meme33

he says im turning my back on him in his time of need

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My live in boyfriend of almost 2 years has realized he is an alcoholic. He has 2 kids (10 & 2) , i have 2 kids (6 & 13), mine are older than his. He LOVES my 6 yr old. My almost 13 yr old and him do not get along. This isnt all the time. but when my son is in any kind of mood, his mood changes. He waits to blow up when he is really mad like yesterday. They are exactly alike with common interests. My almost 13 yr old makes mean remarks to me, his brother, my bf... such as "whatever" , "fine then, remember that" , "then im not going to play with u anymore", "fine, stay out of my room" , "then u cant play my game anymore". When my sons little brother is aggravating him, my older son will push him off him once he has had enough and my son will get mad and storm off into his room slamming the door. Last year my bf and he were playing basketball and my bf ( only meaning to PASS IT TO HIM) threw the ball at my almost 13 yr old which he wasnt ready for and it hit him in the head, he became upset crying and hurt thinking he did it on purpose. My bf walked over to him and said he was sorry and he was just trying to pass it, my son didnt want to hear it, my son pushed him away and went and sat in the car. some things i yell at my son for and some i wait until a more appropriate time to talk to him about it, some i just give him the look, and rarely i slap him depending on the situation, and the little comments "whatever, the pouting etc, " i just ignore because i see that as a almost teen struggling through a transitional age. Thats the extent of most our problems with my son but out of this- my bf tells me I dont give enough discipline for his comments or pitching a fit etc, he told me and my son he is an a**hole, he calls my son violent, disrespectful, he told him last year "you are the most disrespectful f*****g kid ive ever met" to his face and in front other kids and then the other night in a drunken rage and me catching him trying to smoke synthetic something in the garage i was done! after calling me a wh*** in front of kids, and friends, and my son a f*****g as*hole to me repeatedly and then to MY almost 13 yr old son to his face i told him to leave NOW. He is telling me most of his anger, anxiety and problems stem from drinking and he will quit alcohol all together if i give him one more chance. HE HAD NEVER HIT ME or my son, or anything physical. I love him with all my heart... but do i chance it? Do I let him back in and stick by him through sobriety? I am 100% against all drugs "fake" or not and he knew this. Ive caught him hiding alcohol etc but he says this time he is ready to quit... He needs me and wants to grow old with me.... WHAT DO I DO??? I love him so much and i enjoy being with him, the kids do too and my youngest loves him. WE have fun most of the time. I really feel like I am done, but i know I want to be with him so bad, we have alot of good times together but when we dont, could it be the alcohol...i know obviously it is the alcohol when he is drinking, but when he isnt drinking he says its withdrawl symtoms and anixety which he swears will all change if i let him back in and prove to me he quit drinking and will never do it again and show me what better person he is but he cannot do this without my love and support and stability of our home. PLEASE ADVISE.. Im torn and heart broken and he has no place to go in the mean time - OH I FORGOT his father was an alcoholic and so was his mother, he bounced home to home and school to school as a child and teen. He is a good loving man now except when these things happen.

sober4metoday

Perhaps after he decks your 13 year old in a drunken rage you won't be so unsure as what to do?

StPeteGrad

I believe there is usually a decent person that's smothered by addiction. The problem is, you can't get him sober. He might try, he might do it for you, but if he doesn't do it for himself it's going to be hard to grow as a family.

There are threads here for someone in your situation (friends and family of...) that might help you with your own expectations and how to be realistic.

My wife tried to get me sober for years. She tried to control my drinking and any other way of coping but nothing worked. I truly believed I was only hurting myself. One day I finally got just a glimpse into the pain I was causing others but for the most part I had no clue when I was in active addiction what it did to those who loved me.
There are others here who can give you better advice.
Good luck,
SPG

Dee74

I understand you want help Meme but you already have several threads on this.
More threads usually means less responses not more.

I invite everyone to participate in one of these other existing threads:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...time-need.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nd-my-way.html

D