Redheadsusie

Well- After telling Ah I needed to be happy and how I felt he of course has not addressed any of his issues with drinking and or anger all of the blame is being put on me. Tells me nothing will ever be good enough for me and maybe when it comes to him that is true. He has hurt me so badly I forgive him but I don't know if I can trust him . He has no intention of stopping to drink - no intention of getting counseling for his anger - nothing and then he says he can't understand why we can't meet on common ground. What common ground are we talking about - the ground where I give in and continue to let him call me names and yell and act like a asshat and drink all the time and sit on the boat every weekend for 10 hours a day and drink. That is common ground......where is his trying - NONE..he does not need to do anything .. it is me it is me it is me. What the hell?

Frog429

I hear you loud and clear, I have heard the same thing.. Mine is in counseling..with me..but.. the trust..its hard to rebuild.. when there is that liner of "manipulation" "nothing will every be good enough for you"... that is him manipulating you . my counselor, (i have my own as well) told me... stand behind what I say...and don't let him tell me i'm "crazy" or "oversensitive" just calmly say.. "no, no i'm not".. and walk away.. its helped a bit.. prayers with you! IT IS NOT YOU!!!!

laurie6781

Well, .................................................. ............................................ he gave you your answer.

Now what are you going to do about it.

You have 2 choices:

1) continue to live with the asshat subjecting yourself to his anger and name calling and Lord knows what else will come next,

or

2) getting your ducks in order and moving on to a peaceful serene life.

He put the ball back in your court.

Now YOU have to make a decision on what you are going to do for YOU.

Love and hugs,

Thumper

Aww Susan. When you need to talk come here. Your ah is never ever going to own anything. He is never ever going to provide you with any useful feedback. He just is not. He is not willing and he isn't even able. He is an alcoholic.

He intends to continue to drink and neglect you at best and spew verbal abuse regularly. He has shown you this with his actions and told you this with his words. Of course you can not trust him.

Your behavior, actions, and expectations seem to be based on the wish that your ah can take it all in, process it, and respond in a sane and reasonable manner. He is an alcoholic. He is not capable of processing any information and responding sanely or reasonably. He hears and follows only one voice - and that is the voice of alcohol.

Every last detail of what you say to him has only one purpose and that is for the voice of addiction to twist it and use it for its own gain.

Redheadsusie

Wow ladies - Thank you so much for your messages! I am getting my ducks in a row and I know what I want and what I need to do. Thumper- your message is exactly right- I do keep thinking one day he will answer like a normal person - I pray for it but the reality is after 13 years that day is not going to come. I have tried my hardest and I am weary and want my joy back. I miss myself and yes I will miss the good AH with al my heart - but he is not around much - he has been taken over by an angry mean selfish alcoholic. I freaking hate alcohol - I hate it.