this is gonna be a tough one.
01/28/2017
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 74
this is gonna be a tough one.
i caved last night and drank. tonight i spent 30 minutes staring at an open beer and finally caved in......obviously i have no support(i actually do have a few people i can call from way back, but too embarrassed).
this sucks. i know i need to quit. i had no trouble going 7 days a week ago, but at that point i had no intention of quitting.....just 7 days then i got a "reward". another thing is i think i may have some medical issues going on. 3 months ago i could drink 10 beers in a night and not be hungover, now if i do that i will feel very sick until late evening the next day. this started happening right after i took a 10 day script of cipro for an infection. not looking for medical advice, just stating facts.
i need to see a doctor and i need to quit drinking. i'm on my 5th beer so tonight is a writeoff. tomorrow i have to work(and will likely feel like garbage the whole time), i just called the local aa hotline and talked to a nice guy for a while, he set up a phone call for tomorrow so hopefully i'll have someone nagging me to go to a meeting tomorrow. i am gonna make an appointment for my GP and get things checked out. i'm a hypochondriac so i'm kinda freaking out about worst case scenario(liver cancer etc....).
just needed to vent. i know this is up to me. i gotta do what needs to be done to make this happen, did not realize it would be this tough to "face up" this time....
i must say it's nice to have a place like sr to come to at any time...
this sucks. i know i need to quit. i had no trouble going 7 days a week ago, but at that point i had no intention of quitting.....just 7 days then i got a "reward". another thing is i think i may have some medical issues going on. 3 months ago i could drink 10 beers in a night and not be hungover, now if i do that i will feel very sick until late evening the next day. this started happening right after i took a 10 day script of cipro for an infection. not looking for medical advice, just stating facts.
i need to see a doctor and i need to quit drinking. i'm on my 5th beer so tonight is a writeoff. tomorrow i have to work(and will likely feel like garbage the whole time), i just called the local aa hotline and talked to a nice guy for a while, he set up a phone call for tomorrow so hopefully i'll have someone nagging me to go to a meeting tomorrow. i am gonna make an appointment for my GP and get things checked out. i'm a hypochondriac so i'm kinda freaking out about worst case scenario(liver cancer etc....).
just needed to vent. i know this is up to me. i gotta do what needs to be done to make this happen, did not realize it would be this tough to "face up" this time....
i must say it's nice to have a place like sr to come to at any time...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by jv369 
tonight i spent 30 minutes staring at an open beer and finally caved in.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 52
Please do not be too hard on yourself. We have all had our failures or we wouldn't be here. I criticize myself when I fail and convince myself that I am not worth the effort. The reality is that we all deserve to win. Just give tomorrow a go 
I will be thinking of you, praying for you and hoping that tomorrow is 'the day'. Cheers, MM
I will be thinking of you, praying for you and hoping that tomorrow is 'the day'. Cheers, MM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Wow, I remember once calling AA after a particularly bad night among a long string of those. They wanted to send me a meeting schedule and I grilled them about what the envelope would look like and if there was AA showing on the return addy, and reluctantly gave my permission after the person assured me there would be no indicators.
By the time it arrived I was ashamed for overreacting to such a great degree and tossed it unopened, as if it might infect me.
I had another 4 years of drinking and the suffering that goes with that to endure and also to spread around to loved ones ahead of me at that point.
The person who was willing to give their time and talk with someone like me because they didn't want to drink again definately came out on top in that exchange. I doubt if anyone from AA is going to nag you, as there's never a shortage of newcomers and it doesn't matter in the least who it is we are trying to help.
By the time it arrived I was ashamed for overreacting to such a great degree and tossed it unopened, as if it might infect me.
I had another 4 years of drinking and the suffering that goes with that to endure and also to spread around to loved ones ahead of me at that point.
The person who was willing to give their time and talk with someone like me because they didn't want to drink again definately came out on top in that exchange. I doubt if anyone from AA is going to nag you, as there's never a shortage of newcomers and it doesn't matter in the least who it is we are trying to help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
I used to do that too. A bottle of liquor would be sitting on the counter and I would literally step forward to grab it, then step back...on and on for an hour. That should have told me something right there. I'm glad to hear that you have a plan and that someone will be calling you. Just keep trying... don't give up on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Thank you for your post. It reminds me of the number of times (and there have been too many to count) that I have relapsed. I don't think there have many other times that I was more disappointed in myself....it is so painful. A little background about me - I checked myself into rehab at 35, drank after a month for about a year, sobered up for 8 years, relapsed for two years, then sobered up for 9 years. Then I moved from Atlanta (which I loved and miss very much) to Austin to escape from an abusive, stalking ex-husband that was hell-bent on killing me. As soon as I got to Austin four years ago I started drinking again. (go figure) I am now 6.5 months sober. So I know "the ride". It is really tough.
Use the disappointment that you feel right now to propel yourself into a recovery program. You don't need to quit drinking for seven days; you need to be sober for the rest of your life. Think of it as one day at a time or it will blow you away.
Before I was 35 I must have tried to quit 100 tiimes. The difference? I finally got tired of being hungover and wasting time drinking and undoing the damage I caused. I know that you know that the longer you hang on to drinking the harder it is going to be to quit and the more damage it will do to your body. Get into some kind of program, and go to a doctor to get checked out thoroughly.
It is early here, so this isn't exactly my most inspirational post, but I hope that you take it to heart. You deserve a good, sober life...but you need some time under your belt to see that. Do whatever you have to do before you suffer the repercussions that you read about in this forum. Your post really touched me - I know how you feel,, and I am so sorry. Please get help. Oh, and the open beer was a really bad idea. Please don't beat yourself up....a healthy disappoinment may help....but you deserve to be sober, and there's a whole sober life out there with love and peace that you can not imagine. Bless you. Take care and know that we are here to support you.
Use the disappointment that you feel right now to propel yourself into a recovery program. You don't need to quit drinking for seven days; you need to be sober for the rest of your life. Think of it as one day at a time or it will blow you away.
Before I was 35 I must have tried to quit 100 tiimes. The difference? I finally got tired of being hungover and wasting time drinking and undoing the damage I caused. I know that you know that the longer you hang on to drinking the harder it is going to be to quit and the more damage it will do to your body. Get into some kind of program, and go to a doctor to get checked out thoroughly.
It is early here, so this isn't exactly my most inspirational post, but I hope that you take it to heart. You deserve a good, sober life...but you need some time under your belt to see that. Do whatever you have to do before you suffer the repercussions that you read about in this forum. Your post really touched me - I know how you feel,, and I am so sorry. Please get help. Oh, and the open beer was a really bad idea. Please don't beat yourself up....a healthy disappoinment may help....but you deserve to be sober, and there's a whole sober life out there with love and peace that you can not imagine. Bless you. Take care and know that we are here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Seeing your GP sounds great. I also started to feel sick soon after drinking, I was referred to this article that explained part of what I was going through (Kindling).
http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...22-1/25-34.pdf
All of the best in your recovery
http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...22-1/25-34.pdf
All of the best in your recovery
01/28/2017
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 74
thanks for the support. as expected i felt horrible all day. i did get a call from someone and i just got back from a meeting. first meeting in a long time and it felt right.
this isn't my first kick at the can. i had 4.5 years sober and relapsed a year ago. i know what i have to do, but i really underestimated the power of my addiction trying to quit this go around.
this isn't my first kick at the can. i had 4.5 years sober and relapsed a year ago. i know what i have to do, but i really underestimated the power of my addiction trying to quit this go around.
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