username123

I'm not sure if the is the best sub forum for this anecdote. I've had a bit more than 3 years clean and sober for the most part. Regularly attended meetings for 1.5 of those, and found that outdoor exercise and team sports was really my best defense against the sorts of moods that had led to substance abuse in the past. Anyway, I've found that over these years my sleep has gotten worse and worse. I had a sleep study and it showed 40 % efficiency which is really poor. Recently I've been injured and unable to exercise, as well as diagnosed with a fairly bad pernicious anemia that won't go away. I've been dabbling with sleep drugs and muscle relaxers, and though I've stayed away from street drugs I've found myself drinking once or twice a month lately. Funny thing is it doesn't offer much of an escape, it just seems like more of a hassle than anything else. That's really the problem, everything is seeming like a hassle these days. My health won't cooperate, I'm exhausted constantly. I have a very demanding career and my mind is always overtaxed. Meetings seem like so much mumbo jumbo to me, and the only ones I seem to benefit from are meditation meetings. I'd welcome any insight or suggestions since I'm kind of at a loss here.

Soberliner

Seems like my story as well. I;ll be 38 in a few months. I used to love being active. Having to find a new hobby or activities seems like the first day of school. Always wanted to get into yoga, haven't actively pursued that yet. Have to learn to make new things a priority I guess.

username123

Yep I'll be 37 in a few months. Funny you should mention it, yoga has been a godsend since I've been too busted for doings sports. Especially first thing in the morning. Maybe I'll make it a point to hit at least 2 7 AM classes this week.

langkah

You might be able to catch yourself up, but from what you wrote it appears you're now heading for another desent into unhappiness where your drinking will increase to it's previous levels.

Avoiding that if you can would be a good idea.

username123

Thanks for your input. It's not that simple I think. I would much rather not be dabbling with pills and booze at all, but I don't think I am going to drink and use like I did in the past. For one thing, I simply can't-I don't have the strength and stamina. I'll physically fall apart before getting to those levels. Moreover, what I did get from AA is a sense of perspective and some coping skills that have been very helpful.

But you're right about the unhappiness part, and that I'd be better avoiding it. I feel like what I need to do is reorganize priorities so that spirituality is placed before fitness and money. Just not sure how to get there. It helps to write it out and get feedback for sure. In a way more so than speaking at a meeting would because I don't have my performer/public speaker hat on.

sissy07

You may have already tried this, but melatonin knocks me out. I also take benedryl with it. Valerian root seems to help a lot of people too, as well as chamomile tea. Lack of sleep sucks.

Sapling

Did you ever get a sponsor and work the 12 steps...I mean....That is the program of recovery....That's what the book is all about....Living with some peace and serenity in your life....Living sober period.

username123

Melatonin does help. I find it best not to take anything more than twice a week so I cycle through a few different things and some nights take nothing.

Re sponsors/12 steps, yes I've tried on a few occasions but it doesn't seem to connect for me, though I would consider trying again. If anything it makes me more anxious, and it seems like a futile attempt to put meaning to a chaotic and meaningless universe. Not a popular opinion to share around lots of people so I keep it to myself. Exercise has been the only thing that reliably brings any sort of inner peace.

Lenina

Have you tried self hypnosis? I use CDs with guided meditations and breathing exercises. You might check out Deep Sleep with Medical Hypnosis.

I also have sleep disorders due to an Alpha Delta Sleep Disturbance. If you can get on a good sleep hygiene schedule, this will help a lot.

Love from Lenina

Sapling

But that hasn't stopped you from drinking a couple times a month...Do you see that as a problem that might take you right back to where you were?

jocata

You didn't mention how you drank and used in the past. If it was anything like my past usage, it sounds like you may be headed for a train wreck, from what I get from your original post. I can say this because I've been in similar situations.

Hope you can get out of your rut.

God bless.

username123

Hey I'm back with a progress report. After some soul searching I decided I have to give up my sleep drugs. Think they're actually just as bad as the alcohol. Ambien especially. So I did yoga 3x this week, weights 2x, and went out to the symphony twice and stayed out later after, plus an all day class on top of a 50 hour work week. Ran myself completely ragged. Slept 8 hours (over a 14 hour period but I'll take it) last night. Thanks again for all the input it's greatly appreciated.

username123

No, again it's just not possible physically to go back where I came from. I'm more concerned with where I'm going forward and how to make the best of it.

username123

Actually I have. I do guided meditations with my therapist and enjoy it greatly. Come to think of it I will buy a cheapie IPOD and ask her to load it up with her recordings next time I see her. Thanks for the suggestion.

Dazee

This forum is not to give or receive medical advice so I apologize in advance if this is going too far.

What is being done about your anemia? I only ask because I've had a serious case before and it was like walking dead. I also had to make a big fuss before anything was really done to help me. Insomnia and anemia - both can suck the life out of you.

sugarbear1

Meetings are okay, but it's the tools that we have to practice. Do you meditate at home? Have you been guided through the 12 steps? These have been priceless to me. My sleeping habits have improved immensely! They (the tools when practiced) might help you realize that those hassles aren't really hassles anymore. Too many meetings don't help me at all, it's in working the steps to deal with everyday life that makes a difference and my meditations help me to relax and just know the next thing to accomplish. Those couple of beers might need to be rethought. They could be giving you some anxiety and sleepless nights.

Best wishes,

InParticular

Yoga and meditation.

sugarbear1

I'm not a doctor, but I read a lot, your pernicious anemia is an autoimmune disease. Did your doctor ever suggest that the long term drinking you've done had anything to do with it? Alcohol changes the lining of our stomachs and other things and also inhibits the absorption of B vitamins. You really may want to rethink those few drinks each month and really take care of your health.
Love,

username123

Well it's interesting. It was bad enough that the oncologist pulled a marrow biopsy out of my pelvis but it didn't show anything. What did they do for yours?

Dazee

At first I was told to take iron pills. It was so bad I was having trouble getting up to go to work. I wasn't that far from needing a blood transfusion. I had IV iron and tests run to try to find internal bleeding. Nothing. There are more aggressive ways of treating iron deficiency, but I didn't get those - just had to keep taking pills, ate more iron foods and eventually it got better. B-12 shots also helped.