with more understanding of myself.
Today, I have a design for living which incorporates these steps into my daily life, where ever I am and with every situation I am in. It is a life long learning experience for me.
I hope this helps to explain what my experience was. Today, I have 9+ months of sobriety.
Peace,
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I love your post, Sugarbear. I am in AA and have just completed Step 3. I've been dreading Step 4 for some time now but am also looking forward to it because even though everyone says it is grueling, it is also sooo freeing and cleansing. I have a wonderful sponsor and she is holding my hand through it all. It is no mystery to me that AA works for people ... I have seen it in my group. I want what they have. So I'm willing to do the work, tough as it may be to get through this next step. I am looking forward to the spiritual awakening and the freedom that it will bring. That's what keeps me going.
Thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for sharing that.
~sb
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
I was introduced to AA in 1986. 25 years later, alcohol wasn't working. My life was not where I wanted it to be. I had done a lot of damage to me and to others. I couldn't get my buzz, it took no pain away.
I didn't pick up a drink for 14 days when I met someone who said she would guide me through the steps. She called it "triage." She had 25+ years of sobriety on that day. Her knowledge of the steps and how to guide another through was invaluable.
I don't know where I would be today if I hadn't been willing to try something different.
I didn't pick up a drink for 14 days when I met someone who said she would guide me through the steps. She called it "triage." She had 25+ years of sobriety on that day. Her knowledge of the steps and how to guide another through was invaluable.
I don't know where I would be today if I hadn't been willing to try something different.
~sb
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
desertsong, the way I was told, was that step 3 was a decision, and I jumped in (plus she was leaving for business in 2 days), so I jumped in immediately, then sat and wrote 4 at once, then 5, 6 & 7. The next day, the rest were discussed. I began 9, but hadn't had much for the first time through.
By the second time, done slower, I was told I would be on step 3 when I committed to a time and date for step 5. I worked step 4 the night before, then 5-7 the next day. More of a "fundamentalist" way of working the steps. I had relapsed off and on for 25 years as all of my other sponsors kept me on a slow pace, the pain led me to drink time and time again.
My newest sponsor is the one who explained how alcohol was my solution to my pain, anxiety, social phobia & shyness (which was also explained as the ultimate in self centeredness! who knew?!! ). For me, the process needed to be quick, the first time through, and I am so grateful today!!
By the second time, done slower, I was told I would be on step 3 when I committed to a time and date for step 5. I worked step 4 the night before, then 5-7 the next day. More of a "fundamentalist" way of working the steps. I had relapsed off and on for 25 years as all of my other sponsors kept me on a slow pace, the pain led me to drink time and time again.
My newest sponsor is the one who explained how alcohol was my solution to my pain, anxiety, social phobia & shyness (which was also explained as the ultimate in self centeredness! who knew?!!
). For me, the process needed to be quick, the first time through, and I am so grateful today!!
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Wow. That sounds like me in a nutshell! I never had a difficult time realizing that there was a higher power (God) to help restore me to sanity .. been a Christian for many years ... but it was step 3 that stumped me because I had to decide to turn my life and my will over to him to heal me. I balked on that because I thought my "problem" was too "big" for him. Weird because I had trusted him in every other area of my life but I didn't think he could get me sober. Lots of mental wrestling on that one. Having conquered that, Step 4 gives me ulcers. lol But I know that it is part of the process and all of the AA's I've met say that while it's the most difficult, once you get through it, there is a sense of freedom and serenity that they have never known before.
Honestly, I still don't know why I drank ... probably because I have two alcoholic parents, because I didn't like myself too much, because I don't deal with stress well, and because I was BORED. I'm sure other stuff will come up as I continue on this journey but at least I'm ON the journey. Been very inspired reading your posts and going to AA every day. It's reassuring and comforting to know that others have been where I am, and to read their stories helps me very, very much. We can't do this alone.
Honestly, I still don't know why I drank ... probably because I have two alcoholic parents, because I didn't like myself too much, because I don't deal with stress well, and because I was BORED. I'm sure other stuff will come up as I continue on this journey but at least I'm ON the journey. Been very inspired reading your posts and going to AA every day. It's reassuring and comforting to know that others have been where I am, and to read their stories helps me very, very much. We can't do this alone.
~sb
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
desertsong wrote: "but it was step 3 that stumped me because I had to decide to turn my life and my will over to him to heal me.'
The word to focus on in step 3 is "care." I have free will....today I am in my higher power's care. Not sure if that helps or not...
The word to focus on in step 3 is "care." I have free will....today I am in my higher power's care. Not sure if that helps or not...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
That's a great post sugarbear..As usual...I know when I first started in AA I had a hard time with the concept of a "spiritual awakening"...I think it was fear I wouldn't do the steps right..Screw it up and not get one. I was so riddled with fear when I got there.....My shadow was becoming a problem. I think part of me felt like I didn't deserve one for the life I had lived as an alcoholic and the wreckage I had left behind. So many fears I needed to deal with.....
When I saw the way Dr. Silkworth desribed it in The Doctor's Opinion...It made more sense to me. This is from the Big Book...first edition...
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
An entire psychic change...This I could get....As I worked through those steps...Somewhere during step 9...I realised I had started thinking differently...Not sure when exactly...It just happened...Not a fash of light...Just gradually I was changing the way I thought. I started caring about people...About myself...Doing the next right thing....Helping some older lady put her groceries in the trunk in the parking lot instead of just walking by....Something I never would have thought of while drinking. Never would have crossed my mind. I started to a get a glimpse of serenity...Being at peace with myself and at peace with God. I call my Higher Power God...But you can call your Higher Power anything you want...And have it be anything you want it to be...Which I think is one of the most amazing things about the program....You can have faith....In whatever you decide you want to have faith in. So this gives me a Power I can pray and meditate too....To look for answers....Too look for directions for how I should live today...When the answers are inside us the whole time...BB pg 55.
Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true.
Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.
We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us.
So...Yes....This has been an experience for me....One like I've never had...Here is a program that makes promises....And keeps them....I've had the obsession for alcohol lifted...That's the miracle of it. And they don't want my money...No down payment to join...They just want me to help somebody else "get it". Where do you find anything like that in this world?....I can't think of a place.
Oh and desertsong...Do you know how you work step 3??.... By working steps 4 through 9. Enjoy your journey...Remain teachable...And help another alcoholic when you can....Or an older lady in the grocery store parking lot.
When I saw the way Dr. Silkworth desribed it in The Doctor's Opinion...It made more sense to me. This is from the Big Book...first edition...
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
An entire psychic change...This I could get....As I worked through those steps...Somewhere during step 9...I realised I had started thinking differently...Not sure when exactly...It just happened...Not a fash of light...Just gradually I was changing the way I thought. I started caring about people...About myself...Doing the next right thing....Helping some older lady put her groceries in the trunk in the parking lot instead of just walking by....Something I never would have thought of while drinking. Never would have crossed my mind. I started to a get a glimpse of serenity...Being at peace with myself and at peace with God. I call my Higher Power God...But you can call your Higher Power anything you want...And have it be anything you want it to be...Which I think is one of the most amazing things about the program....You can have faith....In whatever you decide you want to have faith in. So this gives me a Power I can pray and meditate too....To look for answers....Too look for directions for how I should live today...When the answers are inside us the whole time...BB pg 55.
Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true.
Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.
We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us.
So...Yes....This has been an experience for me....One like I've never had...Here is a program that makes promises....And keeps them....I've had the obsession for alcohol lifted...That's the miracle of it. And they don't want my money...No down payment to join...They just want me to help somebody else "get it". Where do you find anything like that in this world?....I can't think of a place.
Oh and desertsong...Do you know how you work step 3??.... By working steps 4 through 9. Enjoy your journey...Remain teachable...And help another alcoholic when you can....Or an older lady in the grocery store parking lot.
~sb
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Thanks, Sapling! Well said! I suggest a disclaimer at the bottom as AA materials are copyrighted.
As for the steps.....the way I work them with my sponsor's guidance is such that the way they are written is NOT exactly what I did. There is a process.
As for the steps.....the way I work them with my sponsor's guidance is such that the way they are written is NOT exactly what I did. There is a process.
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