Daughter in Denial--or maybe I'm wrong???

Old 02-25-2012, 09:17 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisville
Posts: 2
Daughter in Denial--or maybe I'm wrong???

I have a 29 year old daughter who I believe is an alcoholic, but of course when I approach her she has every excuse in the world.

Let me try to give a little background info. She got pregnant her senior year in high school and had the baby. Did not stay with the father, but the father's parents were very involved. Involved to the point that she would let them watch the baby so she could go out and party. She was a lousy mother to this child. In her eyes--she was fine. But it was very rough those first years of my grandson's life. She started college, but dropped out. Used the excuse that she just didn't fit in--her having a baby and all. She started working at Hooter's and in my opinion that's where it all started to go in the crapper for her.

She stayed out all hours of the night--never let us know where she was--sometimes wouldn't come home until the next day. She would blow money on clothes, makeup, etc. She even went out a had a breast augmentation. Which started her bad credit histroy. She would even lie to us about out of town trips--saying she had to go do some training in another state--when in reality she was with a guy. She tried college one more time--but she dropped out again--this the ladies at the medical office where she had to do here clinicals were "mean" to her. I could go on and on, but hopefully you can get an idea of the situation.

After several years of this, she started dating a guy that I do like. He is/was a musician. She became pregnant again and the two moved in together. They do have a farily stable life--he works a "real" job now and they did buy a house. The problem is they both drink, they drink all the time. I've never been with them when they were not drinking. Believe me I am not blaming him for my daughter's drinking. But drinking is very important to the both of them.

Back to my daughter--she works part time for my neighbor--who happens to be an alcoholic. She comes to my house about once a week to work for him. Usually late in the afternoon. She leaves her daughter here with us and goes over there for hours. When she comes back she reeks of alcohol. I don't think she gets alot of work done--I think the two do more drinking than working.

She usually spends the night with me on those nights--basically too drunk to drive home. When I found three empty booze bottles in my spare bedroom dressser, that's when I finally decided to approach her about it. She got mad and said I was crazy. Just laughed it off.

Since then I have decided to question my four year old granddaughter. I am trying to do it very innocently--asking her what her and mommy do during the day. It seems that she gets up in the mornings and mommy stays in bed. I asked her what they eat and drink for lunch. She told me mommy drinks Red Bull and white stuff. My daughter does nothing during the day--her house is a mess--she never finishes anything. I believe she just drinks all day long.


It's gotten to the point that she smells of booze all the time. When I ask about it--she get's mad and says she has not been drinking. Do alcoholics always smell, even if they have not been drinking? I'm so fearful that her health is in danger now. She doesn't have regular periods. She complains about not feeling good all the time--could she be getting sick because on the days she doesn't drink she's having withdrawal symptoms?

Our last big blow up was last night--she had to go to traffic court to straighten up a matter over an expired registration. She smelled horribly of alcohol. I told her in a very matter of fact way, that I didn't think it would be a good idea to go in front of a judge smelling like that--and she blew up and said she had not been drinking.

Am I wrong--is there a possibility that she is NOT an alcoholic? She get's angry and claims that I am not around her all the time--just that when she is around me--usually working next store--that she had a few beers with our neighbor while she was working. But the fact is--I smell it on her and her fiance everytime I am with them--my grandson's ball games, etc.

I know I have rambled and rambled--but it's very difficult to explain the whole situation in one post.

What do I do? Al-Anon? Counseling?
lhayes1976 is offline  
Old 02-25-2012, 09:42 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
gippy1968's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 226
I think you already know the answer to your question. You will find Alanon very helpful!
gippy1968 is offline  
Old 02-25-2012, 09:42 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
cmc
Member
 
cmc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR. Whether or not she is an alcoholic or not does not change the fact that her lifestyle is destructive to herself and others; and also that _you_ as a loving family member are left to cope with the chaos she creates. There is hope as many here will also share about.

What I learned here and in Al-Anon was to make my decisions about how I would respond based _only_ on the other person's actions. Addicts and alcholics are very good at making excuses and oftentimes the family members are far too quick to believe the lies. This is what happened to our family as well. We needed to learn more about this disease and find a better way to cope and respond to the problems that arose.

I highly recommend you try Al-Anon, you don't need to have a 'for certain diagnosis' about your daughter's alcoholism. She has a problem with alcohol and that is enough....but it is _you_ who need the support of others regardless the degree of her problem. Another thing that helped me alot was to attend open AA meetings. (by myself- not with my family member)

I hope you will continue to come here to this forum, there are so many great people here who will share their own similar stories.

Take a look at our sticky threads too- there's tons of good information and especially selected permanent threads to help you.
cmc is offline  
Old 02-25-2012, 09:52 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisville
Posts: 2
I think maybe I am the one in denial--as a parent I want to believe the excuses and that there really is no problem and I am overreacting. What is so scary about this is--it's something that's not going away. Oh if only I could put a band-aid on it and it would heal on it's own. I'm so sad for her. She's always been my "high maintenance" child. I've come so close to calling Al-Anon--had their website pulled up many times--but then I just couldn't do it--I think the time has come.
lhayes1976 is offline  
Old 02-25-2012, 09:54 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
cmc
Member
 
cmc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
There's a saying (one of many) said in Al-Anon, it goes something like this:

'It's suggested that you attend at least 6 meetings and if afterwards you find that it's not for you....we will gladly refund your misery.'
cmc is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:43 AM.