Wow, wow, and wow!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Maplewood, MN
Posts: 121
Wow, wow, and wow!!
I have been a member here for 8 years. Starting out as the alcoholic looking for help. I had 3 years sober, out for 2, and now recovering for 3 1/2 years. 
I just looked through my old posts, never have done that before. I have had a problem with my SO for the last 4 out of almost 6 years!! Why don't I remember how long I have been unhappy with my SO??? Weird weird weird feeling reading through all of that, and all I can think of is why did I not run from this relationship way back then??
NOW, I am still dealing with him being an alcoholic, and I really know that I am not in love with him, he pushed that out of me long ago. But I care for him as a person. He was diagnosed with Hep c in Nov, and based on his blood work they think that he is at stage 3-4 of chirrosis (sp). He goes in for liver biopsy on Tues, I am taking him.
I am seeing him through this, but now that he is that sick (which he ignores, and is still drinking) how does one leave someone that is that physically sick?
I started al-anon (yea me!) I have been to 3 meetings so far. I have lots to learn here.......
Just looking for anyone that has been through anything like this before.....
I just looked through my old posts, never have done that before. I have had a problem with my SO for the last 4 out of almost 6 years!! Why don't I remember how long I have been unhappy with my SO??? Weird weird weird feeling reading through all of that, and all I can think of is why did I not run from this relationship way back then??
NOW, I am still dealing with him being an alcoholic, and I really know that I am not in love with him, he pushed that out of me long ago. But I care for him as a person. He was diagnosed with Hep c in Nov, and based on his blood work they think that he is at stage 3-4 of chirrosis (sp). He goes in for liver biopsy on Tues, I am taking him.
I am seeing him through this, but now that he is that sick (which he ignores, and is still drinking) how does one leave someone that is that physically sick?
I started al-anon (yea me!) I have been to 3 meetings so far. I have lots to learn here.......
Just looking for anyone that has been through anything like this before.....
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Sending (((hugs))) and encouragement!
I had a friend with Hep C and cirrhosis. He chose to isolate until he reached the point of final hospitalization. Rented himself an appartment and allowed no visitors.
I hope you will keep reaching out for support for yourself during this time. I believe Al-anon is a smart choice for support.
Keep coming back, we care about You!
I had a friend with Hep C and cirrhosis. He chose to isolate until he reached the point of final hospitalization. Rented himself an appartment and allowed no visitors.
I hope you will keep reaching out for support for yourself during this time. I believe Al-anon is a smart choice for support.
Keep coming back, we care about You!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Your post reminds me of the recovery phrase, "Addicts don't have relationships. They take hostages."
Whether you stay or go, I think it would serve the integrity of you both to be honest with him about your current feelings. (The past is gone so stay current). If the romance is over for you, and you are choosing to stay for reasons of history and friendship, then you should speak that truth.
If every part of you is wanting to get away from him, I think you should not pretend to a commitment you no longer feel and will possibly resent.
Pretense just hurts everybody. So no matter what you choose, recovery is based on being honest-- out of respect and compassion for you both.
Just try to remember that his brain is as damaged as his body right now, and his choices will reflect that. But your brain is clear, and you can be honest about who you are, with compassion.
Whether you stay or go, I think it would serve the integrity of you both to be honest with him about your current feelings. (The past is gone so stay current). If the romance is over for you, and you are choosing to stay for reasons of history and friendship, then you should speak that truth.
If every part of you is wanting to get away from him, I think you should not pretend to a commitment you no longer feel and will possibly resent.
Pretense just hurts everybody. So no matter what you choose, recovery is based on being honest-- out of respect and compassion for you both.
Just try to remember that his brain is as damaged as his body right now, and his choices will reflect that. But your brain is clear, and you can be honest about who you are, with compassion.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Hi Jackie,
well I've been through something like that, and I know how you feel.
I don't know if I can offer any sound advice, but I'll share my story, so you might find something helpful in it, as I assume that is what you are looking for. it will probably be long, so, sorry in advance.
Almost two years ago my RAH started looking very sick, but kept on drinking, insisting he is fine, and he still has "some time left". I was going crazy, convinced he is deing, but he kept refusing to go to the docs. I thought he is going to die in front of our kids so I kicked him out. A week later he ended up in hospital and was diagnozed with end stage liver cirrhosis, the docs didn't think he'll last til the next morning. But he did. Over the next month he suffered a DT, came to the point he could barely speak, his words were slured and no one could understand him. He couldn't walk.
I felt I couldn't leave him as he is sick and possibly dieing. Pretty much the same way you feel now. I thought I could stay with detachmet, keep my boundaries, whatever, but to be honest only god knows what I was thinking back than, as I was half crazy at the time.
So I kept doing what I thought good wife, good person is supposed to do.
Anyways he managed not to die, came back home after one month in hospital, and I was convinced he'll never drink again, as I couldn't comprehand someone could go through such an odreal and than drink again.
But he did, only 4 months later.
I thought I've seen it all before, but I've seen nothing comparing to how bad things got than. He was completely out of his mind. He did every single insane thing you could think of. That lasted for one month and I finally kicked him out again.
He was getting more and more crazy each day, sometimes sleeping at his mum's but mostly being on the streets (we live in the small town, and as a place of residence he has picked was the park next to our kids school). That was unbearable, but I knew there was nothing I can do about it. I couldn't protect my kids from who their father is, but I could protect them by not letting him live with us.
It took him another 5 months of constant drinking, of living a life in which he has lost everything to have something change in him and seek recovery. He is in recovery for 10 months now, doing his best. His health is imporving too, his doc is very pleased, and sees RAH's progress as something close to miracle.
My point is RAH chose recovery and life only when he himself was ready. I played no part in it. I should have never took him back home from that hospital, as that was no help to him, but it only added 6 more months of misery in my and my kids lives.
Since he is doing good, and since he is a changed man (FOR NOW) and since we have made our amendmets we are back together for some 5 months now.
If he ever drinks again, if he even starts dry drunk behavior he's out of my life. Even if he's deing at the time, I'd leave him in an instant as my kids lives and my own life are too precious to be wasted on his poor choices.
With what I know now if I were you I wouldn't have problem leaving, I don't judge, I understand completely how hard it is, and I understand if you can't/won't, but you have every right to do so, and no one has a right to judge you (whatever your decison).
I hope this helps. You can PM me if you like, I'd be more than happy to try help the best I can.
well I've been through something like that, and I know how you feel.
I don't know if I can offer any sound advice, but I'll share my story, so you might find something helpful in it, as I assume that is what you are looking for. it will probably be long, so, sorry in advance.
Almost two years ago my RAH started looking very sick, but kept on drinking, insisting he is fine, and he still has "some time left". I was going crazy, convinced he is deing, but he kept refusing to go to the docs. I thought he is going to die in front of our kids so I kicked him out. A week later he ended up in hospital and was diagnozed with end stage liver cirrhosis, the docs didn't think he'll last til the next morning. But he did. Over the next month he suffered a DT, came to the point he could barely speak, his words were slured and no one could understand him. He couldn't walk.
I felt I couldn't leave him as he is sick and possibly dieing. Pretty much the same way you feel now. I thought I could stay with detachmet, keep my boundaries, whatever, but to be honest only god knows what I was thinking back than, as I was half crazy at the time.
So I kept doing what I thought good wife, good person is supposed to do.
Anyways he managed not to die, came back home after one month in hospital, and I was convinced he'll never drink again, as I couldn't comprehand someone could go through such an odreal and than drink again.
But he did, only 4 months later.
I thought I've seen it all before, but I've seen nothing comparing to how bad things got than. He was completely out of his mind. He did every single insane thing you could think of. That lasted for one month and I finally kicked him out again.
He was getting more and more crazy each day, sometimes sleeping at his mum's but mostly being on the streets (we live in the small town, and as a place of residence he has picked was the park next to our kids school). That was unbearable, but I knew there was nothing I can do about it. I couldn't protect my kids from who their father is, but I could protect them by not letting him live with us.
It took him another 5 months of constant drinking, of living a life in which he has lost everything to have something change in him and seek recovery. He is in recovery for 10 months now, doing his best. His health is imporving too, his doc is very pleased, and sees RAH's progress as something close to miracle.
My point is RAH chose recovery and life only when he himself was ready. I played no part in it. I should have never took him back home from that hospital, as that was no help to him, but it only added 6 more months of misery in my and my kids lives.
Since he is doing good, and since he is a changed man (FOR NOW) and since we have made our amendmets we are back together for some 5 months now.
If he ever drinks again, if he even starts dry drunk behavior he's out of my life. Even if he's deing at the time, I'd leave him in an instant as my kids lives and my own life are too precious to be wasted on his poor choices.
With what I know now if I were you I wouldn't have problem leaving, I don't judge, I understand completely how hard it is, and I understand if you can't/won't, but you have every right to do so, and no one has a right to judge you (whatever your decison).
I hope this helps. You can PM me if you like, I'd be more than happy to try help the best I can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Maplewood, MN
Posts: 121
Thank you everyone And Sesh, thank you for sharing your story. I am consumed day in and day out his HIS stuff, and I know thats not healthy. That is why I starte Al-anon. His plan since he found this out in Nov is that he is going to quit in March, this will be after the boipsy. March is Thursday. I don't have a whole lot of faith in this. But, he is well aware, that I will never be around him when he drinks, and that if he continues after he finds out exactly where he is at with his health, I can not stick around anymore and watch it.
These next few weeks will define me.....
And Sesh, thank you for sharing your story. I am consumed day in and day out his HIS stuff, and I know thats not healthy. That is why I starte Al-anon. His plan since he found this out in Nov is that he is going to quit in March, this will be after the boipsy. March is Thursday. I don't have a whole lot of faith in this. But, he is well aware, that I will never be around him when he drinks, and that if he continues after he finds out exactly where he is at with his health, I can not stick around anymore and watch it.These next few weeks will define me.....
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
For some addicts, their bottom is when they are dead. They are not going to care about whether or not they are dying, because that is not enough to make them hit bottom. But this is what I am learning-just because he is going down, doesn't mean he has to take you with him. You are not responsible for him if he is sick. It is up to him to realize it and fix it, or die. The cirrhosis didn't come about overnight. Chances are, he has been realizing how sick he is and just doesn't care.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
