I am a miserable and bitter drunk!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 31
I am a miserable and bitter drunk!
I sit alone in a basement, and do nothing.I have no life.I hate myself, everybody around me, and the entire world.I am just a miserable, lonely, and bitter drunk.
I fail everyone around me.I am on vacation from work this week, and the only thing that I do is drink and smoke.My health is terrible due to my horrible lifestyle, I will probably be dead in about five years or much less.
I have felt alone since childhood, and found the great recreational activity that doesn't need leaving the recliner.My brother passed away last summer from Leukemia, my sister is agoraphobic and never sees us unless we go down to her, she never visited my brother once while he was in the hospital, never went to the Wake or funeral.
MY mother is elderly, I love her but we have a very dysfunctional relationship.
We have been sort of estranged forever.Lots of bitter skeletons in the closet.
Now I am the new surrogate best son, since the old one past away.And we are supposed to be best friends now.
All of the above are excuses, and I have been a drunk for the past 25 years.12 beers a day plus 100 proof liquor for 360 nights a year.No life other than drinking, no relationships, terrible health.I have one friend who takes advantage of me, and no girlfriend ever.Basically, I am 'Frankenstein'....
I have no life, never did, and very little family or friends.The really ironic thing is that I have worked in mental health at a local hospital for twenty+ years, and have less of a life than the patients that I take care of! Dave
I fail everyone around me.I am on vacation from work this week, and the only thing that I do is drink and smoke.My health is terrible due to my horrible lifestyle, I will probably be dead in about five years or much less.
I have felt alone since childhood, and found the great recreational activity that doesn't need leaving the recliner.My brother passed away last summer from Leukemia, my sister is agoraphobic and never sees us unless we go down to her, she never visited my brother once while he was in the hospital, never went to the Wake or funeral.
MY mother is elderly, I love her but we have a very dysfunctional relationship.
We have been sort of estranged forever.Lots of bitter skeletons in the closet.
Now I am the new surrogate best son, since the old one past away.And we are supposed to be best friends now.
All of the above are excuses, and I have been a drunk for the past 25 years.12 beers a day plus 100 proof liquor for 360 nights a year.No life other than drinking, no relationships, terrible health.I have one friend who takes advantage of me, and no girlfriend ever.Basically, I am 'Frankenstein'....
I have no life, never did, and very little family or friends.The really ironic thing is that I have worked in mental health at a local hospital for twenty+ years, and have less of a life than the patients that I take care of! Dave
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Wow, you just described me 14 months ago.
There is a better way to live if you want it. If you are truly as bad off as I was then maybe it will be easier for you to get where I finally am today than others.
I really feel for you, but understand this. If you take the path so many of us two things will happen:
You won't have to drink ever again
You will never be a victim
We're here for you. Read up on the threads posted by those here who have succeeded and see how many of us you can see yourself in.
Good luck.
SPG
There is a better way to live if you want it. If you are truly as bad off as I was then maybe it will be easier for you to get where I finally am today than others.
I really feel for you, but understand this. If you take the path so many of us two things will happen:
You won't have to drink ever again
You will never be a victim
We're here for you. Read up on the threads posted by those here who have succeeded and see how many of us you can see yourself in.
Good luck.
SPG
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome Back Dave
I'm sorry for your losses and I'm sorry to read your life or your outlook sound to be pretty much the same as last time.
The details of your life might stay the same, but I really believe you'd find your outlook would change if you stopped drinking.
I deal with a lot of things in my life too - always have always will - but the difference between me drinking and me sober is astounding.
You have to be prepared to take a leap of faith though - I hope you'll stick around here a while this time - there's a lot of support and ideas
D
I'm sorry for your losses and I'm sorry to read your life or your outlook sound to be pretty much the same as last time.
The details of your life might stay the same, but I really believe you'd find your outlook would change if you stopped drinking.
I deal with a lot of things in my life too - always have always will - but the difference between me drinking and me sober is astounding.
You have to be prepared to take a leap of faith though - I hope you'll stick around here a while this time - there's a lot of support and ideas
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6
Hey man, I recognise that. When I drink I am often the bitter drunk. I think hobbies might be good for this. As you mentioned, it's easy to get hobbies that revolve around not leaving that chair. Myself, I collect records. All I have to do is use the computer, and occasionally go to the mailbox. Oh and going to my favourite bar to discuss music.
I reckon there is so much more to life than this. There must be, I have seen the pictures and heard other people talking about it.
I reckon there is so much more to life than this. There must be, I have seen the pictures and heard other people talking about it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I was a miserable and bitter drunk too..From what I remember of it....You need change Dave....Major change. That's what I needed. So I'll ask you...What have you tried in the past to stop that didn't work....And what are you willing to try today that's different?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Dear Dave,
Your post is almost word for word what I sometimes think my alcoholic husband thinks of himself. I don't know much about the inner workins of my husband's mind, and even less about the inner workings of yours, but I do know this:
You are a child of a higher power, who loves you no matter what, forgives you no matter what, and wants recovery, serenity, and happiness for you.
Wishing you peace and vision for change in your life.
Your post is almost word for word what I sometimes think my alcoholic husband thinks of himself. I don't know much about the inner workins of my husband's mind, and even less about the inner workings of yours, but I do know this:
You are a child of a higher power, who loves you no matter what, forgives you no matter what, and wants recovery, serenity, and happiness for you.
Wishing you peace and vision for change in your life.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
BigDave:
I can really identify with what you are saying about your life. I was there a year ago. I hope, for your sake, that you are sick enough of it to change it. It may take you just getting pissed at what your life has become. That's what it took for me to take action.
You are on the other side of a really thick wall that you can't see through, but we can see you (figuratively). You have to have faith that there is a MUCH better life for you if you break through that wall. I guarantee it.
Prayers for courage, strength and peace for you. Keep posting, and let us help you along, just as others helped us break through that wall.
One more word of advice. As difficult as it may be to admit, with the drinking history you described, I'd recommend including health professionals that you trust to help you along. You may already have an idea of how rough detox can be. But, once its over, you have a whole new world to make for yourself.
I can really identify with what you are saying about your life. I was there a year ago. I hope, for your sake, that you are sick enough of it to change it. It may take you just getting pissed at what your life has become. That's what it took for me to take action.
You are on the other side of a really thick wall that you can't see through, but we can see you (figuratively). You have to have faith that there is a MUCH better life for you if you break through that wall. I guarantee it.
Prayers for courage, strength and peace for you. Keep posting, and let us help you along, just as others helped us break through that wall.
One more word of advice. As difficult as it may be to admit, with the drinking history you described, I'd recommend including health professionals that you trust to help you along. You may already have an idea of how rough detox can be. But, once its over, you have a whole new world to make for yourself.
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