Not sure if I belong here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 146
Not sure if I belong here
I'm in a weird situation and just wondered what anyone out there can share.
Ok, so I've been in alanon because i have many alcoholics in my family including my dad whom i adored and who suffered all his life. I've seen death take many and it's shattered my world.
Both my sponsor and her sponsor think i may be alcoholic too not because of how much I drink but the way I do it. This is totally weird to me.
So here's bit of history:
I drank at 13 and drank a lot through most of high school. I became very attached to my stuff and even took it to school sometimes.
Then, out of desperation and a growing mental illness (i'm bipolar, plus other things), i stopped altogether and joined a cult religion. Great choice! It does not allow drinking or drugging of any kind. I remained boozeless for 20 years. The only times i drank were: whenever i was suicidal i went into a bar and had 1 or 2 drinks, got instant relief & peace.
When i went to parties (not often) if there was booze i went for it (again, not a large amount).
As i left this religion, i drank again, red wine mostly, because i want to be healthy. I drink alone. I drink ONLY to medicate my depression and anxiety..or to take the edge off social situations. I admit it's a magic pill. I go from hating myself to feeling like a new woman who could dance on the tables. My pattern has been that I drink maybe 2 or 3 glasses tops--about two or three times a week. What I end up doing over and over is pouring the stuff down the drain because it starts calling to me, especially when i'm blue. I start obsessing about how many glasses I can have when, etc.
Two weeks ago, i decided that i shouldn't drink at all. I'm scared to death of slipping into an addiction because of what I've seen in my loved ones. Also, alcohol makes my bipolar much worse.
I think my sponsor is totally off base because:
1.I can stop (although when i stopped last week, i did have 2 days when it was tough).
2. Booze doesn't affect my job or relationships obviously, because i don't drink that much.
3. Alcoholism must include a physical addiction which I don't have.
4. I don't even think I could become truly addicted due to my bipolar which knocks me out of the ballpark when alcohol enters the picture.
What do you think? I know alcohol is bad for me, esp with my mental illnesses. As of 2 weeks ago, I am stopping forever no matter what. But the idea that I am alcoholic seems crazy.
Thanks for listening and sorry for long post.
Zorah
Ok, so I've been in alanon because i have many alcoholics in my family including my dad whom i adored and who suffered all his life. I've seen death take many and it's shattered my world.
Both my sponsor and her sponsor think i may be alcoholic too not because of how much I drink but the way I do it. This is totally weird to me.
So here's bit of history:
I drank at 13 and drank a lot through most of high school. I became very attached to my stuff and even took it to school sometimes.
Then, out of desperation and a growing mental illness (i'm bipolar, plus other things), i stopped altogether and joined a cult religion. Great choice! It does not allow drinking or drugging of any kind. I remained boozeless for 20 years. The only times i drank were: whenever i was suicidal i went into a bar and had 1 or 2 drinks, got instant relief & peace.
When i went to parties (not often) if there was booze i went for it (again, not a large amount).
As i left this religion, i drank again, red wine mostly, because i want to be healthy. I drink alone. I drink ONLY to medicate my depression and anxiety..or to take the edge off social situations. I admit it's a magic pill. I go from hating myself to feeling like a new woman who could dance on the tables. My pattern has been that I drink maybe 2 or 3 glasses tops--about two or three times a week. What I end up doing over and over is pouring the stuff down the drain because it starts calling to me, especially when i'm blue. I start obsessing about how many glasses I can have when, etc.
Two weeks ago, i decided that i shouldn't drink at all. I'm scared to death of slipping into an addiction because of what I've seen in my loved ones. Also, alcohol makes my bipolar much worse.
I think my sponsor is totally off base because:
1.I can stop (although when i stopped last week, i did have 2 days when it was tough).
2. Booze doesn't affect my job or relationships obviously, because i don't drink that much.
3. Alcoholism must include a physical addiction which I don't have.
4. I don't even think I could become truly addicted due to my bipolar which knocks me out of the ballpark when alcohol enters the picture.
What do you think? I know alcohol is bad for me, esp with my mental illnesses. As of 2 weeks ago, I am stopping forever no matter what. But the idea that I am alcoholic seems crazy.
Thanks for listening and sorry for long post.
Zorah
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by zorah 
What do you think? I know alcohol is bad for me, esp with my mental illnesses. As of 2 weeks ago, I am stopping forever no matter what. But the idea that I am alcoholic seems crazy.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,363
Hi Zorah - welcome
Only you can decide whether you're an alcoholic - but I'm sure it matters, if you can stick to your decision.
I think the main thing here is you know that alcohol is bad for you and you've stopped - that's a great move
I really believe it's not so much about how much you drink or how often - it's about what happens to you when you do.
I can identify with a lot of things you've written and I think a lot of people here will - drink binging you instant relief & peace, drinking alone, self medication, taking the edge of anxiety, using drink to change your mood - all those are red flags.
Whether you accept the A label or not, you've made a great decision because drinking like that never gets better, it just gets worse, Zorah.
D
Only you can decide whether you're an alcoholic - but I'm sure it matters, if you can stick to your decision.
I think the main thing here is you know that alcohol is bad for you and you've stopped - that's a great move
I really believe it's not so much about how much you drink or how often - it's about what happens to you when you do.
I can identify with a lot of things you've written and I think a lot of people here will - drink binging you instant relief & peace, drinking alone, self medication, taking the edge of anxiety, using drink to change your mood - all those are red flags.
Whether you accept the A label or not, you've made a great decision because drinking like that never gets better, it just gets worse, Zorah.
D
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I don't know if you're an alcoholic, only you can make that decision.
What you said, above, is concerning to me though. Have you ever considered proper medication(s) for your bipolar? It's very typical for people with depression/anxiety/bipolor etc. to self-medicate .... and since alcoholism is a progressive disease it could be concerning.
Also, many may disagree with me, but I don't think a physical addiction is a requirement for alcoholism. I am most definitely an alcoholic but I really didn't have much withdrawal....I never became a daily drinker (yet). I kept on drinking in spite of the negative consequences and the affect it had on me emotionally. That's the insanity of it.
I drink ONLY to medicate my depression and anxiety..or to take the edge off social situations.
Also, many may disagree with me, but I don't think a physical addiction is a requirement for alcoholism. I am most definitely an alcoholic but I really didn't have much withdrawal....I never became a daily drinker (yet). I kept on drinking in spite of the negative consequences and the affect it had on me emotionally. That's the insanity of it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
As long as you don't drink you can reasonably believe you are not alcoholic if you care to. Since you've decided to quit forever now the question will only surface again if you find yourself drinking again.
Then you'd need to convince yourself and others that you are not alcoholic and can stay stopped with a simple decision. But since you couldn't in this scenario that will be a very tough sell.
Then you'd need to convince yourself and others that you are not alcoholic and can stay stopped with a simple decision. But since you couldn't in this scenario that will be a very tough sell.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,886
I feel the only thing that matters is: if alcohol is a problem for you, its time to stop. You write your going stop drinking and that is good. A good many people here at SR have done exactly that, so can you.
I would suggest you keep participating here as this place is a very good place to get support for your new life alcohol free.
I would suggest you keep participating here as this place is a very good place to get support for your new life alcohol free.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
It's not the amount, it's the mental preoccupation with alcohol. Booze is taking up space in your head, so it's great that you've decided to quit for good. Nothing bad can come from quitting alcohol as it has not one single real benefit for anyone, alcoholic or not.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hey Welcome to SR.
I'm BP too, and I have to stay on my meds to keep me grounded. Before I got sober alcohol helped me cope a lot -- at least I thought it did, but really it ended up making my highs way too high and my lows way too low.
Are you being treated for your BP? If so, I would especially recommend you quit drinking for good, as drinking and bipolar meds do not mix well.
In the end, whether you choose to label yourself an alcoholic or not is irrelevant; what matters is whether you quit drinking or not.
I'm BP too, and I have to stay on my meds to keep me grounded. Before I got sober alcohol helped me cope a lot -- at least I thought it did, but really it ended up making my highs way too high and my lows way too low.
Are you being treated for your BP? If so, I would especially recommend you quit drinking for good, as drinking and bipolar meds do not mix well.
In the end, whether you choose to label yourself an alcoholic or not is irrelevant; what matters is whether you quit drinking or not.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 146
Thanks so much for your responses. This helps me a lot. I am being treated for my bipolar and anxiety disorder, but I haven't gotten the right drug combo yet. My pdoc says that I have "complicated" brain chemistry, so my life is still a roller coaster.
In the mean time, as you all say, I am swearing off booze cuz it's messing with my head. And if it's too hard or I'm stressed trying to stay off, then I'll get help.
thanx again.
zorah
In the mean time, as you all say, I am swearing off booze cuz it's messing with my head. And if it's too hard or I'm stressed trying to stay off, then I'll get help.
thanx again.
zorah
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by zorah
Thanks so much for your responses. This helps me a lot. I am being treated for my bipolar and anxiety disorder, but I haven't gotten the right drug combo yet. My pdoc says that I have "complicated" brain chemistry, so my life is still a roller coaster.
In the mean time, as you all say, I am swearing off booze cuz it's messing with my head. And if it's too hard or I'm stressed trying to stay off, then I'll get help.
thanx again.
zorah
In the mean time, as you all say, I am swearing off booze cuz it's messing with my head. And if it's too hard or I'm stressed trying to stay off, then I'll get help.
thanx again.
zorah
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
zorha, my drinking and drugging habits were as you describe. I could stop, until my next episode which was so frightening and painful that I picked up again to address the situation.
While I was not physically addicted to some of the substances, I AM an addict and getting into substance abuse recovery helped me realize and address many of the process/behavioral addictions that I have. If we will pick up booze to self medicate, it is likely we have some other unhealthy tricks in our pockets to do the same.
Since you mention a sponsor, I am guessing you are in a 12 step program. If you don't identify as an alcoholic, perhaps you are in the wrong one. There are 12 step programs that focus on and address a variety of issues and behaviors. I have found some that are a better fit for me than AA. I certainly had a drinking problem, but it was not my main or only addiction issue.
My first sponsor was in AA and did pressure me into self identifying as an alcoholic. Since honesty is crucial to working a recovery program I found myself at odds. But when I found a program that better address the issues I could identify with, deeply and honestly, I was able to make headway.
I have discovered some of my "secret" coping mechanisms are not truly helping me cope, nor are they unique or uncommon. That alone was a huge step forward to realize that the way I behave and have attempted to address my challenges (or avoid addressing them) are recognizable and common behavior patterns. I am not weird or alone, and if others can recover and become free of those behaviors, so can I.
This board is a great support and resource, and definitely an excellent tool to have in my recovery toolbox.
While I was not physically addicted to some of the substances, I AM an addict and getting into substance abuse recovery helped me realize and address many of the process/behavioral addictions that I have. If we will pick up booze to self medicate, it is likely we have some other unhealthy tricks in our pockets to do the same.
Since you mention a sponsor, I am guessing you are in a 12 step program. If you don't identify as an alcoholic, perhaps you are in the wrong one. There are 12 step programs that focus on and address a variety of issues and behaviors. I have found some that are a better fit for me than AA. I certainly had a drinking problem, but it was not my main or only addiction issue.
My first sponsor was in AA and did pressure me into self identifying as an alcoholic. Since honesty is crucial to working a recovery program I found myself at odds. But when I found a program that better address the issues I could identify with, deeply and honestly, I was able to make headway.
I have discovered some of my "secret" coping mechanisms are not truly helping me cope, nor are they unique or uncommon. That alone was a huge step forward to realize that the way I behave and have attempted to address my challenges (or avoid addressing them) are recognizable and common behavior patterns. I am not weird or alone, and if others can recover and become free of those behaviors, so can I.
This board is a great support and resource, and definitely an excellent tool to have in my recovery toolbox.
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