seek

I went to a meeting tonight and it was pretty awful. It was on the traditions. Yawn.

I realized that I personally need a more holistic 12 step support group - I envision the group as being kind of based on a 12 step format, but without the male "God" - more of a "light and love" force . . . it would be problematic because the self-will thing might also be a problem - I have been thinking about "God's will," versus "self-will," and I am having problems with the God part . . .I can say that the self-will part can be thought of as ego and make that work, but the God's will part I can't quite grasp because if God is omnipotent, then HE (gasp) should be able to make people do whatever HE wants . . . and there would be no need to "let go and let God" because HE can do anything HE wants.

I visualize a group that does positive affirmations, and meets at the beach or in a comfy lodge in the mountains. Members take good care of themselves and eat healthy and read inspirational books, and get massages and exercise and just basically live healthy lives.

As for the alcoholics and how they deal with them . . .it is more about what would be the equivalent of the Alanons getting back on track and learning to live healthy lives with boundaries . . . in the meetings people share what awesome things they are doing to help themselves and share their visions of rosy futures.

I personally need to feel loved and nurtured and want to hang out in beautiful environments, not dingy church basements and ugly prison-like school rooms . . .I don't want to have my vibration lowered by people who are terminally depressed and hopeless . . .

I need a more holistic 12 step format . . . or just a support group of women maybe who can share the tough stuff, but also focus on the positive and try to bring that into being . . .

lillamy

I'm realizing reading posts here about people's Al-Anon experiences how lucky I must have been with mine. We meet in a church -- but I've never heard anyone use the word "God" or even less, refer to their Higher Power as a "he"...

I know one of my Al-Anon friends thinks of her Higher Power as "the group consciousness" -- that doesn't work for me, but it works for her -- and someone here decided her HD was her HP... forget who that was, but it worked for her... I wish you could find a group that was more flexible -- I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to think of your HP any way you want, Seek!

And I'm sorry you've felt surrounded by people who are terminally hopeless. For me, Al-Anon has provided the opposite -- people who, despite situations much worse than mine, were able to see the beauty in every day and work their own recovery regardless of context. That, to me, has been really inspirational.

I found for myself that it is easy to get caught up in what other people around me provide or don't provide, and what I feel I need when I'm working on my recovery. It's good to know what you need -- but it's also easy to find reasons why this (what's available) doesn't work for me... sort of like an excuse to let ourselves off the hook.

One of my Al-Anon friends talks about recovery as ripping a bandage off an infected wound. It ain't pretty and it hurts like all hell, but it's necessary for healing. That always resonated with me. Recovery is hard work. It's often far from pleasant. But I think focusing on everything that's not what you'd like it to be is sort of counter-productive... said in all honesty and without meaning to discount your experience at all...

seek

Thank you for sharing. What you say makes a lot of sense . . . but for me, I NEED to feel nurtured, not tortured in recovery. As it stands now, I just want to sleep to escape my miserable life . . . I need to find a way to have hope . . .not just to COPE with the pain of another person's addiction and unhealthy, illogical choices.

I honestly think if there was a Holistic 12 Step meeting it would be perfect for me - I don't need more suffering. I can look at myself and I can nurture myself . . . I need something positive to be a part of . . .maybe I should create a meetup . . .too bad I am too introverted/busy . . .but I think it is a good idea.

Seren

Although it is not face-to-face support, you are very welcome to discuss any approach here you would like. But perhaps you would feel more comfortable if you began a thread in the Secular Recovery forum?

There are two subforums. One is called "Secular Connections" in which every program and approach may be discussed EXCEPT the 12-step concept, and "Secular 12-steps" for those who want to use the 12-step approach without a deist concept of a higher power.

Perhaps you could even start your own group along the lines that you envision?

langkah

Why not make a long and detailed list of your desires for the perfect support program for you and see if you can find someplace that meets them all?

If you cannot, then you can decide if what you can access is what you want to continue with or not. Then do that, whatever your choice between the two options of stopping or accepting what is available may be.

Doing that may help to end this dissatisfaction and conflict you're experiencing.