quitforme79

Have been bingeing for 3 days...I am physically and mentally sick right now. The anxiety is awful. How I want to drink right now and make all these feelings go away. Why do I keep failing? I have a the supports but this week I ignored them. I am ashamed and here with my tail between my legs :/ Starting over today...back at square one. I just keep thinking of how happy I was when I was sober. I want that back.

Terminally Unique

Obviously, something is missing, no? Perhaps you need to consider changing what you are presently doing or adding to it?

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA meetings regularly?

I could always quit but couldn't stay quit until I went to AA.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

desertsong

I hope you won't be too hard on yourself over this. It happens. Happened to me last weekend as well. We just have to get back on the horse and try to see where we went wrong and what we will do differently now. Like you, I have all the supports as well ... AA, sponsor, SR, supportive and sober friends, and I have been doing the "work" but I still slipped. Now it's time for serious reflection about why/how it happened and what needs to change so it doesn't happen again.

Another "Day 1" sucks, but it can be our last one. Don't give up but do look for the answers that will keep you from doing it again. We will get there.

quitforme79

Thanks everyone I don't do AA...I believe I do need something else. I have read up on other methods besides AA and perhaps its time to pick one. Guess I WAS still in denial. I don't want to be an alcoholic but too late, I am.

Bob36

Great job getting back up! you can do it- yesterday is gone- its a new day- you are clear and its over. Love yourself. you are all you got. Congratulations on realizing that- go enjoy the day, drink water, be glad you are trying- you can do it. Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

langkah

Good that you did some reading up. Based on whatever path most appeals to you for the best of reasons, you're ready to pursue that now and see if it meets your needs.

instant

What led you to pick up your first drink? In the past for me it was feeling good that always sucked me in, forgetting the pain, and thinking I could keep on top of it " this time". Having tools doesn't work if we don,t use them.

Dee74

Reading and thinking are great Quit, but personally I used to read and think a lot and feel very satisified I was 'doing stuff'...but I'd still drink.

When it comes down to it, recovery is about feeling like you're going to drink and doing something about it.

Whatever method or support network you choose, I really encourage you to get into it, and work it - use it.

You need never feel this way again

D

Hevyn

Try to remember how you feel right now. This can be the last time.

Maybe this latest binge is the proof you need to convince yourself - you can't control it. Every time you pick up, unpredictable things happen. Let's try this again quitforme - you can do it.

seanie1888

Just try fight it quit, its water under bridge so just forget it, everyone slips, I countless times, I was same feeling as u few weeks bk after week long binge, thought if i'd few guinness it would help, but then i knew i would have got drunk that day and prob the next, just say to self the buck stops here and fight it, u may be climbing the walls but plz just hang in there, it will get easier. I'll be 4 weeks dry on Sunday but am by no means outa woods yet, just dont drink today. Good luck

seanie1888

I like wat Havyn says, try and rem how shite u feel today, write it down, I started to keep dairy this time and it really helps lookin bk on how i felt them first few days and how bad it was, but then its great to read that week later i was feeling much better

Dazee

Hey quitforme79,
I was where you were last weekend. Horrid feeling. Just remember you can get the good feelings about sobriety back. Every time I have slipped I learned something from it. Keep trying. You've already done the best thing you could do which is be honest about it and not go back into the hiding patterns that keep the addiction alive. Honesty is an antidote to the poison. ((hugs))

quitforme79

Thanks guys...and there are things missing in my past recovery (like AA or AVRT etc). I was going to therapy but slipped that up this week...I KNEW i was going to relapse and didn't give a sh%!. (Horrible but true). A few triggers popped up...as they always do and I went on autopilot and hit the liquor store. I didn't even post here. I know I need to be ready...is now the time? I certainly hope so but even hope is not enough...I HAVE TO WANT IT. NO MATTER WHAT (hugs all)

augustwest

like TU said, try something different since what you were doing didn't work

Bob36

This is relevant to me. I slipped yesterday, the inner dialogue popped up at the oddest time- at work. I popped a text out and in 2 hours was high. The entire interim between texting my dealer and getting high was spent actively not thinking about all the things that have been keeping me sober this week. I don't feel terrible mentally, physically I do. Im disappointed- but more than that I just want to figure out how to avoid that.
The irony is that- tomorrow, uh, today. Ill be working in a restaurant where Im given free liquor etc- I made the appointment to have support on my breaks. have prepared myself in every way- But wasn't ready for the craving at work yesterday ( for my day job I work alone except for customers). I have little doubt that today will be a sober day- mostly because I just failed- but also because I made preparations last week-to be sober by asking an NA person if I could talk on my breaks- so I wont join everyone at the bar and have a beer.And so I wont stop by anyones house on the way home. with systems in place Im fine- the out of the blue desire to waste money and brain is going to be tough. Its similar to another thread where people are discussing whether to go to bars- Im good with frontal attack- just blindsided by the odd moment of complacency.

Out of necessity (work/family obligations) I missed two meetings- my goal is to hit one every single day-.
Meetings make a difference for me because, even though I don't have a sponsor or book - I am listening and affirming what I want, trying to take moral inventory and learn how to be more honest- they really have gotten me through the day- last weeks sobriety was a breeze. truly easy. I don't want to slip again. I don't want to rationalize slipping again.

Im posting now because this is what keeps it forefront in my mind.
Getting ****** up is a chronic disease- Ill only stay sober if I double the amount of time focusing on it.
To think that two days ago I was getting cocky about this. Im not going to beat myself up over this and dive into self pity- but impossible not to be sad that my little week of success didn't end better. I need to go drink a cocktail of self loving healthy cliches- Just for today...

Peace yall- hope everybody is doing good. Time to cry this **** out of my system and be thankful I can make today better than last night.

I need to burn my bridges more thoroughly. Deleting numbers wasn't enough.
I need to announce to more people that Im an addict and wanting change- Im too proud. too afraid to fail. Pride is phony.