Dustygirl01

I've posted here in the past...my bf has a son and a daughter with whom he currently has no contact due to drug issues and crimes. His daughter stole, forged and cashed personal checks and involved her younger brother in the scheme as well (this was not her first run-in with the law...she also had 14 charges of drug possession distribution which were dropped due to police error). The son was a minor at the time. They were both drug addicts living with my bf. My bf totally believed there were off of drugs and was trying to "help" them. Well...of course it ended badly with the check stealing as well as the son stealing cash. The daughter ended up only getting a year of probation and is enrolled in the ARD program for theft...since it's not a drug related crime, I don't think they're even going to drug test her. His son (who is now 18) is being sent 260 miles away to a rehab facility for NINE months (through the state). He's already done a one-month stay in a rehab facility this past Sept.

My question is...what happens when this kid completes rehab? Are they going to dump this 19 y.o. kid back with the parent in the old environment? He's going to be around siblings who are using drugs, his old druggie friends who are still in the area, and around parents that he knows he can lie to.

lesliej

extended treatment is a great resource.
there is always sober living that can be arranged.
but that is a long way off, and in the meantime you are still surrounded by a lot of active dysfunction. have you gone to meetings for al anon or nar anon? have you read any literature dealing with dysfunctional systems? "codependent no more" perhaps?

getting yourself grounded in your own serenity is going to help you find peace of mind. there are a lot of moving parts around you and you don't have any control whatsoever over any of them...only you.

you will find any effort you put toward them will be futile, and the effort you put toward yourself will be fulfilling...and in the end that is the absolute best you can do for everyone! nice how that works!!

outtolunch

Rehab is not a magic cure. At best rehab creates an opportunity for a highly moticated addict to mature and learn recovery tools. It's up to the addict to use those tools or not, post rehab.

He's an adult. No one can dump him anywhere. Your BF will have a choice to allow him to return home, or not. That's between he and his son.

The 19 year old is responsible for his own choices and consequences regardless of where he lands.

Dustygirl01

I'm hoping this kid goes to some type of sober living facility when he gets out. My bf is totally not equipped to deal with any of this...he will go back to enabling him and believing every lie this kid tells him. I've told my bf he needs to go to al-anon meetings or narc-anon meetings to speak with other parents going through this so he can hear how they've dealt with it/handled it. But, it's up to him. All I can do is take care of myself...protect myself.

OuttoLunch, you are right...the 19 y.o. is responsible for his actions. Unfortunately my bf doesn't see it that way...he's made excuses for all his kids saying they can't control what they do because their brains aren't fully formed yet and capable of making good decisions...UGH. So, he's never held them accountable for anything.