Terminally Unique

I see a lot of posts in this forum from people who say that they 'failed' to stay sober, some with multiple such posts. That's certainly one way to look at it, but they also certainly succeeded in getting drunk. In my experience, if you want to actually put an end to the 'on the wagon', 'off the wagon' cycle, you need to take personal responsibility not for what you didn't do (stay sober), but for what you did do (drink). Doing the latter will often prompt the necessary change in one's approach.

Something to consider...

Tippingpoint

Nicely said.

penny74

Not an easy thing for some...

DayTrader

Of course it's not. If getting sober and staying sober - for good - was easy, everyone who tried it would have no problem getting recovered......hence TU's comment about "responsibility."

A bright flash of light suddenly striking you sober isn't all that likely. On the other hand, there's some action you can take, action that is entirely within your control, that DOES have a likely outcome.........but it's up to us to actually TAKE that action, yanno?

Terminally Unique

Bingo.

sober4metoday

Because I am not what is defined as a "heavy drinker' or "physically dependent" but rather a "Binge Drinker" (I can go days, weeks, without a drink) I know that my drinking stems from my conscious behavior (whether that be emotional, mental, physical, what-have-you). I know that the key to my success is BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION. I am not "defeated" by a disease or an addiction. I make a conscious CHOICE to drink each and every time. I don't crave, I don't have withdrawals - what I do have are selfish, self-destructive tendencies and my method of choice to carry this out is alcohol. I am an alcoholic by definition, none-the-less.

I'm not a doctor nor have I heard the above from any professional. But I do know that I can't blame anyone or anything for my behavior except for myself. And that is the first hard pill to swallow in this quest for sobriety.

jocata

Good thread. What usually "fails" to happen is positive action is one's respective program of recovery. Many don't use any program, but changes still have to be made.

I've been guilty of just not drinking, but changing nothing else in my life. Got me into trouble everytime.

God bless.

2granddaughters

For many of us alcoholics we need help outside of ourselves, we can't just "Say NO" and walk away from alcohol/substances. We need meetings and a 12 Step program.

I wish you the best in your chosen manner of recovery, just don't die trying to do the impossible.

Bob R.

sober4metoday

What's impossible? Did you just suggest that me getting sober in the manner in which I'm trying is impossible?

Not all approaches are going to work for everyone. But thanks for vote of confidence!

soberlicious

Words are powerful. Subtle, yes, but often the messages we hear can become real for us. We begin to believe we can't. This does not need to be true.

RobbyRobot

Awesome.

Ashley

Love this. (:

neferkamichael

Thanks for the thread TU. I've been told numerous times to give myself credit for the good that I have done instead of always thinking I should'a or could'a. I still haven't grasped the concept of living now. Don't know why.

desertsong

Great thread, TU. This is my fourth time getting sober in a year and I have learned SO much. Mostly, I learned that I am not a "victim" of my circumstances. I have a choice. The Victim Mode kept me in my alcoholism for many years. When I turned that notion on its head, I realized that every time I drank, I had a choice ... I just chose to drink instead of not drink. Choices, responsibility, priorities ... they have really come into play these last few weeks.

I am choosing NOT to drink ... today and forever. The "forever" thing is tough sometimes but I can do the "today" thing. That's all that matters. All of my "today's" will eventually add up to forever. I get that. I want that. That is my choice.

katrinka

Yes, personal responsibility, how true! I had a situation where I was done wrong and I became very hurt and just couldn't get over it. I self medicated with alcohol but then used my huge hurt as an excuse to continue drinking. I had to stop blaming something else for my problem and I'm still working on that.

Terminally Unique

For a long time, I had what one might call a 'rescue fantasy'. I essentially resigned myself to my dismal fate, and hoped that someone, or something else, would magically save me from myself. Needless to say, I just kept on drinking, and — surprise, surprise — nobody came to my rescue. Merely wishing upon distant stars won't improve the hole you're in. As DayTrader so elegantly put it, "a bright flash of light suddenly striking you sober isn't all that likely."

quitforme79

When I first read this earlier TU I admit I was a little upset and took it personally because I have been one of the "repeat failures" on here. BUT, you have been one of the people that really shared AVRT tools with me and talked me thru some earlier times & I thank you for that. I was only upset at myself earlier because I know you are 100% right and I am self-loathing today. In reply to your last post, I have to say that you hit the nail on the head for me..I have had this "rescue fantasy". I actually was driving from work today and thought "nothing is going to change this but you". Not a friend, not a new job, prince charming, moving to a new state, etc BTW I read about AVRT for a couple hours tonight...thanks for this thread

Terminally Unique

Although I appreciate the sentiment, quitforme79, there is no need to explain. I am well aware that my 'message' will ruffle some feathers. It cannot be otherwise, and accordingly, I receive as much 'hate mail' as I do 'thank you's', but I am perfectly comfortable being a minority of one. At the end of the day, however, I am just words on a screen. Always remember: your fate is in your hands.

instant

It took me a long time to understand the power that cravings have. The power we have for justifying what we do is great. It is easier to stay sober compared to getting sober in the first place.

camedown

This is very true. Sobriety is near impossible without action, nor without the willingness to follow through with said action. Being a drunk is hard work, we commited a lot of our time and energy to every aspect of it. Making sure the money was in order, prepping the lies for the day, planning out the scheme of the drunk, ensuring we had a supply ready once we blacked out, etc. This is all deep, psychological preparation and habitual behavior. It is naive to think that we can win this battle on will power alone. We must commit to a life long program of recovery that works on a base, mental level, reconditioning our brains to think along sober lines, and reinforcing that conditioning for a lifetime through whatever recovery program we choose.