inpieces314

First, a little history. My last boyfriend cheated on me with his ex while I was pregnant. We were going to give the baby up for adoption but the adoptive family didn't want him because they thought he was going to have cerebral palsy. I left him, and I ended up keeping the baby, and he is fine. That was 5 years ago. I have not seen or spoken to the ex since then, except once when I was tricked into talking to him on the phone, and I totally let him have it.

We all live in a small town, so everyone knows what he did to me. He lives around the corner and has never seen his son, and I do not get child support, because I do not want him to be a part of his life. My son considers my ABF to be his father, and while I do not like it, he has been a part of his life since he was born. I actually met my ABF while I was pregnant with him.

So. Currently, I feel like I am in the same situation, although my ABF swears he is not doing anything with his ex, but I have been in this situation before and I am not going to go through it again, because it absolutely destroyed me, and I honestly do not think I would live through it again.

So my ABF apparently went on some drug binge for the past couple of days, crack, coke, and adderall, and I haven't seen him since last week. He just told me that some dude was trying to hook him up with this girl, and if he wasn't messed up on all these drugs, he would have had sex with her.

What the F!!!!! He complains I am not giving him any sex, it is because A. he is never around because he is too busy getting drunk and/or high, and B. because I am always angry, and call me crazy, but if I am that angry, there is no way you are getting any from me.

So he is going to sit there in MY HOUSE and tell ME that if he was SOBER he would have CHEATED on me like my EX did, KNOWING what it did to me?!?!?!?! FOR REAL! I am so freaking pissed off right now, it's taking me forever to type this because I keep messing up.

Currently he is passed out on my couch after eating MY food because he knows I am pissed, and I told him I don't do this cheating crap. I don't do detachment from that, it's going to be sorry you will never see me again, and if you don't believe me, ask the ex, dude.

And the really ****** up thing is, he KNOWS how it affected me. He KNOWS that I am not, nor will I ever, get over it. And yet he wants to do the same thing.

Yeah, I know, I can make this real simple and kick him out and never see him again, and I know that I am probably better off. But that is not going to help my state of mind at all right now. Really, I am pretty sure I hate him at this point. He's all, "if I stay on the streets I am going to get shot." I said, "you cheat on me, you are going to get shot anyway, so whatever." And he laughed. Sorry, I fail to see the humor, big time.

I am at a total loss here. Really. He is crossing the line in a big way and I seriously want to beat his ass, but he doesn't care, won't be sorry, and I am just going to lose sleep over it. I just don't want to end up with another deadbeat dad in my life that I absolutely hate because of all this cheating ****. Having that much hate takes a lot of energy out of someone, and it would really suck to have twice as much of it.

Dude, I am so freaking angry, I don't even know what to do with myself. I do know for a fact that I have enough **** in my life, I don't need this on top of everything else.

EnglishGarden

Underneath your anger is pain.

And underneath that pain is trauma.

And you need some help. You deserve it.

You need to find some help for yourself so you will be well and your son will have a healthy mom.

Meetings are free.

You deserve to be treated well, but first you have to believe that. Otherwise, you will remain in the cycle of abuse.

Meetings are free. If you find Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, sitting there every week and listening, you will gradually find your soul and your confidence again.

You can google those, with the name of the town you live in. If you don't have a sitter, take your child with some cookies and some toys.

The responsibility for the health and safety of your home and your child lies squarely with you. Not the druggie sleeping on the couch.

You are worthy of love and safety and respect. You will need to find help to believe it. Hope you do.

Willybluedog

So sorry you are hurting, cheaters are just steaming piles of crap that do nothing for you.

You deserve so much better and so does your son.

Please give al-anon a try!

I am rooting for you..

neferkamichael

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Seren

I'm sorry you are hurting! If it were me, I'd be really hurt and angry, too! It seems to me he is trying to blackmail you into doing what he wants!!

After reading on these boards for a few years, it seems to be that drinking is not an excuse for cheating. Some alcoholics never cheat, never become abusive because it's not part of who they are to begin with.

Maybe it's time to make a few decisions about your relationship with this man, but only you can answer that.

nodaybut2day

So...you'd rather have him STAY at your house, eating your food, insulting you whenever he wants to, and remain angry, than kick him out for good and start rebuilding your life?

I'm not sure I understand...

LifeRecovery

It was my husband's affair that finally got me into the doors of Al-anon.

I had been working my own recovery for awhile but this just added to it and it is one of hte best things I have ever done for myself.

I have book suggestions for both alcoholism and affairs. For me my reaction to both was similiar and they were both very, very painful.

Take care of you and your little one.

inpieces314

We had a conversation earlier, and he seems to think he did nothing wrong, and he does not understand why I am angry. I am 99% sure he was drunk.

Then he kept denying it. Saying MY reality is different than REAL reality, and I laughed right in his face and told him HE is the addict, and if he really thinks that he doesn't have a problem and the problem is ME, he is very sorely mistaken.

He said I am going to believe what I want, and there is no way to change that, and I said I can't believe you because you always lie. And he said there is no fixing what he has done to me so why bother trying, and I said, "dude, that is step 9, but you wouldn't freaking know because you don't bother to try!"

Really, I am not asking for a miracle here. Or maybe I am.

His entire life is falling apart, and I told him that I am the only thing keeping him together, and he is going to lose everything when he loses me. He knows it. But making things worse certainly isn't making them any better, and he absolutely refuses to take responsibility for ANYTHING in his life.

He wasn't like this, things changed a couple of months ago, and I don't really think I want to stick around to see if they will go back. I am done. The alcohol, drugs, whatever, I can deal with that. But the way I see it, if you are thinking about cheating, you are already cheating.

And I am very very good at hating cheaters. So I guess I can thank him for giving me a way out. Go ahead and hit bottom, go to jail, get an STD, die, whatever it takes, because I really no longer care.

fourmaggie

IMO: unexceptable behaviour is UNEXCEPTABLE...

its up to you...and you do have many many choices...

Carol Star

My family doc told me trying to have a relationship with an addict/alcoholic is like trying to drive that pretty, red, racecar- that has no engine in it. You deserve car with an engine. I felt sorry for the new lady in my XAH's life........she can have him.......