KelleyF

So this will bring applause from many - looks like Im finally going to have my head examined !

Two months out, and I thought I had dealt with the trauma of walking in and finding my Bf after his OD. About a week ago I posted on the forum in relation to that.... how I had been triggered and these emotions just all came rushing at me.

After I posted & thought about it all; I felt a lot better. Thank you to everyone that replied; or even those that just listened.

I also decided to talk to my BF about how I was feeling. I was hesitant to do this because I really didnt want to upset him; not like there is anything he could do about it. But we have this honesty policy, so I opened up to him about it. After that discussion I felt a lot better too; so Im thinking Ive got it all in perspective now and it just needs some time to fade in my memory.

But then last week, after one of his regular sessions with the psychiatrist; BF tells me that he discussed some of this with the Dr. and he has now suggested that maybe it is time that we have a couples session. Ok so yes I see the logic in it; BF is going through a lot of stuff, and some of it has directly affected me, and some of it indirectly affects me.....so I know it is probably a good thing to do. But in all honesty, Im really rather afraid.

BF thinks it is a good idea; as he thinks it might help me. He says maybe I will find it so beneficial that I will want to have my own weekly appointment. (But to some degree this is sweet sarcasm on his part) And then he gives me the hook line, ' and it might help him too ' which he knows I wont ignore.


Honestly, once again I know he is freaking right, so I guess I will go ahead and tell him to set it up.

Was hoping some of you could tell me what to expect?

Im assuming the Dr has boundaries on what we discuss?

Is it normal to feel so anxious?


I have this fear of being hauled off by men in white coats; or possibly Dr, will convince BF that Im no good for him.

And I shared this thought with BF and he had a good laugh over it. He said that would be like bringing in a vial of coke and explaining to the drug that it was better off without him because he was whack. (Im still tossing that comparison around in my mind). Then someone said well, maybe he will convice you that BF is no good for you ! But then they added it would probably take shock therapy for that to occur... (which I think was a joke; although Im sure many of you agree).

KelleyF

I feel so relieved.... no one is jumping on here saying they agree I need professional psychological help.... LOL

Thlayli

I've never felt anxious going to therapy but I don't think the anxiety is particularly abnormal either. My first time seeing one was around 20 years ago so maybe I was more anxious than I remember

I've only seen therapists for my talk therapy. We just...talk. They usually let me take the lead. I discuss things that have happened since I saw them last, what is worrying me, etc. IME the therapists are just good at listening and asking the right questions to help me figure out what I need to do.

I'm biased but I think everyone can find therapy useful.

JustAYak

Therapy is great. I've been in "talk" therapy for over a year (well...it's on hiatus for now due to money issues) now and I still get anxious before I go! Perfectly normal. Good luck! You'll like it I think.

KelleyF

This probably is a stupid question, but how do I know if it's talk therapy vs something else? A different kind of therapy etc . Do you have to specify?

JustAYak

Talk therapy is a pretty general term. Just means you go and talk and they listen. Within talk therapy there is cognitive behavioral therapy, DBT, EFT/EMDR. There's a lot of different stuff out there, i'm sure whoever you're seeing specializes in something but the specification doesn't really matter in your situation I don't think. I bet it'll be just talking and listening and the therapist getting to the root of the issue through questions. It might be intimidating, but I think you'll find it helpful in the long run.

KelleyF

Thank you SpeedyJason

Like that MJ song; I'm learning all the things I never knew, I never knew..

Your words make me feel more positive about it; I'm going to go to the couples session, and then maybe I will consider doing something on my own; doesnt seem like it would be right to use the same Dr as BF; but I don't know about how it all works. I'm just going to try to stay open minded to the whole process.

P.S. Working on perfecting the cupcake recipe before sending one your way;
Poor BF he's my guniea pig. LOL

Heartbroken0608

I put off therapy for far too long because I was nervous. Now Tuesday afternoons (my regular appointment time) are the highlight of my week! I wish I had done it years ago. It's kinda like posting on SR but instead of waiting for responses you have a live person right there responding to you instantly.

You seem like a person who is very open to digging deep and learning about yourself. I'm sure you'll love therapy!

bluebelle

I found therapy to be very helpful. I talk and the therapist asks me questions to think more. I've gone in family therapy with my mom and with other family members. It was mostly about looking at ways to communicate and being on the same page. I'm at the same psych as my rabf just b/c I like her. She is completely professional and so bf and I know our sessions are completely confidential. You may
prefer another counselor. It just depends on how you feel with this one.

KelleyF

Its difficult for me to admit to myself that some type of therapy might be good for me. Mostly I think this is because I feel pretty good about everything in my life right now. *I know that doesn't seem rational considering everything I've been through with BF. Obviously there are some things that I'm still dealing with, but I feel like I'm emotionally healthy. I'm not facing each day in a cloud of sadness, or trying to push down feelings of anger, or disappointment in the BF; in fact we have talked so much that I think we both feel like our relationship has deepened and grown stronger.

I also realize that most of this sense of normalcy is coming from he fact that BF isn't using; and I am allowing myself to believe that he won't ever slip again; but realistically I know he may. *This is why I've tried to keep up with SR and Im now reading my second Melody Beattie book.
I'm trying to learn and become more aware so that I don't fall into damaging behavior again like I did when he had his OD.*

Your right about BF worrying about me; I don't think he really thinks I'm broken and need fixing; but I think he carries the burden of how his actions have affected me. So when I talked to him about my feelings being stirred up; all the emotions and fears that I experienced when I found him on the floor; he has this instinct to make the hurt go away for me. *He had a productive solution; talking to his Dr; especially since he knew I would be reluctant to explore this option myself. I actually think it was kinda sweet.

And from what several people have told me, it's common for his Dr to suggest a couples session at some point. He's been working with the Dr for 2 months now, so he must feel it's an appropriate time.

KelleyF

I think I had a break through regarding the purpose of therapy; talk therapy.

you don't necessarily have to be seeking emotional relief ( as in from pain/suffering); you can also just be seeking clarity on your own thoughts .

Ok so I know it may sound pathetic - but I'm a newbie at all this; so for me it's a big step in my thought process.

Anyway, it came about because of the thread on Forgiveness' - so I just wanted to post it here:

I think that in order to truly be happy, you have to be able to allow yourself to
let emotions in, and then just as freely let them out. There is a sense of freedom; a sense of control when you realize that you may have been a victim of another’s actions; but you are the only one in control of your emotional response and all future interactions with them.

I realized that in the past; I’ve not really had a problem forgiving people; but along with that I usually cut ties with them completely; or distanced myself as much as possible. It seems like my opinion of them changes and I just lose the ability to trust them again; it’s not even that I’m angry; I’m just done. And I really don’t feel bad about cutting them out; which makes me sound sort of heartless.

Hmmm… that is weird … so why did I not feel the need to cut out the BF? It’s because I still trust him. But why do I feel that way? (Now I’m thinking good therapy question)

bluebelle

I think you are right--there is a way of letting feelings come in and then letting them go. One thing that I've read is that you have to feel the feelings in order to get rid of them. You know what I mean? You can't skip mourning for a loss and then just say you are going to let that feeling go. In order to let it go, you have to be willing to feel the feeling and all of it. You can do that in a safe place like a psychiatrists office where you don't have to be worried about what that feeling would do to you. You don't have to be worried that you will somehow be overwhelmed by anger, sadness, or whatever it is.

I have a tendency to err on the side of not feeling. I rarely feel anger. I think that my AM showed so many examples of anger being bad--so, I thought of anger as being a bad emotion. It's something I have to work on. I'm not saying that it's good to go around being angry at the world. It's just almost weird that I rarely feel that emotion at all. Soemtimes, our mind just has to wait until the right time to express an emotion. However, that can get unhealthy if it is expressed at the wrong emotion. It would be like if I was angry at my AM, but instead I yelled at a driver who cut me off.

KelleyF

Hi Bluebelle,

I think when you relase a feeling I think it truly has to be resolved within your heart and your mind; otherwise you are really just supressing it. Lying to yourself.
There is a process involved; it happens quicker for some people than for others... for some it never comes.
So yoru right, I can see where having the safety of a therapist office would be really helpful to work through issues like this.

Thanks for sharing your insight.

Im still a bit nervous about our couples session, but BF has taken it upon himself to put me at ease; by teasing me. (in a fun way; not psycho way -lol)