Can I do This?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Can I do This?
Reading every sticky. Printing them out. Rereading. Counselor.
AS is again calling with the following "needs". "I'm sick as a dog. I have a bad leak in my pipes. No water. Can't bathe. No clothes. No transportation. Send money. "
Me: I don't have it to send. Close to payday. You stole and maxed my credit card. I have no means.
AS: Ask (my husband).
Me: No. He's broke, too.
AS: It's just an advance till check comes.
Me: Heard that last month. You took the check. I never got it.
AS: No, I didn't.
Me: You had to or you would have been throwing fits if you hadn't gotten it.
As: Just overnight the title to my camper. Would have had it 2 weeks ago if you as don't what I asked. Just come up this weekend and bring it. (2 hrs away)
Me: Can't do that. Then you wouldn't even have a place to live cause you would pawn it.
He does sound sick, but then he always does. I've spent a fortune on fixing his water leaks, stopped up toilet, laundry, meds, etc., etc.
He puts me through so much hell. Sometimes i just want to send him the title, change my phone number again, and go to sleep.I have an appointment to shoot a family (photography shoot) this afternoon. My heart isn't in it. I will worry about him being sick with no water and I don't need to do that. I could sell my soul for him and he would let me. I do believe he loves me but it incapable of demonstrating it.
Can't wait to go back to counselor this week. I need so much help. I dreamed this past week that the doctor told me I only had 6 months to live and I was so happy about that! The sticky about the cycle of abuse (no matter what kind) just leaves us feeling worthless and becoming more and more tolerant to behavior that is totally unacceptable. I'm sick of him and sick of me.
I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. It's just taking me longer than most. But I AM GOING TO GET THERE!
AS is again calling with the following "needs". "I'm sick as a dog. I have a bad leak in my pipes. No water. Can't bathe. No clothes. No transportation. Send money. "
Me: I don't have it to send. Close to payday. You stole and maxed my credit card. I have no means.
AS: Ask (my husband).
Me: No. He's broke, too.
AS: It's just an advance till check comes.
Me: Heard that last month. You took the check. I never got it.
AS: No, I didn't.
Me: You had to or you would have been throwing fits if you hadn't gotten it.
As: Just overnight the title to my camper. Would have had it 2 weeks ago if you as don't what I asked. Just come up this weekend and bring it. (2 hrs away)
Me: Can't do that. Then you wouldn't even have a place to live cause you would pawn it.
He does sound sick, but then he always does. I've spent a fortune on fixing his water leaks, stopped up toilet, laundry, meds, etc., etc.
He puts me through so much hell. Sometimes i just want to send him the title, change my phone number again, and go to sleep.I have an appointment to shoot a family (photography shoot) this afternoon. My heart isn't in it. I will worry about him being sick with no water and I don't need to do that. I could sell my soul for him and he would let me. I do believe he loves me but it incapable of demonstrating it.
Can't wait to go back to counselor this week. I need so much help. I dreamed this past week that the doctor told me I only had 6 months to live and I was so happy about that! The sticky about the cycle of abuse (no matter what kind) just leaves us feeling worthless and becoming more and more tolerant to behavior that is totally unacceptable. I'm sick of him and sick of me.
I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. It's just taking me longer than most. But I AM GOING TO GET THERE!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Sometimes i just want to send him the title, change my phone number again, and go to sleep.
Do it. Seriously. If it is his title, then send it to him and let him do whatever he wants to do with it. It really isn't your concern. Change your phone number or block him. Go NO CONTACT. Hearing him lie and whine and want things doesn't help anyone and it just keeps you upset. You wouldn't be upset if you didn't know about it. Only you can make that happen.
Do it. Seriously. If it is his title, then send it to him and let him do whatever he wants to do with it. It really isn't your concern. Change your phone number or block him. Go NO CONTACT. Hearing him lie and whine and want things doesn't help anyone and it just keeps you upset. You wouldn't be upset if you didn't know about it. Only you can make that happen.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Good for you for doing what it takes to take care of yourself!! I would send him the title, too, and then wash your hands of the whole thing. You can't save him and protect him from himself. If you let him go and let him deal with things himself, then maybe he would have the drive to save himself. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Actually the title is in my name. It's the only way he has a place to live. I've tried to hold on to that much, but it may be time to just let him have it.
The photo shoot was fun. Didn't think about him once after the shoot got underway. Need to do more of it just for fun.
The photo shoot was fun. Didn't think about him once after the shoot got underway. Need to do more of it just for fun.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
My .02 worth:
If he is that sick, tell him to go the county ER and tell them he is indigent. They have to treat him by federal law.
As to the title .................................. well, you know the camper is probably trashed, and I suspect he wants the title to get a 'title loan' from one of those places.
The rest of the stuff, sounds like QUACKING and MANIPULATION to me. Just picture the BIG WHITE AFLAC DUCK. Food he can apply for food stamps, and go to the Salvation Army.
It may be time for you to go No Contact. Sounds like he only contacts you when he wants something (money or items to turn into money). When he runs out of resources to 'help' him and is feeling his consequences, he will be one step closer to realizing that he DOES have a BAD PROBLEM with substance abuse.
Sounds like you are much closer to saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Love and hugs,
If he is that sick, tell him to go the county ER and tell them he is indigent. They have to treat him by federal law.
As to the title .................................. well, you know the camper is probably trashed, and I suspect he wants the title to get a 'title loan' from one of those places.
The rest of the stuff, sounds like QUACKING and MANIPULATION to me. Just picture the BIG WHITE AFLAC DUCK. Food he can apply for food stamps, and go to the Salvation Army.
It may be time for you to go No Contact. Sounds like he only contacts you when he wants something (money or items to turn into money). When he runs out of resources to 'help' him and is feeling his consequences, he will be one step closer to realizing that he DOES have a BAD PROBLEM with substance abuse.
Sounds like you are much closer to saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Love and hugs,
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
the longer he has a place to live the longer he can prolong his present circumstances which sound pretty bad but apparently not critical yet - if he loses that then he is forced into a change - hopefully that change would be one for the better -sending prayers for you and for your son
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the South
Posts: 228
Washbe2, I think there's a few of us moms on here who are living parallel lives. I'm about to post a thred on my situation, as soon as I can get up the energy to put it into words. I feel like I've "fallen and can't get up". I've gotta find a meeting.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Washbe, I have just got home from vacation and want to send a hug.
The lines get old, the requests are never ending, and I agree with the poster who suggested that "No" is a complete sentence. I also used to use the phrase "I have no money" often. No debate, no discussion...just no money. It worked for me.
I want to add...you are doing well. It may not feel like it some days, but when we look back to where we have been and then at where we are now...we've come a long way, baby.
Walking with you hugs
The lines get old, the requests are never ending, and I agree with the poster who suggested that "No" is a complete sentence. I also used to use the phrase "I have no money" often. No debate, no discussion...just no money. It worked for me.
I want to add...you are doing well. It may not feel like it some days, but when we look back to where we have been and then at where we are now...we've come a long way, baby.
Walking with you hugs
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