saphira

I've been doing pretty well recently, although I've realized that my husband's choice of career is doing damage to my sobriety. I talked about this on here almost a year ago when I joined: my husband is the manager of a liquor store here in town. His life revolves around liquor. He has absolutely no problem with drinking-- he can take it or leave it. His job, however, is all about getting new products, researching products, trying new products...business trips to whiskey distilleries, "courting" salesmen (and they always go to bars, etc.) I realize that this isn't his problem, but I have yet to find a solution for this war of worlds and I'm having a really hard time. We've tried various "boundaries" before, but it doesn't seem to work. A question as simple as "How was your day?" ultimately leads to "Well, we got this new whiskey I'm excited about." or something else involving liquor. He often times will come home with alcohol on his breath from a tasting they've done. As much as he tries to hide it to help me, I can always smell it on him and even after one drink, his eyes get a little glassy, which makes me crave that feeling. I don't know what to do about this situation! It's just two completely different worlds. I am trying to stay as far away from it as I can, while he drags it into our house on a daily basis. It's not his problem, but obviously I have to find some solution to this. Any thoughts?

Dee74

I had friends who worked in hotels, knew people who owned liquor stores (which we have on literally nearly every corner), I had friends who brewed their own beer.

Even without those connections, alcohol is still everywhere.

I couldn't change that - but I could change me.
I wanted to be sober - that trumped everything else.

Sure it was hard - I had to make a lot of changes in my life and make a lot of different choices. It was a lot of work - but I wanted it to turn out.

I'm not sure what you're doing for support but if you feel torn between two worlds maybe you need to strengthen your recovery base Saphira?

D

Sharzy

I long for the day that I can smell booze on someones breath or look at a glass of wine or even talk about drinking without craving it.
Hopefully that will come eventually..
I hope it comes for you too, sounds like a very difficult situation you are in.

eJoshua

I know it sounds terrible, but I think you really might have to focus on changing yourself in this situation. It must be terribly difficult to live with that around you at all times, but I think this is a prime example, albeit an extreme example, of the fact that you cannot control other people's behavior or expect them to change to suit your recovery needs. I don't mean to sound like such a wet blanket, but try to remember that the only person that can endanger your sobriety is you.

I think you'll probably need to focus on extreme measures to make sure that you stay sober. I would sit down and do some serious thinking about why you quit drinking and why you want to stay quit. Personally, I came up with a few tools I can use to keep my head on straight when I'm either around booze or else stuck in my own head.

One of the things that I do frequently is remind myself that if I were to start drinking again I know that I would end up dying from it. I would either drink myself to death over a series of long, painful years or I would end up back in rehab. Niether one of those sounds like terribly fun options when I'm faced with the prospect of a drink. I just have to keep my head on straight that one drink or one night of drinking is never going to happen with me. If I did start drinking again it would be just as bad as before or probably worse.

Anyways, I think you get the idea. Staying sober for me has been all about developing those kinds of tools and being proactive about my sobriety. When I've failed in staying sober in the past it was because I failed to prepare and I didn't take charge of my recovery. Now I just make an effort to cut off those feelings at the root and keep my head in the right spot and I'm good.

Best wishes

Elisabeth888

I have no idea. I just wanted to post to show support.

MrsBrown

thank you for that. i just discussed the fact that i need help with my brother and my foremost thought was damn he's still going to have his glass of wine every night right in front of me.he can control his. i CANT. thats the difference.

Purplecatlover

You have to stay sober for you. My husband drinks 2-3 big bourbons every night. I can tell his personality changes, motor skills slow. I smell it on his breath every night when we cuddle before bed.
I still do not crave it. I hate it. There is nothing enticing about it anymore.
It comes down to how bad do you want to stay sober?
You can come up with all kinds of reasons, I used to. bad day, good day, bored day, everyone else is drinking.
Until I finally said Enough is Enough!!!

Good luck & focus on you & why you quit in the first place. The rest of the world doesn't matter.

saphira

Thanks all. You have some very good points and things to think about. I think the hardest thing is that it's not only being around the alcohol smells... it's hard to be in a marriage where our thought processes are so different. My husband isn't just enjoying his nightly drink or two. He is OBSESSED about products and his life literally is all about booze. That's his job. BUT you all are correct. Whatever the situation, I need to focus on myself and not worry about him or what he's doing. This leads me to the conclusion (as Dee suggested) that I definitely do NOT have enough support right now. I need to do something different if I'm going to succeed I think.
I appreciate the support!

eJoshua

Best wishes in your search for more support. We are always here, of course.