Tell or not?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 54
Tell or not?
My husband has huge issues with my alcoholism. He keeps telling me to talk to him about it- My issue is that I know how upset he's gotten in the past when I've slipped and had a drink. I'm worried that he has no clue what goes through the mind of an alcoholic who is trying to stay sober. I'm concerned that if we are snuggeling in bed at the end of the day, and I mention to him that I had a really hard time not stopping in the store on the way home and buying a beer- even if I toughed it out and didn't slip, I'm worried it would upset him, and possibly cause more problems in our relationship. Does anybody have any suggestions or words of wisdom?
I stopped to pick up dinner tonight on the way home from work. I actually walked across the street, went into the store, and stood in front of the alcohol case. I left the store without buying anything. I was proud of myself, and glad I fought the temptation- I'm concerned if I told my Husband this, he'd get freaked about me going into the store- I feel like I need to act like I have a handle on this, that I'm in control. Anybody else wrestle with this?
I stopped to pick up dinner tonight on the way home from work. I actually walked across the street, went into the store, and stood in front of the alcohol case. I left the store without buying anything. I was proud of myself, and glad I fought the temptation- I'm concerned if I told my Husband this, he'd get freaked about me going into the store- I feel like I need to act like I have a handle on this, that I'm in control. Anybody else wrestle with this?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'd be honest with him about it...You're doing your best..I wouldn't make a habit of trying to past that test....But you did....Pat yourself on the back for it....This isn't an easy thing to do...Are you doing this on your own?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I think it's hard enough to actually do this without having to feel like you need to act you have it all sorted.
I can't imagine me not bringing my partner in on this - I think not telling her something when she wants to know would create a big problem - but only you know whether offloading on your husband, and how much, is a good idea or not.
If you don't feel like it's appropriate to tell your husband everything - do keep using us - if we're not enough, find some other support.
you don't have to get through this looking cool - you just have to get through it SadRN
D
I can't imagine me not bringing my partner in on this - I think not telling her something when she wants to know would create a big problem - but only you know whether offloading on your husband, and how much, is a good idea or not.
If you don't feel like it's appropriate to tell your husband everything - do keep using us - if we're not enough, find some other support.
you don't have to get through this looking cool - you just have to get through it SadRN
D
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I wouldn't tell him that honestly. My husband and I didn't talk about it much. I felt like my stupid awful alcoholism had gotten more than enough airtime. When i fijskly quit i was Kind like "I got it". I just didn't want him to even think about it anymore.
Idk if that was right or wrong though.
Idk if that was right or wrong though.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I wouldn't tell him that honestly. My husband and I didn't talk about it much. I felt like my stupid awful alcoholism had gotten more than enough airtime. When i fijskly quit i was Kind like "I got it". I just didn't want him to even think about it anymore.
Idk if that was right or wrong though.
Idk if that was right or wrong though.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((SadRN)) - I'm not married, but I put my dad/stepmom through hell with my addiction. I don't tell them when I'm struggling, at least not at the time, but often later. They have NO clue about addiction (although my stepmom IS an active A), but the mere mention of "I want to get numb" strikes fear in their heart.
This is just my experience. Saying something in retrospect, such as "back when...was going on, I wanted to get numb" works best in OUR situation. However, if I had a partner, I'd like to think I could be honest.
I've been through some pretty rough times, and my first thought (thank God) has always been "just get me to SR, I'll be okay". I'd like to think that if I get a love interest, I could be honest with. However, being the loved ones of A's, I do understand the fear that strikes when I hear "I wanna use/drink/etc.".
Sorry, I know my answer isn't much help. I do believe that when you're in a love relationship, honesty is the best way to go, but I also realize some people can't handle that...which is why I come here...to people who "get it".
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
This is just my experience. Saying something in retrospect, such as "back when...was going on, I wanted to get numb" works best in OUR situation. However, if I had a partner, I'd like to think I could be honest.
I've been through some pretty rough times, and my first thought (thank God) has always been "just get me to SR, I'll be okay". I'd like to think that if I get a love interest, I could be honest with. However, being the loved ones of A's, I do understand the fear that strikes when I hear "I wanna use/drink/etc.".
Sorry, I know my answer isn't much help. I do believe that when you're in a love relationship, honesty is the best way to go, but I also realize some people can't handle that...which is why I come here...to people who "get it".
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
My husband has huge issues with my alcoholism. He keeps telling me to talk to him about it- My issue is that I know how upset he's gotten in the past when I've slipped and had a drink.
He want's you to talk to him about it...You didn't slip...I don't get the point in keeping that to myself...Especially if it it's taking space up in your head enough to post it here. But damn...I'm not married to the guy...Why you asking me? The program I work...I'd pray on it and do the next right thing.
He want's you to talk to him about it...You didn't slip...I don't get the point in keeping that to myself...Especially if it it's taking space up in your head enough to post it here. But damn...I'm not married to the guy...Why you asking me? The program I work...I'd pray on it and do the next right thing.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
