FLA

It's 5am I started drinking at 7. It was almost instinctual to open the first beer and at first I felt a lot of guilt and anxiousness but that soon was filled with joy and comfortness. Maybe im to young to give up drinking even tho I know I have a problem. Maybe my problem is considered "average" in the college community. Maybe the only reason i ended up in the hospital was for coke and not alcohol. So many thoughts going through my head trying to rationalize what just happend. Any ways just thought I'd share, hopefully this will give someone motivation to keep staying sober and to show how easy it is to relapse!

Dee74

I'm sorry FLA.
I remember convincing myself I didn't have a problem too.
I wasted a lot of years.

You have something I didn't have though - you have SR and a lot of support and ideas and opinions.

I really hope you'll decide to use them.

There's nothing so empty as drinking, expecting to find that 'joy and comfortness'...and finding no matter how you try you can't get that feeling anymore..

and yet you still can't stop.

D

BillyPilgrim

Hi FLA
Dont punish yourself, admit you messed up, dust yourself down, start again. Today is a new day.

Sapling

You saw it coming....Say no more.

michelle01

I can see plenty of signs that aren't good here, for someone of your age, and this thing only gets worse, not better. Though I agree it's amazing how our illness rationalizes in our own minds.

Fandy

go back to a safe environment if you want to stop drinking. Protect your sobriety...if you want it.

i think you want to examine why you are self-sabotaging and talk to someone FTF who can help you.

the way you/we drink is NOT normal...because we don't stop.

augustwest

its not uncommon for us to plan relapses. when you truly want recovery you'll take action to avoid the obvious situation you put yourself in. be careful dude. it will get worse if you don't take action.

RyanRed

When you said "Maybe I'm to young to give up drinking," I can't count how many times I used that excuse in my 20's, or justified my drinking with those exact words. The truth of the matter is though that if your trying to justify drinking with yourself, there is certainly an issue. Normal drinkers dont do that my friend .

But yeah... I know those thoughts all too well. Been there, done that, and bought the tee-shirt. I can't tell you where you stand with your addiction. It's clear you are concerned about it, and thats a good thing! Are you as bad as some? I doubt it. Is it something to not worry about. No way! If you take a scale from 1-10: 1 being the alcoholic that drinks to hide feelings, ditches certain responsibilities in favor of drinking to a 10 - an alcoholic who traded every worldly possession, relationship, all health, mind, and body just to take a drink, where you stand on that scale doesn't matter. Why? Because no matter what "level" of an alcoholic you are, you are working your way up the ranks. And the higher you get, the harder it is to get back to reality.

Trust me it DOES NOT get easier the longer you wait! I remember always having excuses for myself.

"Ppppfffttttt I'm in my 20's this is party time!"
"I'm not THAT bad of a drinker. I still go to work everyday!"
"Look at that guy.. Now thats an alcoholic! I'm not even close to being like him!"

and many many more...

While all those excuses I had may have been true, the truth of the matter is, I still ended up in the place I so once feared. I look back now, and it sickens me of all the opportunities that laid before me, and how I choose alcohol over them all. Not directly. But passively.

I can't tell you what to do my friend, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that alcohol only leads to hardship, and wasted time. Being sober is by FAR superior in the long run!

-Ryan

jocata

I had to change people, places, and things. Basically EVERYTHING.

Yes, it is difficult to stay sober when you are that young. I was just getting started. By the age of 25 I was a full blown alcoholic and drug addict. Actually, I was probably even younger than that. It only got worse from there. DUIs, jail, rehabs, broken relationships, mental, physical, emotional hell.

You will only get worse if you continue down this path. Jail or death.

Or get can turn around reach out for help and choose life.

God bless.

saphira

I hope you don't give up. As others said, it WILL get worse.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, I hope it gives YOU new motivation to stay sober, you know?!!

Just coke, eh?
I dont think so.

Relapses are addiction in action. Start again from your last drunk / drug abuse and move forward. You saw the relapse coming, so okay, and now you can see recovery coming, right? Do the right thing here.

Take care.

sugarbear1

It got really bad for me and 100s of others who I know personally. Start again. It's the old habits that we need to break and replace with new ones.

Stay stopped! The next hospitalization might be your last.

2granddaughters

FLA, are you attending AA meetings?

Bob R

Bob36

Id be very careful using the "too young to give up drinking" meme.... In my life that turned into the " Im too old to give up partying" meme.
If skeletons could talk Im sure the next one is
"Im too dead to give up drinking"

LadyNoBinge

Thank you for posting FLA. it is brave to reach out after a relapse, good job!
All i know is that addicts/alcoholics can rationalize/intellectualize ANYTHING, it is our addictions talking, not us. I find that any statement that begins with I know I shouldn't but... Or It doesn't really matter because... Or I can't make this healthy decusion because... Are red flags! I hope you take good care of yourself. xo

sober4metoday

FLA - Do you seek attention or help? Listen, we're all in the same boat here. But most of us have 20 years on you - 20 years more of cop out excuses, 20 years more of half-a$$ attempts, 20 years more of lying to everyone and ourselves. Is this what you want for yourself in 20 years? To be doing what you're doing now? Trust me when I say, if you don't stop it you'll be us.

You have something most of don't have. Youth. Don't take the power of that for granted. Clean yourself up and make something of yourself. I don't want you to be going through what I'm going through at 40. Love and respect your parents enough to tell them the truth. Love and respect them enough to ask for their help. They'll help you. They want the best for you - that's why you're in college! They want you to succeed. I want you to succeed. We all want you to succeed.

FLA

Just checking in and this is going to sound ignorant but part of me is saying when I am your age and I become dependent on alcohol that's when I should stop. Even after the horrible week I had in the hospital I'm back in the same life style I was in. I can't explain it to you all, because you've all had bad experiences with alcohol, I've only had positive thongs come from it other than health problems which I'm now blaming on coke. I have fun when I drink. And when I wake up I don't need it to function. I've been drinking tonight so I'm probably gonna be thinking differently in the morning. But I'd also like to throw the placebo effect in here, I was raised on AA and all the detrimental effects alcohol can have on you so maybe I over react on the situation.

artsoul

Most likely........ I think down deep you already know you have a problem or you wouldn't have to justify it.

Besides, whether you were in the hospital for alcohol or coke, drinking on an enlarged liver can't be a good idea, do you think?

augustwest

that drivel you just posted is not ignorance, its denial. your addiction landed you in the hospital. alcohol will ruin your life just like cocaine could. you know damn well what you are and what you need to do. I hope you do something about it before 'just' alcohol has your arse locked up for killing an innocent person, injured yourself, sick physically and emotionally beyond belief, or dead yourself.

sober4metoday

FLA - we all thought we were different. We all thought we were just "having fun" at some point. "Good" experiences with alcohol is what got me into this mess.

I'm new here and trying to change my life and remain sober. Will I screw it all up and drink again? The reality of it is that there are no guarantees. But I am committed to creating a better life for myself.

You've come on here twice in a row now, using, looking for what? Attention? Because it seems like you are trying to suck some life out of this board to make yourself feel better about your addiction (whereas this board is a tool for recovery). And when I joined this board I was looking for, as Planet Fitness likes to call it, A Judgment Free Zone and what you wrote sounds like you just attempted judged us. You're different. You're not like us. You're not an addict. You're just having fun....We're all at different stages of addiction on here. No, I wasn't using everyday and I didn't experience withdrawal but you know what? I was certainly on my way. That very well could have been me and if I allow myself to drink again it could very well be where I find myself.

Good luck with everything FLA. Maybe you need a couple more near deaths before realizing you have a problem?