Redheadsusie

So I told AH today after not speaking to me for going on a week that we had to do something about our living arrangement. He can't afford this house alone- I can though his parents put some money down for us years ago. Well I go see a movie alone - and when I come out my phone is lighting up - she calls me and leaves me a mean message about house and I need to call her right away and I am the one who is gonna leave etc etc. I call AH and say what the hall - why is she calling me - he acts dumb. I say you can't afford the house - he says well all I can do is try and if I lose it I lose it. I say let me get this straight you want me and 2 kids and a large dog to leave a house Ican pay for and you will stay here and you can't - he says he will get roommate. We live in the country on a river - not like there are people wanting roommates. We get into it I tell him I am not talking to her - this was the woman who told me she knows I have been struggling with him and she will always be there for me. I say- well I don't know where I will go with a large dog and we can both live here for now if you wont stay with your folks acorss the street in their huge house for free - but you will pay 1/2 of the bills. He says absolutely not - as a matter of fact - he wants me to pay him back for 2 months- 2 freaking months in the past where he paid more than his small amount and he wants to stay here for free. Went on about how I have taken advantage of his family ( by paying the mortgage) and I was gonna realize how good I had it. Am I missing somthing- yes I am grateful they helped us years ago and that is their money when we sell- but we are upside down - they would lose their money if we sold now - all of it. I am so beside myself with the madness and of course scared stiff but mostly pissed. What the f am I not getting ? His Mother has ruined him- what 50 year old man has his Mother call his wife of 8 years - together 13 and chew her ass out. She knows he has drug and alcohol problem. WTF?

lillamy

I would suggest getting a lawyer.
If you are ready to get him out of your life, that is.

Willybluedog

Was the money they paid a gift or a loan, if they don't have loan papers then it was a gift.

I would be shocked if any court would throw a mother and her children out of the house so he could stay there alone.

He's an asshat and she's nuts, I would block them all and if that does not solve the problem I would get a new phone number.

If he continues to push the issue, go ahead and file for separation, temporary custody and temporary child support, and have him evicted, they are going to hate you either way so "so what". They want to make it hard it is only going to cost all of you more money.

Take some time to center yourself, remember you cannot fix stupid, all you can do is shake your fist at it and then make a call to your lawyer.

Hope things get better, will say a prayer for you.

Best of luck,

Bill

tjp613

If I were you I'd stop the arguing and make an appt Monday morning to consult with an attorney and get the papers filed. You can argue all day long but he's obviously not a mature, reasonable man. He's a petulant child. Save your energy!!

GettingBy

Redheadsusie,

I was exactly where you are today... Only a few short months ago. I walked out... Two small kids and a golden retriever.... No house was worth my peace and serenity. It wasn't an easy or quick decision to come to, and it required a good deal of footwork on my part but it was so worth it.

My xmil was also on my "side " for a while too... Until she realized I meant business and I was really going to divorce her son. Then she turned on me. Blood is thicker than water, even if there's alcohol in those veins.

Having a solid attorney who respected my values was priceless for me. I rarely talk directly with my XAH now a days. Almost everything goes through my attorney, even when he or his family tries to contact me directly. I refuse to engage in the madness.

Read some of my old posts... I bumped a couple yesterday. There is SO much peace on the other side!

naive

are you sure you want to stay in that house if his mother is across the street? and he might also end up across the street?

fourmaggie

its time to get a BACK BONE...do whats right for you and your children....Al anon will help too in your recovery....

good reference is here...these friends in SR are awesome!

inpieces314

Personally, I would stay in the house, because if he can't legally kick you out, there is nothing he can do about it. If he gets pissed off enough, he will leave. It would be different if there wasn't the kids and the dog to think about, if it were only you, then it would be easier for you to leave. But you have to think about them and the situation that they would be best living in (I am talking about geographically-they are comfortable in the house because they have been there for a while already). Or, he can buy you out if he wants to stay. But I wouldn't leave. Don't give him the satisfaction.

inpieces314

I definitely agree with that, but I just don't think he should get the satisfaction of thinking that he won. If he really wants the house that bad, he should pay for it. I would be like, "you buy me out, I will gladly leave, but until then, I am staying, because it is as much my house as it is yours."

wanttobehealthy

I have a stbxAH and enabling, psychotic MIL too and the ONLY solution for dealing with her is to have ended all contact. In a way, her most recent craziness gave me the "justification" to go NC with her for myself and my kids... I suggest for your sanity that you block her #, block her email and save yourself additional grief and go NC now with her...

fourmaggie

for me...i rather be happy...he can have the damn house!...my sanity comes first and so does my kids....

Thumper

What are you missing? That he is an alcoholic and there is no reasoning with him - or his mother !! Mothers will almost always stick by their own flesh and blood in the end - especially over something material, like a house.

If you want separate living situations and want this particular house go get a lawyer. If you don't really care just walk away and go find a place to live while you still have good credit.

I can see how frustrating this situation is but you hold the key to ending it. You have all the power.

EnglishGarden

You can definitely find a rental with 2 kids and a dog.

The house can be rented to someone by your AH and your in-laws. Or he can get that insane roommate who wants to put up with his bull****.

You can consider all the mortgages you have paid in the past as "rent", free and clear.

I could not possibly live in your situation. You are surrounded by hostility and domination.

My choice was--years ago--to walk away from everything, with my little boy, our 2 cats, our corgi, and a purse stuffed full of Al-Anon literature.

We found a house to rent and I built a new life from scratch. You can, too.

nodaybut2day

Having left an AH who turned mean and threatening when we separated, I truly appreciated being over an hour away. The physical distance is what prevented him from pulling more stupid crap...

blwninthewind

Screw the house...get the heck outta there.

I agree w/ the fact that his parents living across the street is a problem.

I just explained to my mom that I'm not taking ANYTHING from this house to my new one...because I can't deal w/ the memories and I need to start over..even if it means I'm sleeping on the floor for a few months...worth it!

naive

yeah, i slept on the floor for a month or two also. i just piled up a bunch of little rugs and made my bed on top of that. it was fine.